My Last Week as a SAHM

Big changes are coming for my family.  Again.  But, I have known this day was coming for almost, exactly, 12 months now. 

In some ways the past 12 months have passed in a blink.  And in other ways, it has seemed more like double or triple that amount of time.  It has been a great year and a hard year, all at once.  But now that the day is nearly here that I will return to full-time work, I wish that I could have just a little more time.  More time to play, run, and swing.  More time to do all the crafts and projects I still have not managed to have time to do.  More time for fun field trips and lunch dates with my two favorite little kids.

And, although I spent a lot of this year wishing away time for this day to come, now that it is here, part of me is still not ready.

I have so many mixed feelings surrounding this new adventure we are about to embark on.  I have searched long and hard for that perfect position and it seems I have finally found it.  I am excited, hopeful, ready.  And yet I am nervous, scared, overwhelmed. 

I knew that this would be a temporary situation...that has always been the plan.  But, as the days turned to weeks and then months, it has felt far less temporary and more our new way of life.  And a large part of me has been perfectly at peace with this reality. 

You see, I have loved this time with my kids where I was able to solely focus on my most important job: Mom.  If you caught me on a bad day, maybe it didn't always seem that way.  But I promise you that I have always remained grateful for the time and all of the experiences and memories I was able to create with my kids this past year.  For that matter, I already know that for the rest of my life, I will always look back at this year as one of the best...and most simple...of my children's childhood.

These memories will surely sustain me over these next weeks and months as I re-learn to juggle my "Mom" job with my new job.  (That's where the overwhelmed feeling is kicking in.)  I only hope that my kids will be able to feel the same as they see less of me than they are used to.  They will adapt, right??

I have seven more days to do all the things.  It feels too quick, daunting even, to pull off all that was left on that proverbial list of mine.  Seven more days to soak in this current life and prepare for the new one.  It feels big and so I'm trying not to think about it too much.  It's a good change...really. 

So now, I will put on a new hat, throw another ball back up into the air to juggle, get my brain back into the "zone" and hope and pray that I can do it all.   
   

These are the moments I will cherish.

School Started and This Mommy is Not Crying

Six weeks ago a momentous occasion occurred in my household.  Behold: my oldest went off to preschool!!  Never mind that he had previously been enrolled in daycare/preschool until this past June and this school is only three half-days a week

The reason to celebrate is simple.  He has been home full-time for the last three months and while I have loved (depending on the day) having him home all the time so that we can gallivant around town however we please, I also came to an important realization this summer.  This is a kid who needs both structure and routine but more importantly, an outlet for his immense energy and enthusiasm.

Being home full-time, it seems, has created multiple behavioral issues with him.  Brother has been picking fights with and being generally unkind to his younger, 19 month old, sister.  He has been refusing naps on the regular.  He has been resisting falling asleep for a good 90 minutes after we put him to bed at night and still waking at 5:30 am and then acting like an exhausted kid all day but still refusing sleep. 

Turns out, I believe all the idle, unstructured time at home has just not worked quite well for him.  And, ironically (or maybe not), every single one of the above issues we have experienced over the past few months has magically gone away over the past six weeks.  It's really been amazing.  We are cured!!

Also, to be honest, as much as he needs a break from too much time hanging out at home, I also could use the break.  Does this mean that I don't want to be home with him?  Does this mean I love him any less?  No.  Definitely not. It just means that I am both human and a busy parent who needs a few hours here and there to also have a break.  (Note: this is not true time to myself as little Sister is still home.)

The moral of the story though is that this little break, because it is little at just two and a half hours three days a week, is a good opportunity for all of us to do something fun without a mommy, sister or brother up in our business and to make new friends and learn new things.  The positive effects of preschool have clearly been far-reaching in this house! Everyone, and especially these little ones, need to feel a little independence as they mature and prepare to head out into the world.  And what a wonderful thing that is for all of us.   

We still have two years until Brother starts kindergarten.  (Because of his birth date, he will not start school until he is nearly 6!)  And while there are some days that I wish for time to pass more quickly so that I can have a little more independence, there are more days where I relish in the fact that right now I get to be the primary caretaker for my kids.  It's a pretty special thing really and since I don't know how long it will last, I try so hard to never lose sight of this opportunity I have been afforded.

Two years from now, or twenty years from now, I want to have zero regrets for how I spent this time.  So, while I happily drop off my special little guy at school three days a week, I also know it will only be just over two hours until I see him again. 

And Now for My New Trick: Showering Alone!

Excuse me, I have an important announcement to make.  I just discovered the secret to a peaceful shower by myself!!!!!!  As in there are no children present.  I realize I may be a little late to this party, I apparently am a slow learner.  If you are a mom with kids home during the day: Pay attention.

See, I have this problem with getting to shower alone these days while I am a stay-at-home, work-at-home mom.  In fact, I rarely get to shower without an audience. 

Usually, the only way to ensure safety while I shower is to lock both kids in my bedroom with me.  Which, mind you, isn't peaceful or calm or anything resembling time to myself.  My bedroom also usually looks like a tornado hit it by the time I am ready to go.  As a result, sometimes it's just not worth the effort and the shower has to wait until nap time or even not at all...

Lately, my routine has included going to the gym 2-3 times a week.  Usually this happens while my oldest is at his half-day preschool.  I then bring my youngest to play with the other kids at the gym while I get a workout in.  The only problem is that after I am done I have approximately 23 minutes to get cleaned up and pick up my son.  So, I have been doing what any normal, rational person would do: Race home, throw a snack at my daughter and turn on Mickey Mouse, take a 3 minute shower, comb my hair, get dressed and run back to preschool for pick-up.  Calm and serene this is not.  So, I usually just remain sweaty for several more hours until I have time to do something with myself.  If I am lucky.

