My Never-Ending To-Do List

Lately, I have been feeling really overwhelmed with balancing it all.  It's nothing too specific that is causing this feeling although maybe I have a few too many things on my plate and need to remove one or two.  (Or just figure out how to let go a little better!) Is it me or as our kids get older is there more to do and not less?

The problem is that I am feeling more and more behind every day.  It is affecting my ability to just sit down and play with my kids without worrying about what item on my list isn't getting crossed off.  I am not devoting enough time to my paid work.  I cannot remember the last time I had alone time with husband in what could even remotely be considered a "date night."  And the list could go on...

Adjusting to being a full-time SAHM has been fairly easy for me.  (Seriously, husband, it has!)  I really do like being home, I love having significant time with my kids (well, most days), and the cherry on top, witnessing "firsts" that I otherwise would not if I was working.  Now if only it was that simple. 

Unfortunately, I don't solely "stay home" with my kids.  I also have two part-time jobs which thankfully I can (mostly) do from home, yet do require a handful or more of hours each week.

Throw in all the other things required for keeping a household running as well as trying to find a little "me" time here and there.  (My "me" time these days is going to the gym and I aim for 2-3 days a week. Without it, my kids could witness their very own apocalypse.)

Yes, I know it could be worse in a million different ways. Yes, I know I only have 2 kids and many moms juggle all this and more with more kids and a full-time job.

The real problem here is me.  Woah.

I need to learn to just let go of the things that don't matter too much (like if the house has been vacuumed this week), and focus on the bigger picture (like watching Brother and Sister finally learn to play nicely together).

In my own defense, if I may, I am a classic firstborn.

Some may call this an excuse, but hear me out.  You see, I have been reading "The Birth Order Book" by Dr. Kevin Leman and it has been a truly fascinating read.  Incidentally, my Mom has literally been quoting this book for years, to which I always have groaned and rolled my eyes.  She forced it on me a few months ago and now I cannot seem to stop talking about it.  This birth order stuff is for real.  Seriously, go read it!

Dr. Leman might just be spying in my windows.  As a firstborn, I am a perfectionistic, conscientious, well-organized, list-maker.  (Ever written something down that you already did just to cross it off? Yeah, you're probably a first born too...)  How's that for a confession- everyone who knows me is shaking their head in agreement right now. (And I just lost all the last-borns reading this right there.)

There are a whole bunch of great qualities that come with being a first-born though - 64% of US presidents have been first-borns!  I have always set high goals for my professional and personal life and worked my butt off to achieve them.

Being at home now has created new and different (and maybe not as lofty) goals for me and adjusting to this change has been tricky.  While I am who I am, I am also learning that it's OK to just not get anything done on the list for even one day. 

Regardless of your birth order, I know that these feelings are shared by many moms and dads out there.  Juggling work, family, and all of the responsibilities therein is no easy feat these days and parenting has changed significantly since my parents were doing the parenting.

I do believe some of this is simple self-awareness.  So here I am putting it out there publicly: I am aware, that I need to work on balance and letting go.  I need to let go and enjoy the ride.  I am counting on you to hold me to this...

It's Not Just Baby Fat Anymore

She's two. I think I am past the point of saying "It's just a little extra baby weight" and being taken seriously. My excuses are expired. How's that for accountability?

Yes, I love my squishy body for all the things it has done these past two years - carried a child, birthed a child and nourished a child. I do. I really love it. But, I most certainly do not like it right now. However, it's not about how I look so much as how I feel. I don't feel great. And, I am quite certain it's not just because I am a Mom.

What I am certain of is that I am not taking care of myself.

Before I became a Mom, I had no problem telling a Mom "You can't take care of other people if you don't take care of yourself." How perfectly naive I was. Humorous now.

I am not eating well. I am not sleeping well. And, I am not consistently exercising for myself. And, all three of these facts, would likely produce a response such as "I don't have time." And, it's true. Time is fleeting and time is sparse - for everyone, not just me. I don't have time. But, it's time to make time.

I'm 35. Not old. But, I feel old. And, I don't like that feeling.

I may never be a swimsuit model. And, I may never be a gym rat (again - been there, done that). And, I may never be the star of my local cross fit. But, never say never, right?

What I don't want: To diet. To starve myself. And, to miss out in one of life's greatest enjoyments - eating. I'm not in this to lose 100 pounds - with that, a diet may be necessary. What I want to be is healthy. And, I want to feel healthy. And, I don't want to guzzle a bottle of pepto every week or two because my insides are feeling yucky.

I want some energy back. I want my skin to be a bit smoother. I want my belly to feel better. And, since I'm sending my wishes out there, I'd love a flatter stomach.

I really want to exercise again. Remembering back to the times when exercise was an important philosophy in my daily life, I absolutely felt better. Add looking better to the list and you had me at hello.

There you have it: I am committing to making small changes in my life that will lead to big differences:

1.  I commit to making sleep a larger priority. 8 hours please. Or maybe 7.

2.  I commit to simply paying attention to what I am eating. It's called awareness and I am sure it exists even when eating. With that, I commit to not eating off my child's plate. It's mindless and not fulfilling and just ends up on my thighs.

3.  I commit to making exercise part of my daily routine again. If I miss a day, who cares, but I commit to not missing enough days in a row to equal a year.

That's it. I am not changing the world here.

Although, I guess my world might change in the process. I'm ready.

This is exactly what working out is like with a toddler, right? Not that mine is climbing on my face or anything....

And Now for My New Trick: Showering Alone!

Excuse me, I have an important announcement to make.  I just discovered the secret to a peaceful shower by myself!!!!!!  As in there are no children present.  I realize I may be a little late to this party, I apparently am a slow learner.  If you are a mom with kids home during the day: Pay attention.