For some reason today, it occurred to me in the rush to get out the door that I could save myself several minutes of time if I showered at the gym and then went directly to the preschool for pick-up.  I packed my bag and went on with the morning.

Fast forward to post-workout.

I head to the dimly-lit locker room complete with energizing music, cushioned benches and full-size, surprisingly soft towels and prepare for my shower.  Sometime mid-shampoo, something occurs to me.  It's quiet.  Even peaceful.  There are no screams or demands emanating from around the shower curtain.  Hmmm.

This is really my locker room. For modesty's sake, I left myself out.

I finish my shower and proceed to get dressed where I am able to do so RIGHT AWAY without wrangling anyone or breaking up a fight.  Strange.  I even took an extra minute and applied nicely smelling lotion.  Then, I combed my hair and put on make-up without having to also do the same for a certain 19 month old. Not that I mind, its kinda cute she wants to do everything I do. But sometimes there just isn't time for that!

As I walk to the playroom to retrieve my daughter, I feel a sense of calm and peace come over me.  In that moment (and to be honest, only that moment), I feel like I am totally rockin' this Mom thing.  It was that feeling of having my sh*t together for what seemed like the first time in months ever. 

It was also nice to go to preschool and for once not be a sweaty mess.  See, other moms, I can look pretty here and there!

Right now, I am kicking myself for not thinking of this genius idea sooner!  Which leads me to my next question: Is it inappropriate to take the kids to the gym just so I can shower?

Life Is Short: Love Your Children

I have a very dear friend who lost a child at the age of 6. It was less than a year between a grave diagnosis for Mattie Goble and the moment she received her angel wings, and, in the process, I learned so much from this sweet girl and her firm-in-faith family.

I don't want this to be a sad post, primarily because Mattie would not want it that way. Instead, she would be so proud that her legacy has absolutely impacted who I am not only as a person, but most importantly, as a parent.

Today, my friend sent me this text:  "You better love them. You better spend time with them. You better tell them EVERY day in some way, shape or form that you love them." She wasn't telling me this to make me feel guilty that I still have my child in this physical world. She was telling me because it's important to hear. As parents, we can get so caught up in the world that exists every day, that we forget about what's most important. And, to me, that's my daughter.

Mattie's parents fought this battle with her - every moment of every day. If they could have taken her pain away and amplified its strength onto them, they would have - in a heart beat. They were the pillar of strength and love that this little girl needed to know that, even once she left this earth, she has a Mom and a Dad that love her fully and unconditionally - for the rest of their lives.

Although I respect and love her parents, it was Mattie herself who taught me a lot about what it means to be a Momma. So, here you have it. My little six-year-old friend "learned" me:

1. There is no greater gift than to be a parent.
When you're a parent, you have a little person that thinks you hang the moon. This little person waits with bated breath for every word you say, every move you make, every smile you give. Wow. What a responsibility. But, also an incredible earthly gift. I hurt Baba's feelings not long ago. It was completely unintentional and done only out of exhaustion. But, the look on her face and the downward slope of her shoulders reminded me that my impact runs much deeper than I may ever imagine. I much prefer the toothy smiles and belly laughs!

2.  The little stuff matters. A lot.
Speaking of those toothy smiles. Kids don't need a lot to know they're loved. It's a moment given to treasure the texture of a rock found right outside the front door, instead of rushing to the next place and the next moment. It's allowing the sidewalk chalk to track all the way up the outside front stairs - just because it makes her happy (and, who cares, I tell husband - the rain will wash it away. But, her happiness will remain). It's the smile during the last moments of the day - reminding her that my love runs deeper than any river in the world.

3.  Parents are the best friends a child will ever have.
Think about it. Children don't typically develop true friendships for several years. Which means we get to be their best friend. And, what do you do with your best friend? You love them unconditionally. You laugh with them until your cheeks hurt. You make them feel good about themselves.  And you cherish them. As a full-time working Mom, my moments with Baba each day are small. But, we make them big!

4.  At the end of this world, all that matters is love.
We don't get to choose how long we live in this world. But, we do get to choose how we live it. And, we do get to choose how we respond to those most important to us. So, my dear friend, thank you for the reminder. Because, try as I might, I forget sometimes. I am human and I am imperfect. Really imperfect. All I have is today. Today is the day to be the best parent I can be to someone who deserves my very best.

And, because I love this dear little girl who taught me more life lessons in parenting than she'll ever know, allow me to get on my soap box for a moment. September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month.  In the US, almost 13,000 children under the age of 21 are diagnosed with cancer each year. This month, we remember the young lives taken too soon, stand with the families facing childhood cancer today, and rededicate ourselves to combating this terrible illness.

To donate to an organization started in Mattie's name and dedicated to funding research for this disease, please visit: www.mattiesmission.org.

An inspiration like none other.

Mommy's Being Mean

A few days ago I had one of those days. 

Regardless if you stay at home or work full-time, you know the kind of day I am referring to, right?  When nothing goes your way no matter what you do.  When you are tired, the patience is worn thin (or out) and you just need a little space to catch your breath and figure out the next move. When the kids don't behave regardless if you talk in your sweetest, most loving voice or scream at the top of your lungs.  When you also have 15 phone calls to make, several hours of errands to do not humanly possible with two kids in tow, a house to clean and dinner to make.  Let's also throw in a new job to figure out (more on that, later).

By dinner time, I was just exasperated.  Mostly because my three and a half year old and 18 month old would not stop with the fighting over every little toy we own. Which was turning into pushing, shoving, and hair pulling - and that's from EM, the 18 month old! (Side note: I'm thinking this girl is going to be able to hold her own on the playground...)  Who knew that this would even be a problem at these ages?!  Not me. 

Anyway, they were bringing their battle to the kitchen where I was trying to make dinner while simultaneously answering a few emails, return a phone call, and do the dishes.  Screaming and crying ensued over a wooden banana and a wooden steak. 

So what did I do?  The only rational thing of course.  I lost it.  I proceeded to give them a lecture of epic proportions that likely they did not even understand.  I also may have been raising my voice  just a tad.  It wasn't my prettiest moment as a parent but, in retrospect, the entire day was leading up to this and, frankly, I had nothing left. 

CJ, the older, perhaps a little wiser one, responded to my tirade with, "Come on sister. Mommy's being mean. Let's go."  And he took her hand, and walked them out of the room.  They then proceeded to QUIETLY and NICELY play for at least the next 20 minutes.  THEY LEFT ME ALONE.  I literally did not hear another peep.

Moral of the story:  Sometimes it is perfectly OK to get a little fiesty at your kids.  (I'm kidding, kinda.)  They won't like you for it (I promise, that's fleeting) but they may just leave you alone as a result!  And, if they learned even a little something (like, maybe, Mommy is only human, is not a saint, and needs a minute to breathe), it seems like a win-win to me. 

A moment of adoration for big brother.  And it was just that- a moment!

Pulled Over While Pumping...And Other Fun Adventures

Did you know pumping while driving is a thing?   I was a bit clueless when I started my journey into breastfeeding, pumping, and pumping at work. I did not know women did this.  I would not have thought it even possible and perhaps (definitely) a little gross.  But, necessity is the mother of invention after all.  And only a mother could have invented this one.  Plus, men could never take multi-tasking to this level. (Am I right or am I right?)

When I had my first baby, CJ, I was working at a job that required overnight travel at least once a month, usually for just a night or two.  And, when I went back to work I was exclusively breastfeeding.  So clearly there would be a lot of pumping required to keep it up.  And pump I did.  So much that I started calling my breast pump the "best friend I never wanted."  It was a happy day actually when I was able to retire that contraption.

At this point, after breastfeeding and pumping for two kids for 12 months (plus) each, I would like to consider myself a bit of an expert.  Definitely an expert in pumping while travelling.  All of that pumping and travelling though created lots of opportunities for me to now have interesting stories to relate - so I will just share a few of the best.

For my first trip back to work CJ was 10 weeks old.  Yes, I left my 10 week old at home with Daddy.  You see, Daddy is perfectly capable and responsible and I was literally gone for 28 hours requiring just a 2 hour flight.  I jam-packed a lot in those hours as you can imagine.  The highlight of this first trip was realizing that I would need to pump and drive since there would be no where else (and no time) to do it.  (Why that thought didn't occur prior to the trip I don't know.)  Next was realizing I didn't have anything to cover myself with while pumping and driving.  Let's just say I definitely noticed a few men in large trucks noticing me.  It was a learning experience. (Lesson learned: bring your nursing cover to pump and drive!)

Many months down the road in this experience, I landed at an airport I had never been to before, hopped in the rental car, hooked up the pump, and headed to my meeting.  Leaving the airport the road was under construction plus I had no idea where I was going so was a bit distracted, in my defense.  Before I knew it there were lights flashing behind me.  Yep- I got pulled over for speeding in a work zone.  Crap.  I could immediately tell the police officer was definitely one of those old school cops.  Luckily, I did have my cover this time.  Remember, pumping was currently in progress but it just didn't seemed appropriate to say, "sorry officer, hold on while I disconnect my breast pump."  So, I played the "lost" card and strangely he barely questioned me. Meanwhile, I noticed that the guy he pulled over right before me was in fact getting a ticket.  I still have no idea if he realized what was going on underneath that cover but if it got me out of a ticket I am completely ok with this.  I can only imagine what he went back and said at the station that day to his fellow officers. I was just glad to get out of it and if the pump was why that's even better.

Another fond memory (although not about driving) is the time I was departing my home airport with pump and ice packs in tow.  In going through security, as was usually the case with the pump, my items were flagged for inspection. While many TSA officers I encountered had no idea of TSA policies for breast milk and pumps, this one was especially clueless.  He could not possibly understand why I was travelling with a breast pump yet with no baby and no pumped milk.  I explained numerous times I was departing on my trip and the baby was home with it's Daddy.  He repeatedly asked me again where was the baby and why wasn't it with me? Where was I going? Why didn't I have pumped milk? And on and on.  Seriously, I think he questioned me for 10 minutes.  I basically ended the conversation on him, said thank you for the concern and went on my way because he wasn't letting it go.  Of all my experiences with TSA, and their were several doozys, this was definitely the worst.

Side note: What is with the older male business traveler always using the family restrooms at airports!  Seriously. I cannot tell you the number of times I had to wait to use these restrooms to pump and out walks a single, older male dressed in a suit.  Gross.

Please tell me I am not alone in these experiences - do you pump and drive? I can't possibly be the only one these crazy things happen to. I would love to hear your hilarious adventures so feel free to share!  Pretty please?