See, I have this problem with getting to shower alone these days while I am a stay-at-home, work-at-home mom.  In fact, I rarely get to shower without an audience. 

Usually, the only way to ensure safety while I shower is to lock both kids in my bedroom with me.  Which, mind you, isn't peaceful or calm or anything resembling time to myself.  My bedroom also usually looks like a tornado hit it by the time I am ready to go.  As a result, sometimes it's just not worth the effort and the shower has to wait until nap time or even not at all...

Lately, my routine has included going to the gym 2-3 times a week.  Usually this happens while my oldest is at his half-day preschool.  I then bring my youngest to play with the other kids at the gym while I get a workout in.  The only problem is that after I am done I have approximately 23 minutes to get cleaned up and pick up my son.  So, I have been doing what any normal, rational person would do: Race home, throw a snack at my daughter and turn on Mickey Mouse, take a 3 minute shower, comb my hair, get dressed and run back to preschool for pick-up.  Calm and serene this is not.  So, I usually just remain sweaty for several more hours until I have time to do something with myself.  If I am lucky.

For some reason today, it occurred to me in the rush to get out the door that I could save myself several minutes of time if I showered at the gym and then went directly to the preschool for pick-up.  I packed my bag and went on with the morning.

Fast forward to post-workout.

I head to the dimly-lit locker room complete with energizing music, cushioned benches and full-size, surprisingly soft towels and prepare for my shower.  Sometime mid-shampoo, something occurs to me.  It's quiet.  Even peaceful.  There are no screams or demands emanating from around the shower curtain.  Hmmm.

This is really my locker room. For modesty's sake, I left myself out.

I finish my shower and proceed to get dressed where I am able to do so RIGHT AWAY without wrangling anyone or breaking up a fight.  Strange.  I even took an extra minute and applied nicely smelling lotion.  Then, I combed my hair and put on make-up without having to also do the same for a certain 19 month old. Not that I mind, its kinda cute she wants to do everything I do. But sometimes there just isn't time for that!

As I walk to the playroom to retrieve my daughter, I feel a sense of calm and peace come over me.  In that moment (and to be honest, only that moment), I feel like I am totally rockin' this Mom thing.  It was that feeling of having my sh*t together for what seemed like the first time in months ever. 

It was also nice to go to preschool and for once not be a sweaty mess.  See, other moms, I can look pretty here and there!

Right now, I am kicking myself for not thinking of this genius idea sooner!  Which leads me to my next question: Is it inappropriate to take the kids to the gym just so I can shower?

How I am Breaking the Rules the Second Time Around

If you've been around here for awhile reading about both mine and Sarah's journey through parenting, you may have noticed that we truly try to emulate the title of our blog.  Two (or To) Parent Simply.  And, I really do try to. 

But, recently I have noticed that I may perhaps be internalizing this motto just a little too much.  Maybe I am getting a little too laid back?  Or, maybe now that I have two kids I am just too busy that I am becoming "lazy," for lack of a better word, in certain areas of my parenting? 

"They" say that with your first born you go a bit overboard with everything and then with your last born you totally slack off and let them get away with murder.  This was definitely true in my childhood (let's just say I was basically on lock down while my sister, the baby, got, well, babied) and it's looking like it is going to be also true with my children.  Shoot.

I know I am not alone here in cutting corners or "forgetting" to do certain things now that there are two kids to attend to.  I also know that so many moms (and dads too) feel guilty over every little thing they do or don't do for their child that they feel they should be doing, like keeping them up past their bed time.  (Ahem, Sarah.)  Rules and schedules need to be broken once in a while in the interest of living life and having fun.  Trust me, the memories that are made when the schedule is forgotten will last a lot longer than the fact that the kid is a little tired or cranky.  They will adjust.

Some parents may be appalled by what I am about to confess. (Possibly even my partner in this blog.)  But, don't be.  I feel guilty about each of these items for a few seconds and then move on with my life.

- I cannot remember the last time I washed, disinfected or even wiped off my daughter's pacifiers.

- I hear you are supposed to give new foods to babies one at a time for a few days to ensure there is no allergy. And, to not give foods that are known to give reactions.  So, that pureed strawberry-mango combo at 6 months was a bad idea?  Oops.

- I have tried to limit the screen time for both kids.  However, there is no other earthly way possible to accomplish anything when they are both home and awake.  Therefore, CJ, the three year-old, does have TV privileges and so by default does EM, the 18 month old.  (She even knows how to turn on the TV and work the Ipad.)

- I am pretty sure my oldest did not have juice until he was at least 2 years old.  EM, however, of the words she knows well, regularly requests "apple."  And we give it to her.  (Watered down of course!) 

- If I hear a kid crying, or even screaming, I do not immediately go running.  I give it a minute or two and see if they can just take care of it on their own.  If it gets louder, then I go investigate.


I think that's enough confessing for one day!  So, am I terrible?  Or, can you relate and if so, what would you add to this list?  Please share so I know I am not alone here! 

Another way being the youngest rocks: Ice Cream!

I Don't Go to the Gym to Workout

Ok, that's half true.  I definitely go to workout.  I had two kids in two years- trust me, I NEED to workout. 

But lately I have been making an effort to go to the gym just a little bit more often and here's why:  I need a break. 

Right now, I am a full-time stay at-home mom, and as of two weeks ago, my son is also home from pre-school for the summer.  So for those of us counting, that's one 3 1/2 year old and one 17 month old.  And me. 

Keeping these kids entertained, fed healthy and complete meals and snacks, not fighting over who touched whose toy, and ensuring I don't completely lose my sanity is no easy task.  Not to say I don't love spending this time with my kids, but 10 hours a day while Daddy is at work can add up to a lot of hours to fill. 

Oh, and did I mention we live in the desert and it's hotter than hell outside?  The only outdoor activities we can participate in lately must involve water. 

So back to my big kick to get in shape.  Don't tell my husband - he thinks this is all a big effort to get that pre-baby body back.  And, while I do need to tone up (who doesn't!), my bigger motivation these days is to get some easy-peasy Mommy time.  Because, quite frankly, it's not so easy to get much time just for me.  And, I really don't feel guilty about this at all.

Our gym has an amazing kid zone complete with movie room and bounce house.  Trust me, the kids are not suffering.  They have time to play and interact with kids their own age and come back to me content and, bonus, a wee bit tired.   

You see, being home with the kids full-time can be, despite what many may think, exhausting and overwhelming.  I wouldn't trade it but that doesn't mean I don't need healthy outlets to maintain a little independence and well-being.  My time at the gym is most peaceful, calm, and serene part of my day - yes, seriously.  Even while breaking a sweat. 

Bye kids!
 (Can you just feel my sigh of relief?)

Confession: My Mom is the Fun One

There are literally countless life lessons I have learned from my mom. That woman is one tough, resilient lady.

Probably the best lesson I have learned that has been applicable to me recently is this: be positive and enjoy life.  Ok, that's two things. That's also not rocket science. But, she has practically had to pound these messages into my brain at times.  (More on her many mom-isms to come.)

The thing is, my mom completely and totally lives this every day of her life.  Hell, she exudes this message out of every pore of her body.  Sure she has bad days, or maybe even weeks, and life has definitely dealt her some big blows. But you know what, she has never ever, ever let it get her down or keep her down.  She has set an amazing example to my two siblings and myself that regardless of what terrible or tragic things may happen in our lives, we must carry on, remain positive, and live our lives as happily and fully as we can.

Ok, so maybe that's enough sappiness for one post.  However, I feel a little accolade and props is necessary.  The woman amazes me and her energy level is off the chart. Also, husband, if you are reading this, stop wondering why I like to be busy.  I promise I am getting to a point soon.

And my point is this: my mom is now at a turning point in her life as she approaches retirement. Most start to slow down about now, right? At least that's what I hear 60-year olds do. My mom? Not so much. It seems the woman is kicking it into high gear. Now it is finally HER time. I honestly don't know how she has the energy and she's still working full-time.

I live across the country from my mom and just spent two weeks with her so kept her schedule light in order to spend time with my family. The week before I got home though? She kayaked after work 4 nights (her latest sport venture), dinner out, imbibed during Friday happy hour, and hiked all day Saturday plus throw in some yard work, church, and of course her regular day job.  I am exhausted just thinking about that. (My defense: I have a 17 month old and a 3 year old. That's pretty exhausting right there.)

This is also the woman who took advantage of a winter weather state of emergency a few months back by going cross-country skiing at a local park. Her explanation, the snow was just beautiful and it was quiet and serene. Of course it was! Everyone was buying milk and hunkering down in their houses for the night.

Her activities are countless: biking, hiking, kayaking, volunteer usher at two local theaters, cross-country skiing, alpine skiing, garden club, bible study, operas, weekly happy hours (must not forget happy hour!), plus her three kids and three grand kids.  Whew!

Maybe she's not so unique. After all, our parents spend the better part of two decades carting our butts around to school, sports, doctor appointments, friends houses, jobs, and college.  She's finally free and she is living it up.  And I say, go for it. I love knowing that my mom is out having fun and enjoying her life to the fullest and then some.  I can only hope to have the energy and good health at her age to continue the same level of activity.

There is a moral to this story I think.  It sounds cliché but age is completely just a number, it really means nothing and its all about your mindset.  You can do anything you set your mind to (I'm looking at myself here) and this concept extends far beyond just staying active as you age.  Definitely a message I need to absorb a little bit better once in a while.

I just wish my Mom would stay home once in a while so she had more time for me.  I'm lucky if I get 5 minutes these days. (Hi Mom!)


Yep, that's how she rolls.

Nurturing Marriage After Kids

I belong to an online forum of Moms with kids all around the same age. I love this group even though the vast majority of us wouldn't know each other from Adam if we tripped across each other. We've never met in person, but we share some of our deepest, darkest thoughts, concerns, as well as unfiltered joys. We support each other as we all are going through many of the same things with our little ones.

A post from one of my Mom friends caught my eye today. She was honestly mentioning that she would get annoyed when her husband would gently come on to her during the day when she was focused on being a Mom. I so appreciated her honesty. Her post was met with a slew of opinions from "OMG - that drives me crazy, too" to "You'll be even more distraught when he stops showing he's interested in you" to "Be happy that he finds you attractive." This got me thinking.

Before we had AK, husband was my world. My focus revolved around him - in the most healthy way possible. We did everything together and for the most part, it was just the two of us. We were (and are, don't worry) blissfully happy. The energy that I had, which now seems like it was enough to send me to the moon sans rocketship, was spent on nurturing our marriage. It wasn't this sappy intentional love fest, but it was the way our world naturally worked.

Virtually every night was date night.



Before I was Mommy, I was all his

If I found someone "cute," it was him. Now, my cuteness radar seems to be focused on AK. And, when I found him cute, I told him. I shamefully tell you that these days, sometimes that appears to take too much energy. Or, the thought leaves as quickly as it entered while tending to something baby related.

When I saw something in a store that made me think of him, I got it for him. Our lives were filled with little surprises for each other. Today, my eye was caught only by the world's largest selection of Melissa and Doug puzzles. I don't think he will enjoy putting the blue triangle into its slot as much as AK will.

Husband is my partner in this parenthood thing. I adored him before I adored our little girl. She is half him, for heaven's sake. Just thinking about this fact makes me wildly appreciative and thankful for having such a wonderful partner. I would have it no other way.