The usual view from the driver seat

A Stay At Home Mom...By Accident

I've now been a full-time stay-at-home mom for 6 months.  6 MONTHS.  And, never in a million years did I think I would utter that sentence.  But there you have it. I have become what I never thought I would be.

Part of me thinks: What in the world has happened to me??  The other part: I kinda like it.

I did not purposefully and consciously decide to quit my job and stay home with my two children, ages 3 years and 16 months.  I definitely did not ever picture myself as a stay-at-home mom.  In fact, when I married my husband I specifically told him that was just not part of my career goals and long-term plan.   

But, as we all know, life often takes turns you did not envision and this is definitely one of those for me.  You see, I was laid-off from my job 6 months ago and so far I have not found that next perfect professional opportunity.  While I am still trying to discover what I want to be when I grow up and also find a position with a company that allows me the balance in my life that I desire, it just has not happened for me yet.

So, for 6 months now I have been able to arrange weekday playdates and fun outings, cook interesting and healthy meals, get back into a workout routine, create and deepen friendships, and so many other activities that the kids and I have enjoyed together simply because I did not have to go to a job outside of the home.  (Because, what I am doing is most definitely still a job.)  Oh, and I also painted three rooms in my house. Go ahead - call me Susie Homemaker - I don't mind.


I could do these moments every day forever.

While being home with two little ones is definitely not easy and full of challenging moments, they are just that- moments.  I wouldn't trade for anything the hardest of days with these kids (and there are LOTS of those) for not having had this time at home with them.  I know with complete certainly I will never regret this time at home despite the strong desire to be professional and earn an income again.

I also know that months or years from now this period of time is one I will feel so nostalgic about.  I already am having twinges that I should be doing more - more fun, more adventures, more activities.  It's a tough one because there are also the chores, errands, naps, laundry, cleaning and such to keep up with. 

So why the regret right now?  There is a chance that my time at home will soon be ending.  And, instead of excitement this thought makes me so sad.  I knew going into this that being home was temporary but it's getting to the point I cannot imagine not being home.  I am definitely struggling with this possible change.  

Change is a good thing, right?  I know that when I decide to make that big change and return to work, it will only be for the position that truly feels right for me, my children, and my family.  I can't imagine it any other way at this point. 


My Little Tornado, aka My Daughter

Holy moly, is a 15 month old busy!  Where in the world do they get this energy from?  I may not take a nap every day and sleep 12 hours a night (frankly, ridiculously less lately due to that same 15 month old waking every day at 4:45 am, thankyouverymuch. And remember, I am currently laid-off, therefore not needing to wake so early), but I still can't figure out where the reserves for this level of activeness come from.  Although EM is my second baby, I guess I forgot about this part.  

Toys are inconsequential, many days food is too. The only thing of interest is getting those little hands on anything and everything that has not been locked up or tied down and throwing it in her wake.

When do they stop being little tornados?

Frankly, there are days that I could do without that tornado that tears through my house multiple times per day.  I don't even know where all this stuff comes from - most of our cupboards are child-proofed but not everything we own is able to be either.  I know you may say, just leave the mess until the end of the day.  I do.  I clean it all up at the end of the day after bed time, except that which creates a tripping hazard through my kitchen.  Is it wrong to want just a wee bit of order even throughout the day?

I know this is a phase and it too shall pass.  And, as my husband reminded me this morning, when EM is 15 years old and being difficult as only a teenage girl can be, we will fondly look back on her tornado days with a tear in our eye at the preciousness of it all.  I do not disagree. Yet, part of me cannot wait to be through this particular phase.  Does that make me a terrible mom? 

This age is truly adorable and enjoyable for so many other reasons.  EM is starting to talk, developing such a wonderful personality, and a real relationship with her brother, and watching her figure out the world around her is an amazing experience as her parent.  She is a light and a joy to our family.  She laughs louder and harder and we all follow suite.  We marvel at her silliness.

Yet, this tornado part of being a 15 month old is getting just a bit exhausting for this mommy.  Can't we just sit and play nicely (and maybe quietly) with a few toys?  Nope, there she goes again.  Off to go rescue her brother's beloved trucks before he notices.

How To Talk So Your Kids Will Listen?

Does anybody out there know the answer to this question? 

We seem to be going through a, hopefully brief, phase here.  CJ is my oldest, who is currently 3 years 4 months old, is just not listening these days.  And by not listening, I mean no amount of yelling, talking nicely, talking quietly, bribery, taking away of toys or privileges, time-outs, or anything else I can think of seems to be getting his attention.  He does what he wants until I am so exasperated that he finally goes along with what I am requesting of him, if only because I have scared him into it. 

I know what you may be thinking- be patient, he's only 3!  I do get this in concept, however, many days we need to be places at a certain time and I just don't have the time for him to take 23 minutes to go potty, walk to the door, and put on his shoes.  Frustration, unfortunately, wins.  (Frankly, Mommy could use a time-out once in a while.) 

I have to believe I am not alone in this struggle.

I sometimes have a glimmer of what's going on here.  CJ is asserting his independence and making his own decisions.  As I have said before, this is a kid who is fiercely independent and has demonstrated in many ways that he will decide the direction of his life - already at 3! (And, what does this mean we are in for down the road!?)