Discussing their favorite flavor of Puff?

My husband - and many others that I know of - are not complex beings. He seems to beam for hours if I mention how handsome he is, how proud I am of him or how thankful I am for what he does for our family. It doesn't take much. And, one of the keys that I have to remember is that he feels love differently than I do.

I like little things. Cards, a single flower or a healthy snack. (Who am I kidding? A chocolate chip cookie, please) That doesn't necessarily do it for him, although I know he appreciates it. He likes being noticed by me. Damn. He's simple. In my world of constant activity, attention is one thing I can handle, and handle well.

So. Today, as much as I will focus on AK, I will remember that husband was husband before he was Daddy. He needs love, affection and attention too. And, he deserves it.

Mommies with the Mostest, If We Do Say So

My fellow blogger, Sarah, and I just completed a weekend of "research and development" for our little blog.  Yes, that's what we will call it. 

But, mostly fun was had by mostly all most of the time.  We jam-packed so much kid-oriented activities, toddler-inspired meals, and even a little mommy time into four days we can hardly believe it.  We felt like Super Moms and feel the need to brag for just a moment.  Because these special moments just do not occur as much as we might try to produce them.  And, why have a blog if you can't toot your own horn a little when it is deserving, right? 

While every day was special, as it always is when our families get together, Saturday was particularly so.  For some reason, the stars aligned, the kids were healthy enough, everyone cooperated, everyone napped according to schedule, and we were able to fit more in this day than I can usually fit in a month.  It may have been a day early, but it really felt like the most special Mother's Day.

(Disclaimer: None of the following would have been possible if not for the incredible behind the scenes support of one darling husband.) 

Here is what we pulled off:
- Soccer game for CJ
- Group outing to train park including carnival rides and picnic lunch
- Three-hour nap time for all kids
- Mommy pedicures and shopping
- Outdoor play and swim in the pool
- Wholesome dinner for kids and husband
- Kids prepped for bed
- Mommy night out (!!)

Needless to say, we were all a little tired on Sunday, the actual celebration of Mother's Day.  Perhaps so tired that little actual Mother's Day celebrating actually occurred, for a variety of reasons.  But you know what, it was ok.  Who cares if it wasn't on the actual day. We felt special and loved by our kids and husbands.  Isn't that what matters after all? 

If there is one thing I have learned in the three plus years since my oldest arrived, it's that you can not win at this motherhood thing every day, and in this case, especially with three little kids between us to wrangle.  It should be considered a miracle that we made it out of the house as much as we did. 


Clothes are optional, clearly.

Sarah and I actually have very little face-to-face time, as we live in different states hours apart.  Yet, we are so fortunate to be able to arrange weekend visits here and there and I am always so grateful for any time we have.  We try so hard to take advantage of this time together - to bond as friends, moms and also for our children to create relationships that will hopefully last a lifetime.  It's really pretty special. 

A few days later and I am still riding the high of the weekend.  Meanwhile, my kids are exhausted, cranky, and both of my kids and husband have been sick this week.  Yet, I am completely unstressed by these current circumstances and I attribute that solely to the four days I got to have with my bestest, as I call her.  A "shot in the arm" as my Mom would call it.  And, it really was. 


The Decision to be "One And Done"

Seriously.  We are only having one.

Are you still reading?

There are some 14 million only-children in the US, representing about 20% of all kids.   This statistic has grown dramatically in the past fifty years or so, when only-children were thought of to be spoiled, lonely and entitled.

I was an only child.  Kind of.  Is that like being kind of pregnant - impossible?  Nope.  My parents added another one to our family when I was almost nine.  They even tell me that was a deliberate decision although I struggle believing them - even today.  Although I love the heck out of her now, I spent from about age nine to eighteen wishing I could have continued with my true only-ness.

And because we are so far apart in age, both of us had a bit of an only-child experience.

Husband and I agreed, before we even decided to slightly expand our family that this one would be it.  Why, you ask?

First, we live a very active lifestyle in that we camp, backpack, hike, ski and do all those kinds of things that happen to you when you choose to live in Colorado.  Doing those things with one is, I only assume, a bit easier.

Second, husband is just a touch older than me.  I adore him to the core so I don't need to give away his secrets, but let's just say he made out like that proverbial bandit.  Younger, hot wife.  I am puffing out my chest as I write this.

And, lastly, that's all we wanted.  Period.  Having one allows us to focus all of our attentions on helping this one little person grow into the absolute best version of herself.  But, before you launch into all the reasons why more than one is even better, allow me to let you know that I get it.  Those that choose to have more than one are amazing and special  parents - hell, just one is tons of work - I don't know how you do it with two, three, four or eight!

There is a stigma attached to being an only.  I mentioned it above and I want to avoid it like the plague.  I truly believe that we can raise a well-adjusted, confident and joyful child even though she is our only.  But, I also believe we are going to have to work at it:

1.  Keeping her socialized.  You may know by now, I am a huge daycare advocate for this reason alone, but for many others.  Here, she is learning how to interact with not only other children, but adults as well.  She learns to take instruction from other people while being a good (or not so good, depending on the day) example for the other kids.

2.  Encouraging her independence.  Earlier this year, I was meeting professionally with another mom and brought Baba with me.  She was just learning to walk and was exploring the space. After I made sure she was safe, I would look at her every now and again, but I didn't hover and I just let her be independent.  The other mother, who didn't know me well said, "she must have older siblings."  When I asked why she would say that, she mentioned that I was very relaxed in letting her be her own person without being afraid of what might happen.

3.  Setting boundaries.  Fact of the matter:  she is the kid, we are the parents.  Especially as she gets older, I will have to remind myself that I am her Mom, not her friend.  She needs me to be her Mom - there will be plenty of time when she's much older (like, gasp, 30) that we can be friends.