I also sometimes think that maybe this is a cry for attention.  To be honest, many moments of the day I am distracted when CJ is present.  Whether its tending to his little sister who is 15 months, making or cleaning up a meal, performing various job search activities while I navigate this new time at home, or any of the other myriad of daily chores inevitable with young children, I can't always be completely 100% devoted to giving him the attention he needs and deserves.  I have tried to become more aware of this and have made it a goal that once a day I spend some amount of quality one-on-one time devoted to just CJ.  The problem: it just does not seem to be enough to satisfy him.

So back to my dilemma:  How do I talk to CJ so he will listen and respond?  (And, so that I do not have to repeat myself 55 times before he responds.)  I do feel that I have tried to communicate to him utilizing various types of communication but no one thing seems to be truly effective. 

Sometimes he does respond appropriately.  And, truth be told, it is usually when I talk very calmly and nicely while holding his hand and/or looking him directly in the eye, with no nearby distractions. 

I need to try harder to always do this.  Sometimes, in the chaos of life, it just seems too hard to stop what I am doing and spend a few extra minutes to explain what I need him to do.  Although, I guess those extra minutes could save me even more down the road if he listens and responds right away, huh? 

Maybe I have answered my own question after all.  In the meantime, I know one mom that needs to practice even more patience and understanding and not place unrealistic expectations on these little ones.

CJ recently got treated to lunch at Costco for good listening.
(Not ashamed to admit my attempts at bribery.)

Snapshot: Nursing 14 Months Later

The first days, weeks and even months of nursing your baby can be so difficult, and that may even be an understatement.  The questions never seem to end: Is my baby latching right? Is my baby getting enough milk? Not enough milk? Did my milk come in? My boobs/nipples hurt so badly- why? Is my baby gaining enough weight? Is my baby eating enough? Should I supplement?  How much should I pump before I go back to work?  And on and on....

Needless to say, this is a stressful time for new moms.  I can say, however, that once you make it to baby #2, this time is significantly less stressful and less overwhelming.  Most of the questions have been answered before.  There may be new issues, however, you now have the confidence to deal with those and move forward.

A plateau of sorts is then reached in your nursing relationship with your baby.  In my experience, this happens around 3-4 months.  Everyone knows what they are doing and how to do it.  You go back to work and figure out how to navigate the working-pumping life.  You introduce solid foods and baby adjusts their nursing needs accordingly. And life goes on, a routine develops, and life becomes normal-ish. 

Fast forward to today. We have made it to 14 months and 15 days of nursing.  I am extremely proud of this for a few reasons.  With my first child, CJ, my milk supply suffered a drastic decline around 7 months and I had to supplement with formula until he self-weaned at 13 months and 7 days.  I have always felt guilty (and yes, I know I shouldn't) that I was not able to exclusively provide breast milk.  With my second child, EM, I also had a decline in my supply around 8 months but was able to recover enough to not need to supplement.  And I have secretly (I guess not anymore!) relished in the fact that EM has never had a drop of formula.  Its probably one of my proudest accomplishments, second to my natural child birth.

So, what does nursing a 14 month old look like?  We nurse when she wakes in the morning for about 5 minutes total.  Since I am currently unemployed, we then nurse after her nap for about 5 minutes.  Some days she does not want this after nap so we skip right to snack time instead. And finally, we nurse for about 5 minutes at bedtime.  That's it.  Its been this way for about 3 months now. It's pretty easy and requires hardly any time at all which totally works for me.  Because of my current (un)employment situation, I have seen no reason to change this as long as its what she wants.  I offer and if she wants it - great - and if she refuses - that's fine too.   

I do see signs here and there of her starting the process to self-wean and I am completely at peace with this.  While I realize that the opinions can vary far and wide on this subject, I have always been of the mindset that when my babies are ready to stop, then I will stop, as long as they are making that decision.  I have a hard time with making that decision for them. When will this end?  I don't know.  But for today, I am feeling good about where we are.

If she could talk, she would say, "more milky!"

I'm Supposed to do WHAT at Work?!

Breastfeeding. It's a commitment - no question about it. And an even bigger commitment if you've decided to go back to work and continue your journey in nourishing your little one in the best way possible.  I nursed AK for 13 months and 9 days when we ended on her terms and in great peace.  I also worked full time starting at 3 months, so I pumped consistently during the work-day for 10 months.

As I was going through this, I wish I would have had the wherewithal to ask the questions that I never knew to ask.  (Yeah, I'm not sure that makes sense either).  I did a little bit of googling, but nothing really geared toward building and sustaining a relationship with your pump while at work.  And a relationship it is.

So, here's all the stuff your mother never told you about pumping at work:

1.  It's not all that much fun. Let's call a spade a spade. You're hooked up to a machine, by the breasts once or twice a day.

2.  It is required - by law - that your workplace allow you to pump while at work.  Here are the specifics (from the US Department of Labor's website). Four months after I finished my nursing experience, I still wish I knew some of these when I was going through it:

• Employers are required to provide “reasonable break time for an employee to express breast milk for her nursing child for 1 year after the child’s birth each time such employee has need to express the milk.”

• Employers are also required to provide “a place, other than a bathroom, that is shielded from view and free from intrusion from coworkers and the public, which may be used by an employee to express breast milk.”

• Employers are not required under the FLSA to compensate nursing mothers for breaks taken for the purpose of expressing milk. However, where employers already provide compensated breaks, an employee who uses that break time to express milk must be compensated in the same way that other employees are compensated for break time.

• While pumping, the employee must be completely relieved from duty OR compensation is required.

3. Eat and drink and then eat and drink some more.  I know, I know.  It's hard enough to just stay upright at work when you're sleep deprived and missing your kiddo. I didn't eat enough, my weight plummeted (it's not as glorious as it sounds, I promise) and my supply dropped. You may very well end up pumping during your lunch break. That's fine, but be sure to actually eat your lunch.

4.  Speaking of lunch - for the first eight months of being back to work, I rode a little moped about six blocks to AK's school where I nursed her. Committed I was and I understand this is absolutely not possible for everyone. But, if it is, I would highly recommend it. It keeps you connected to your babe, gives you a little break and keeps your supply higher.

5.  And while we're on the topic of supply... the pump is not nearly as efficient as your baby.  Period. When I first started, I was pumping anywhere from 10 to 12 ounces once per day (in addition to the lunch feed). Please understand that this is higher than normal from what I have heard.  By the end of the eight months, I was down to about four ounces once per day. It was shocking, but it is natural. To keep supply as high as possible:

• Relax. A sure-fire way to negatively impact your supply is to worry.  So, stop that now.

• Put up a picture. Hang a cute (aren't they all cute?!) picture of your little one somewhere in your pumping area. It helps.

• Mother's Milk Tea. I'm not really sure how much it helped, but it made me feel better.

6.  Storage.  I recommend transferring your milk into plastic milk storage bags. It's easier to store and easier to transport. Any of these work just fine. You can do one of two things:

• Store it in a fridge somewhere. It'd be great if we all had our own private fridge at work, but that's not always possible. If you do use a public fridge, it's a nice idea to find something covert to store it in. I used an ice bucket that was not in circulation at my hotel. But, you could also use a lunch box or cooler.

• Store it in an insulated cooler. Use an ice pack and it will stay cool enough to get home and get into the fridge or freezer.

7.  Turn the other way.  There will be naysayers. There will be people who give you attitude or funny looks or whisper. Who cares, really? I held a pretty big job during AK's first year of life and I remained steadfastly committed to continuing our nursing relationship. And, am I ever glad I did. You don't have to explain anything to anyone about your choice. Congratulations for making this choice!

Finding Delight in Daycare

When I was pregnant with AK, I told the HR Director at my job, when discussing my maternity leave that I would most likely "come back after eight weeks" even though given twelve.  Although she knew me well, she knew my work ethic and she knew my passion for my job, she looked at me like I had suddenly sprouted another ear. And she very gently said, "Sarah, you will want to take every minute that you are given with your baby. I promise.  Let's count on you coming back after your thirteenth week."  I sighed and went to give birth to my baby.

Fast forward to about a week after AK was born. I looked at this perfectly pink little being and thought that there was no way I could EVER leave her.  Ever.  Then began my downward spiral into the Daycare Dilemma.  And spiraled downward I did.  Looking back, perhaps it was a little Postpartum Depression, but relinquishing the fact that my sweet little baby was going to be in daycare full time was something I just could not have conceived of (pun intended).  My brain just couldn't grasp it.

We had a daycare picked out for AK and she was on the "list."  It was Qualastar rated, and rated very well. The teachers were very nice when we visited.  It was a big, clean building with lots of colorful artwork hanging on the walls. It was as perfect as it could be.  But, it wasn't me.  It was someone else caring for my child - more than even me.

I know you're wondering when the spirit of this post picks up, so here it comes:

Putting AK in daycare, full-time even, was one of the absolute BEST decisions husband and I could have made as her parents.  I have now become an advocate for traditional day care and am even vying for a seat on her school's Board of Directors. Note:  I am the biggest admirer of those that stay at home with their children.  I think it is a job larger than most other jobs in the blue collar world.  However, it was something that my husband and I were unable to make work for us as a family and daycare was our only option.

That first day, with three bottles of milk in hand, husband dragged me into the Infant Room where I sobbed as I handed over my tiny baby.  It didn't matter than the woman I handed my baby to has been caring for infants for over 20 years and has the face (and demeanor) of an angel.  It didn't matter that AK now points and runs into the room to see this first teacher and another teacher who lovingly calls her "Princessa Babaloo."  It didn't matter that the third teacher was also starting her first day and developed an immediate connection with AK that continues into our personal world even today.  It didn't matter.

But, it sure does now.

AK stayed in the infant room until she was about fourteen months old.  I could not have imagined anywhere better to bring my child.  The care she received in this room was second to none and it was a hoot to watch her develop socially - she started making tiny little friends.  In addition, a bottle refuser she was and those patient souls would spoon feed her milk - every day.

She is now in the waddler room. They are becoming little people now. Today, the day started with a little fairy dress-up.

Another day of Fairy Play

Her developmental growth is out of this world - she picks up a new word, a new sign (they practice basic sign language at her school) or the knowledge of a new animal/color/body part every day it seems.  Her socialization is second to none.  She interacts beautifully with other children and respects the boundaries of those she does not know.  Her teachers adore her (Naturally, I say).

The honest truth: Getting to this very place that I rest now did not happen overnight. The first month was the biggest struggle of my adult life. But, thankfully, each month that passed got progressively easier and even more enjoyable. It wasn't long before I was looking forward to whatever adventure awaited AK at school that day.

I've learned a lot through this journey, about my AK, about myself and about how to be an even better parent.  Don't be afraid of daycare, it just may be one of the smartest decisions you make.

Here are some little things that have made my journey smoother:

1.  Be prepared.  Although these teachers likely knew their way around an infant, I created a one-page "download" on all things AK.  What she eats, how she eats, how she sleeps and any other nuances I wanted them to know about.  Although they likely chuckled at me once I left and rarely referenced my dissertation, it was a nice peace of mind for me.