4.  Refraining from spoiling.  She's two, so we're practicing this one now.  You may judge me even more when I tell you that we're not getting her anything for Christmas this year. Terrible? Not for her. She has a playroom filled to the brim with things that make her happy and keep her busy. And, knowing some of the generous people in our lives, I have a feeling she may have a thing or two (or ten, if you know my Mom) to open on Christmas morning. To us, that's enough. We are starting our focus on what Christmas is really about.

5.  Helping to build a strong relationship with Daddy. This one has recently gotten so fun to watch.  Case in point: I am making dinner two nights ago. Baba comes and grabs my hand to show me that she and Daddy had prepared an entire Playdough "meal" complete with peas, mac-n-cheese, spaghetti and meatballs and pizza. He had hand-made every little piece. I melted.

6.  Inviting friends.  At her current age, I could just as soon pack her up and go it alone, but it's much more fun - for both of us - to experience our fun with other people.  I take every opportunity to socialize her with other children - even though she is in preschool full time.  It's never too early for her to learn what friendships are all about. She's social, by nature, so we need to cultivate that.  As she grows, we are fully aware that some of our excursions may feel like we actually had more than one child.  But, the best part?  We get to give one back at the end.

The company we keep: it's about the quality, not the quantity. Right?!

Finding Delight in Daycare

When I was pregnant with AK, I told the HR Director at my job, when discussing my maternity leave that I would most likely "come back after eight weeks" even though given twelve.  Although she knew me well, she knew my work ethic and she knew my passion for my job, she looked at me like I had suddenly sprouted another ear. And she very gently said, "Sarah, you will want to take every minute that you are given with your baby. I promise.  Let's count on you coming back after your thirteenth week."  I sighed and went to give birth to my baby.

Fast forward to about a week after AK was born. I looked at this perfectly pink little being and thought that there was no way I could EVER leave her.  Ever.  Then began my downward spiral into the Daycare Dilemma.  And spiraled downward I did.  Looking back, perhaps it was a little Postpartum Depression, but relinquishing the fact that my sweet little baby was going to be in daycare full time was something I just could not have conceived of (pun intended).  My brain just couldn't grasp it.

We had a daycare picked out for AK and she was on the "list."  It was Qualastar rated, and rated very well. The teachers were very nice when we visited.  It was a big, clean building with lots of colorful artwork hanging on the walls. It was as perfect as it could be.  But, it wasn't me.  It was someone else caring for my child - more than even me.

I know you're wondering when the spirit of this post picks up, so here it comes:

Putting AK in daycare, full-time even, was one of the absolute BEST decisions husband and I could have made as her parents.  I have now become an advocate for traditional day care and am even vying for a seat on her school's Board of Directors. Note:  I am the biggest admirer of those that stay at home with their children.  I think it is a job larger than most other jobs in the blue collar world.  However, it was something that my husband and I were unable to make work for us as a family and daycare was our only option.

That first day, with three bottles of milk in hand, husband dragged me into the Infant Room where I sobbed as I handed over my tiny baby.  It didn't matter than the woman I handed my baby to has been caring for infants for over 20 years and has the face (and demeanor) of an angel.  It didn't matter that AK now points and runs into the room to see this first teacher and another teacher who lovingly calls her "Princessa Babaloo."  It didn't matter that the third teacher was also starting her first day and developed an immediate connection with AK that continues into our personal world even today.  It didn't matter.

But, it sure does now.

AK stayed in the infant room until she was about fourteen months old.  I could not have imagined anywhere better to bring my child.  The care she received in this room was second to none and it was a hoot to watch her develop socially - she started making tiny little friends.  In addition, a bottle refuser she was and those patient souls would spoon feed her milk - every day.

She is now in the waddler room. They are becoming little people now. Today, the day started with a little fairy dress-up.

Another day of Fairy Play

Her developmental growth is out of this world - she picks up a new word, a new sign (they practice basic sign language at her school) or the knowledge of a new animal/color/body part every day it seems.  Her socialization is second to none.  She interacts beautifully with other children and respects the boundaries of those she does not know.  Her teachers adore her (Naturally, I say).

The honest truth: Getting to this very place that I rest now did not happen overnight. The first month was the biggest struggle of my adult life. But, thankfully, each month that passed got progressively easier and even more enjoyable. It wasn't long before I was looking forward to whatever adventure awaited AK at school that day.

I've learned a lot through this journey, about my AK, about myself and about how to be an even better parent.  Don't be afraid of daycare, it just may be one of the smartest decisions you make.

Here are some little things that have made my journey smoother:

1.  Be prepared.  Although these teachers likely knew their way around an infant, I created a one-page "download" on all things AK.  What she eats, how she eats, how she sleeps and any other nuances I wanted them to know about.  Although they likely chuckled at me once I left and rarely referenced my dissertation, it was a nice peace of mind for me.

2.  Go.  That's right - go visit.  For the first 10 months, I nursed AK every day during my lunch.  I understand this may not be possible for everyone, but I am grateful it worked for us.  During this time, I got to know these teachers and delight in who they were as individuals.  They became not just caregivers, but friends.  Even if you don't have this luxury, make some time to spend a few extra minutes with the teachers either at drop-off or pick-up.   I avoided treating daycare like my drycleaner (ie. "Here you go.  Thanks, bye.")

3. Expect illness. It's going to happen - period. Young children have no concept of hygiene, so germs and illnesses run rampant. If you're like us and lucky enough to have won the sick-kid-lotto, AK was sick more than she wasn't. Thankfully, another journey ensued and we have been able to proactively ward off many of these illnesses homeopathically. (I wrote about this particular adventure here ).