2.  Go.  That's right - go visit.  For the first 10 months, I nursed AK every day during my lunch.  I understand this may not be possible for everyone, but I am grateful it worked for us.  During this time, I got to know these teachers and delight in who they were as individuals.  They became not just caregivers, but friends.  Even if you don't have this luxury, make some time to spend a few extra minutes with the teachers either at drop-off or pick-up.   I avoided treating daycare like my drycleaner (ie. "Here you go.  Thanks, bye.")

3. Expect illness. It's going to happen - period. Young children have no concept of hygiene, so germs and illnesses run rampant. If you're like us and lucky enough to have won the sick-kid-lotto, AK was sick more than she wasn't. Thankfully, another journey ensued and we have been able to proactively ward off many of these illnesses homeopathically. (I wrote about this particular adventure here ).

4.  Talk.  I talked.  And talked.  And talked.  To the teachers, to the Director and even to the other parents. I didn't over-share, but I made sure to express what I needed for AK, what I was thrilled about and any concerns I might have had.  This has helped me to avoid holding on to any negativity stemming from my own insecurities.

Delighting in Daycare!

What Do You Want to be when You Grow Up?

Have you always known what you wanted to be when you grew up?  

I am definitely not one of those people.  But, oh, how I have yearned to know what my "magic" job is. However, I have focused my career in the non-profit management sector for the past 14 years (wait, how did I get that old?!) - and now I am again questioning what I want to be when I “grow up.”  It's quite the ride.

As I have mentioned before, I was laid off from my job two months ago and am now in the midst of searching for that new position that feels like THE ONE. (Is there even such a thing?!)  It’s been pretty tough, but humbling and enlightening at the same time.  The last time I had to find a new job, I could check the "no kids" box, which makes it super easy to accept positions that require extra hours, long hours, long commutes, lots of travel…you get the picture.  

What’s more is that the position I just ended, although extra hours and travel were required, it allowed me to balance my career and family so well, and for that I will be forever grateful. (And, let's be honest, perhaps a little spoiled).  

Taking on something bigger now feels not so easy, even with a supportive husband. But, he too has a demanding career.  My life has changed so drastically since that last job search that what I am seeking, my goals, and my values have certainly evolved and are not the same as they used to be. To add to that pressure is an internal war waging inside me over slowing it down professionally while my kids are so young versus continuing to take on more responsibility.  That extra responsibility has a price, no?  

When "work" took on a whole new meaning

This period of time before the kids go to school is so short-lived and I do not want to regret not truly being present to enjoy it. Yet, I also crave the professional environment where I can utilize my skills, my intelligence and my education.  Finding a satisfying job with an organization that shares my values and that can fulfill the above mentioned requirements - does it exist?  I have to believe it does.  

It’s funny though, although one of the most difficult things I have ever gone through, getting laid off has brought me some unexpected pay-offs.  It has afforded me the opportunity to do significant re-evaluation and reflection regarding my priorities, professional ambitions, family goals, etc. – but more importantly, the desire to identify just what is my PASSION, which I have never adequately pursued before.  

I am already pursuing new professional endeavors that even 6 months ago, I wasn’t sure I had it in me.  There is nothing like losing a job though to force you to take big risks where in the past you might have hesitated- namely through this blog.  If there is anything I have learned in my 3+ years of parenting and working, it’s that I have learned a lot! And, I want to share my experiences so other moms like me know they are not alone.  Because, I know I have certainly felt alone in so many of these feelings and experiences.

This period of time defines transition, one that I am trying to embrace to the fullest. I can only hope that down the road when I have come out on the other side, with perspective, I can say I valued this time away from full-time employment, pursued my passions, and ultimately made the best decisions not only for myself, but for my family.    

8 Real Tips for Pumping While Travelling without your Baby

For the past four years, my job required that I travelled overnight one or more times a month, mostly requiring air travel.  Also during the past four years I had two babies, each of which I breastfed for 12 months.  The bright side of this is that I have become quite experienced travelling with my pump (hilarious stories about my travels told separately).  I see so many questions about this subject in various message boards, so below are my tricks of the trade, so to speak, for managing this endeavor.  Happy Pumping!

1.     Ice Packs.  Bring ice packs proportional to the amount of pumped milk you plan to carry home.  For example, if you will be gone a week, then 1-2 ice packs is not enough.  If you plan to carry ice packs on the plane, make sure they are frozen to avoid extra screening through security.  I usually would pack my extra ice packs in my checked bag if possible to avoid having to carry them on plane before I needed them. 

2.     Milk Storage and Transport.  Depending on the length of your trip, you will need more space than your pump cooler bag allows.  I purchased a foldable, neoprene cooler bag of medium size and packed it in my suitcase.  On my return trip home, I packed it full of milk and ice packs allowing for plenty of space to bring home the milk.  No need to dump any milk!

3.     No place to Pump, No problem.  During much of my travel, I was driving from meeting to meeting.  Because of this I either had no time or no place to pump.  Out of necessity, and this may sound crazy, but I had to learn to pump and drive.  This endeavor is actually quite easy.  Hook up your pump as normal and place it in the passenger seat.  Ideally, instead of using a battery pack (I always found the pump wasn’t as powerful when run off batteries), purchase an appropriate cord to connect pump to the car’s lighter outlet. Bonus if the car has an actual outlet.  The key to this scenario is to also bring your nursing cover so once the pump is going, cover yourself up and pump away!  No one you drive by will be the wiser.