4.  Talk.  I talked.  And talked.  And talked.  To the teachers, to the Director and even to the other parents. I didn't over-share, but I made sure to express what I needed for AK, what I was thrilled about and any concerns I might have had.  This has helped me to avoid holding on to any negativity stemming from my own insecurities.

Delighting in Daycare!

What Do You Want to be when You Grow Up?

Have you always known what you wanted to be when you grew up?  

I am definitely not one of those people.  But, oh, how I have yearned to know what my "magic" job is. However, I have focused my career in the non-profit management sector for the past 14 years (wait, how did I get that old?!) - and now I am again questioning what I want to be when I “grow up.”  It's quite the ride.

As I have mentioned before, I was laid off from my job two months ago and am now in the midst of searching for that new position that feels like THE ONE. (Is there even such a thing?!)  It’s been pretty tough, but humbling and enlightening at the same time.  The last time I had to find a new job, I could check the "no kids" box, which makes it super easy to accept positions that require extra hours, long hours, long commutes, lots of travel…you get the picture.  

What’s more is that the position I just ended, although extra hours and travel were required, it allowed me to balance my career and family so well, and for that I will be forever grateful. (And, let's be honest, perhaps a little spoiled).  

Taking on something bigger now feels not so easy, even with a supportive husband. But, he too has a demanding career.  My life has changed so drastically since that last job search that what I am seeking, my goals, and my values have certainly evolved and are not the same as they used to be. To add to that pressure is an internal war waging inside me over slowing it down professionally while my kids are so young versus continuing to take on more responsibility.  That extra responsibility has a price, no?  

When "work" took on a whole new meaning

This period of time before the kids go to school is so short-lived and I do not want to regret not truly being present to enjoy it. Yet, I also crave the professional environment where I can utilize my skills, my intelligence and my education.  Finding a satisfying job with an organization that shares my values and that can fulfill the above mentioned requirements - does it exist?  I have to believe it does.  

It’s funny though, although one of the most difficult things I have ever gone through, getting laid off has brought me some unexpected pay-offs.  It has afforded me the opportunity to do significant re-evaluation and reflection regarding my priorities, professional ambitions, family goals, etc. – but more importantly, the desire to identify just what is my PASSION, which I have never adequately pursued before.  

I am already pursuing new professional endeavors that even 6 months ago, I wasn’t sure I had it in me.  There is nothing like losing a job though to force you to take big risks where in the past you might have hesitated- namely through this blog.  If there is anything I have learned in my 3+ years of parenting and working, it’s that I have learned a lot! And, I want to share my experiences so other moms like me know they are not alone.  Because, I know I have certainly felt alone in so many of these feelings and experiences.

This period of time defines transition, one that I am trying to embrace to the fullest. I can only hope that down the road when I have come out on the other side, with perspective, I can say I valued this time away from full-time employment, pursued my passions, and ultimately made the best decisions not only for myself, but for my family.    

She Said What?!

Here's what she said:  "Isn't she late to start walking?"

"She" was a random stranger who interjected her opinion into my life whilst holding the tiniest baby who was, as a matter of fact, doing absolutely nothing, let alone walking.  "She" caused me to second guess my girl's development, although knowing matter-of-factly that was AK was just fine.

Truth be told:  AK walked late.  There.  I said it.  As a first time Mom, and one who has really tried to keep it as simple and serene as possible (HAHA- Parent and serene in the same sentence), it became a daily attempt to refrain from worry.

At her fifteen month appointment, which was held closer to her sixteenth month birthday, the pediatrician started the spiral into questioning her development.  Although I sincerely believe he tried to keep the conversation as nonchalant as possible, it was quite difficult to remain stoic while he stated, "Let's go ahead and get an appointment with an OT just to be sure there are no developmental issues."  Here's the thing:  I knew, without question, that there were no developmental issues.  Just like I knew at ten weeks pregnant that she was a girl.  I just knew.

But, I started questioning.  Why was she not walking?  Why did she consistently choose to crawl? Was it the billions of ear infections that have thrown off her balance?  Was I carrying her too much?

In her classroom at school, she was one of the oldest children - and the last to walk.  But, walk she did. One week shy of her seventeenth month birthday. As I was reminded by a dear friend, "Sarah. Chill. She's not going to crawl when she's four. She's just not." Thank you, dear friend.  She's not. And, she didn't.

AK's first word was spoken at around four months. And, as much as you may not believe me, I have video to prove it. It was, of course, Dada. But, it was said deliberately in reference to her Dad, repeated and done several times. Her vocabulary growth took a bit of hiatus after that, until right around eleven months when she perfectly uttered the word "uh-oh." The "oh" causing her little lips to purse perfectly. From that point forward, it's been non-stop:  duck, dog, wow, up, down, out, eyes, purple, more, ball.  A new word every day, it seems.

My point in telling you is this: She chose to develop her language skills first.  Even if this statement is not scientifically proven, I believe it. That's just where she chose to focus. Language and fine motor skills took precedence over choosing to stand erect and walk like Momma. Ultimately, she is going to do it all until she becomes a fully functioning, walking, talking little person.

What I learned:

1.  Every child develops at a pace conducive to him or her as an individual. Unless dealing with significant developmental delays, she will walk, talk and do puzzles - all on her own time. She is her own person, after all.

2.  Don't compare. This one cannot be emphasized enough. Tracy's kids both walked around their first birthday. Many other friends have kids who walked somewhere between one and seventeen months. I hear some even go until they're eighteen months.

2.  Don't allow random, insignificant strangers to elicit a response or concern that is completely unjustified.

3.  For heaven's sake woman, chill out. (Yup. Second time I have told myself this. When will I start listening? Your guess is as good as mine).

I Read a Book! And, Thankfully, it wasn't a Board Book.