4.     Pumping at the Airport. The best place to pump without a doubt is a family restroom.  There is always an outlet, usually a bench and/or shelf, and is completely private.  Do not feel guilty for hogging the family restroom for 20 minutes.  I have seen many a pumping mama exiting the family restroom as well as the male business traveler. Hmm. 

5.     Carrying Home Pumped Milk.  Ideally, try to freeze the pumped milk before you depart.  This is especially helpful if your travel home is relatively short (1-3 hours) and you will freeze the milk upon your return home.  Frozen milk packed with enough ice packs will stay mostly frozen in this time and if you can get it right in the freezer when you get home, it will be fine.  Travel of longer time periods you may not want to freeze as it may fully defrost, so just make sure you have enough ice packs to keep it cold.

6.     Have a Schedule.  I always found it easiest to stick to my baby’s normal feeding schedule in order to time pumping sessions, whenever possible.  The reason this is important is that you don’t want your milk supply to be negatively affected by missed feeding sessions.  Milk production is truly supply and demand and since your baby is not there to drain the boobs, sticking to a pumping schedule could be the most important part of your travel.  Case in point, if your baby is still feeding at night, you might want to still get up at night to pump.  If you can’t resist a full night sleep alone in a hotel room (Ahem), pump immediately before sleep and right when you wake.  One or possibly two nights of missed night pumping is not the end of the world, however, more than that could create a milk shortage during the day. 

7.     Drink and Eat.  Don’t forget to take care of yourself and this includes enough calories and plenty of water to produce enough milk.  Work travel can be busy and it is easy to forget this, or not have access to enough sustenance.  I avoided this by packing snacks, a refillable water bottle, and stopping at a grocery store when I arrived to my destination to stock up on food for meals and snacks.  

8.     Get Home and Nurse Your Baby.  When you get home, your first priority is to nurse your baby.  This is important for a few reasons.  Baby has missed mommy and you want to re-establish the connection and let baby know you are still open for business. Also, depending how long you were gone, your boobs may need a good draining.  In my experience, more than 3-4 days solo-pumping and I would get a bit tender.  One good nursing session and my boobs were always back to normal. 

 

Are these tips helpful? Do you have a lot of experience travelling and pumping? 

What would you add to my list?

  



A "Lactation Station" was recently installed in Vermont's Burlington International Airport!

The Day I Got Reprimanded by AK's School for Not Packing a "Perfect" Lunch

I made a pact – with myself and with my newborn child – that I would do my absolute best to nourish her body with healthy foods.  As a full-time working mom who made all of her baby food, it’s been a commitment.  But, then again, I nursed her for 13 months, so I get commitment and I remain committed.

With AK in school every day, I pack her lunch the night before (thanks to T for slapping me upside the head for attempting to pack it in the morning – and for what reason?!)  Her lunch includes all of the necessities – grains, fruits, veggies, dairy and protein.  Recently, however, she’s been resisting her veggies.  I know, I know, shocking, huh? I know it’s a phase, so I do what any veggie-loving momma would do – I put them in everything else.

The Barilla brand of pasta makes pasta with veggies packed right into it – a full serving of veggies in every serving of pasta.  Yes, please.  I put grated carrots in her turkey meatloaf and grated everything into her pasta sauce (broccoli, carrots, kale, etc…)  I also pack her an organic baby food pouch with fruits and veggies in it on top of her full lunch every day.  That way, if she ditches the blueberries, I have tricked her by ensuring she gets those key nutrients in other ways. 

So you get it – I pack healthy, I am healthy, blah blah blah.  Then imagine my surprise when I go to unpack AK’s lunch one day to find this pretty little note from her teachers.  “Dear Parent – please remember to pack food from all food groups for your child’s lunch.”  Included on this pretty little note is a drawing of the five food groups, just in case I had forgotten.  Forgotten?  I am like the antithesis of forgetting. 

Confession alert:  I freaked out.  A little.  OK, a lot.  I picked up the phone, called T, who is my source of support on everything baby  (Duh.  We’re writing this blog together) and I went off.  “Don’t they know…”  “Who do they think they are?”  “Did they not know what that was????”  After I released on her (what are best friends for) and gave her more than an earful, I took my best fine-tipped Sharpie and went to town on that pretty little note.

I wrote down everything I had packed, what food group it had come from and probably inserted just a little bit of attitude.  I then put that pretty little note back in her lunchbox to ensure that they read it the following day.

Fast forward to the following day:  AK is home sick from school.  In a series of messages to the teachers, I tell them they won’t see her, they exchange pleasantries regarding her recovery and then I get up the nerve:

ME:  Quick question:  the note that was in AK’s lunch box yesterday – did I forget something in her lunch?  I was surprised, as I am quite cognizant of what goes into her lunch and consequently her body each and every day.  (Yes, this message took restraint.  I was still quite heated)

THEM:  You are one of the few parents that do an outstanding job on their child’s lunches.  We just had to put this reminder in everyone’s lunchbox because we don’t want to single any parents out.  We are doing this because, sadly, some parents are not getting the proper nutrients into their children during the day.  And, we assure you that this is in the best interest of the children.  Therefore, please don’t feel offended.  You make awesome lunches for AK.  Sincerely, AK’s teachers

ME:  (Tail between legs)

Lessons learned:

1.  Not every thing from your child’s school is directed at you personally.

2.  Trust yourself and your intentions.

3.  For heaven’s sake woman, breathe.