Actually, make that two books. That’s more books than I read in 2013 altogether. 

The husband and I just returned from one week of vacation – away from the kids, work, trying to find work, and all that lies in between.  Before you come to any conclusions on our escape, please understand a few things.  This was our first time away from both kids, by ourselves and together, for even one night, let alone seven.  We do not live near any family so this is definitely a privilege and also an event that likely will not soon be repeated. 

We definitely enjoyed our time away from playing cook, cleaner, laundress, butt wiper, errand runner, employee…and enjoyed all of the adult activities we rarely have the time for.  You know, drinking coffee while it’s hot, eating your meal while it’s hot, enjoying too many adult beverages, lounging by the pool instead of entertaining (read: chasing) children.  (If you were thinking of other adult activities, shame on you, this is a family blog!)  Let’s just say: it was a glorious time.  

Can't you just feel the relaxation?

Time away from the kids in any amount is something to be appreciated, valued, and most importantly, a routine occurrence.  As a parent, it is so easy to lose focus on who you really are, what you want in life, your goals, ambitions, etc.  I have found this to be especially true once we added the second child to our family– this has brought a whole new meaning to the word “busy” or even “crazy.”  And, if I am being honest, I do feel I have lost touch with much of who I was (pre-kids) during the past few years.  However, I also am totally aware that this time is temporary and I will one day again, soon-ish, have more time for myself and we will have more time my adult relationships. 

I realize none of what I am saying is new information, but, what is new is for me to recognize these feelings and to finally understand what parents of older children have been saying all along.  You just don’t really get it until you are IN it. 

So.  While I would love to be able to say: we will take more vacations alone! We will go on date nights every week! We will take time for ourselves every day!  I also know that trying to achieve these lofty ambitions would be setting us up to fail.  It’s just not currently realistic on a daily basis and I don’t want the disappointment when we fail the first week in. 

BUT, and there is a but here, I have now truly realized and internalized how valuable time away from the kids is.  And not the time away you experience on a dinner and a movie date-night.  With that scenario, you barely have time to decompress; in addition, the prep-work needed to prepare the babysitter for an evening is sometimes more stress than its worth (in my experience). 

Time away, like far away, is valuable in many other ways, especially for Type-A personalities like myself.  I can truly unplug, detach, and not worry because I have no other choice due to distance, lack of cell service and remoteness. And then guess what happens: I can finally relax, enjoy our time together, and continue to build a more solid foundation for our family to grow upon.  One that will hopefully get us through all that life throws at us until our next escape.  Speaking of which, I'm sure there's something I must be doing right now...

She Talks to Siri...

Parenting Simply.  It's almost an unspoken oxymoron in today's society.  And the complexities are everywhere - picking just the right baby gear; preparing the proper nutritional foods; learning how to discipline; learning how to sleep.  I have found that one of the biggest complexities lies in the fact that access to technology provides informational overload.  For me, anyway.

AK has virtually zero screen-time, with a few exceptions.  While she was sick for almost the entire month of February, cartoons on the Disney channel provided a welcome reprieve.  And, a Baby Einstein video is watched about once every two weeks.  She does not yet have any "apps" on the iPad or iPhone and she is not given either to "play" with.

So, imagine my surprise, when about two months ago, she picks up my iPhone which was laying on the floor of her playroom (more on that later), holds it so close to her eyes that it's virtually touching her forehead and stares at it intently.  (Just like she sees Mommy do).  Then she pushes the little button and starts "talking" to Siri.  (Yup.  Just like she sees Mommy do).  Siri wasn't as nice in her response - I got on her about that later. Something about not understanding a word of what you're saying.  Geesh.

My heart drops.  Really?  I don't consider myself a phone junkie, but she is obviously proving me wrong. When I then think back, I realize that Mommy looking at a text here, an email there, Facebook, Instagram and any other social media platform when you're 16 months old all adds up pretty quickly.  And, I do not remotely want my daughter to feel that my technologies are more important than she is.

I made a commitment right then and there - technology would only be used to take a photo of her.  When I was in her presence, I would be present. Truly present.  Not waiting for whomever to chirp, ring, ding or holler at me.  These days of her innocence are beautiful, funny and fleeting.  I don't want to miss a minute.

I'm not going to say it has been life-changing.  But, it has been eye opening.  Focusing all of my energies on enjoying her laughter, her silliness and her growth right-before-my-eyes has been enlightening and enjoyable. I watch her "make soup" in her play kitchen and pretend to eat it with glee.  I watch her put her Little People in her bus and make it go "vroom vroom."  I watch her burst into hysterics when she decides to go down her playroom slide headfirst, in only a diaper, and get stuck halfway down as her belly sticks to the slide.  And, I love it.

It's a serious conversation with Siri today

Shortly after I made this commitment to her, I tried it out with husband.  We drive to work together, with AK, and drop her off at daycare together.  It's a 40 minute commute each morning - usually spent perusing the most recent posts on Facebook, adorable pictures of my friend's kids on Instagram or actually looking intelligently at the news.  But, this day, I decided to keep my phone and iPad tucked away in my purse.  And, a few things happened.

First, I noticed what an incredible day it was.  We live in the Aspen Valley of Colorado.  It's stunning. Every day.  Shame on me for forgetting to rejoice in this beauty every single day.  I got my phone out.  To take a picture of a landscape I can hardly describe with justice.  And, then I quickly put it back in my purse.  I could Instagram it later.

Second, husband started talking to me.  Not that we don't have riveting conversations every day, but this one was different.  It was a simple, casual conversation that was sparked simply because I was available.  I am so thankful I didn't miss it.

And, third, we decided to have a dance party.  In the car at 7:45 in the morning.  All three of us.  It was hysterical.   AK was bobbing her head in the backseat, where she likely usually feels ignored, (I don't blame myself for that one.  It's proper safety, but every now and again, I feel bad for the kid back there facing backward all alone), husband was turning up the music and laughing as his crazy wife was getting funky to the music in the front seat.  To think, I might have missed this.

I haven't been "perfect" since then, whatever that is.  But, I have made a true conscious effort to put down the devices and be present with my loves.  I'll take silly dance parties over chirps and dings any day of the week.

Combating Illness Homeopathically?

I need to begin this post by stating that I am beyond blessed that my daughter is wholly healthy - physically and emotionally.  I would be remiss if I did not call attention to this fact as I launch into this post.

I nursed AK for 13 months.  I did so for many reasons, from the fact that it was very simple for us both, to the fact that I enjoyed creating that bond to the fact that it is supposed to improve an infants immunity to illnesses.  Many of my memories of my childhood, although extremely happy, included illness.  I am asthmatic and suffered with allergies, chronic colds and ear infections for my entire life.  I wanted nothing more than to do whatever I could do to prevent my AK from following in these specific footsteps.

Unfortunately, it hasn't started out that way.  At three months old, she picked up RSV and her illnesses, although relatively minor comparatively speaking, have continued.  Now, at sixteen months, she has had croup, RSV again, pneumonia, the flu and more ear infections than I can count.  At this point, it's starting to feel like she is sick more than she is well.  In addition, the medicines she has been on are starting to make me sick - literally and figuratively.

About a month ago, I decided that I had had enough of the antibiotics, steroids and cough medicines.  Not that I was considering leaving my child to suffer when medicines would help comfort her, but I felt that there just had to be a better way.

My second caveat is that I don't know how all of this will turn out.  I can tell you what I am hoping - and that's that in six months I look back with gratitude for the more natural methods I am trying having worked. Whatever it is, I am committed to documenting this journey in the hopes it will help not only us but someone else along the way.

I have started this journey with the chiropractor (I will call him doc from this point forward).  I found one, who happened to be mine, and he has a specialty in infants and children.  The first time I took AK, she slept more like that proverbial baby than I have ever seen.  It was almost like she could finally rest easy with her body back in alignment.  After two adjustments, the doc got admittedly cocky and I got admittedly trusting. We thought maybe we were working with a little one who would respond beautifully to a few adjustments and immunity would be immediately increased.  We were wrong.

She got heaps of sicknesses, one after another and I kept her away from the doc for no reason other than fear.  When I finally took her back, doc gave me a little lecture encouraging me to bring her in immediately the next time she even appears to be getting sick.  In addition, we have started a twice-weekly adjustment schedule until we can get her healthy for longer than seven days at a time!

In addition to this very ancient form of healing, I am trying the following things for proactive health:
(Note, I am not being paid, in any way, to endorse any of these products or websites)

1.  Humidifier.  The human body likes moisture.  The natural air we live in lacks moisture - even worse in some areas such as my state of Colorado.  When attempting to combat an illness, the body then makes its own moisture - in the form of mucous.  Enter illness.  Therefore, using a humidifier keeps the body from going into mucous overdrive.

2.  Pro-biotic.  Many doctors and scientists believe that good overall health ultimately begins in the gut.  Therefore, AK takes a pinch of probiotic powder twice a day.  I mix it in her oatmeal, yogurt, applesauce, smoothie and she is none the wiser.
Here is the pro-biotic we use.

3.  Fish Oil.  Most children are deficient in DHA and EHA.  The omega-3 essentially fatty acids in fish oil.  These vital nutrients are crucial building blocks of child development and play key roles in every aspect of health.  They come in little gummies, which she of course, devours.
AK loves the tangerine flavor of these.

4.  Congaplex.  Sounds weird, but is simply designed to build immunity.  They are little chewables that I hand to her with her meal.
And the link to these little guys.

At the end of the day, I am thinking of this as a marathon to health for AK.  Although her illnesses are recoverable and I am forever grateful for that, I want her to experience a healthy life, even if she IS in daycare!

Stay tuned for updates...

Cleanliness - the ticket to good health!

The New Witching Hour

What is it about four p.m.?  Three-fifty p.m. is easy-peasy.  Four o’clock hits and all hell breaks loose.  I have recently been laid off and so my kids are home with me all day. I know, cue the violins. But hear me out, please.  We have lots of fun in the mornings going on various adventures.  Lunch and nap follow and everyone seems to know what is expected of them.  Nap time is over and play time commences.  All seems to be going well and then, bam!  It’s four o’clock.  Daddy can’t get home soon enough as far as I am concerned.  No amount of projects, crafts, games, toys, TV shows, or even the sacred IPad, is enough to induce good behavior.  The three year-old and 1 year-old are fighting over toys, tearing apart the house, jumping on the couch, annoying the dog, wanting Mommy to be the entertainer extraordinaire.  (Did the previous seven hours mean nothing?)  Meanwhile, Mommy is attempting to cook a homemade, nutritious dinner which needs to be ready by five-thirty or these precious kids will really lose it.  On the really bad days, a glass of “mommy juice,” as one of my dear friends calls it, tends to be the best coping mechanism.  Wink, wink.

Maybe it’s the anticipation of the hour.  They know it’s almost dinner time, they know Daddy will be home soon-ish. They also are probably sick of Mommy and would like someone different to take over. Me too, kids.  At this point, the letters d-a-d-d-y take on a whole new meaning for all of us.  (Incidentally, the letters I would like to conjure an appearance are g-r-a-m-m-y.) But, I am not quite sure Daddy understands the importance of his homecoming.  I do know that he better be ready to hit the ground running. 

Daddy arrives, said nutritious dinner is consumed, and all is right in the world again.  Until tomorrow.

 

Photo taken sometime after four o'clock.