My Last Week as a SAHM

Big changes are coming for my family.  Again.  But, I have known this day was coming for almost, exactly, 12 months now. 

In some ways the past 12 months have passed in a blink.  And in other ways, it has seemed more like double or triple that amount of time.  It has been a great year and a hard year, all at once.  But now that the day is nearly here that I will return to full-time work, I wish that I could have just a little more time.  More time to play, run, and swing.  More time to do all the crafts and projects I still have not managed to have time to do.  More time for fun field trips and lunch dates with my two favorite little kids.

And, although I spent a lot of this year wishing away time for this day to come, now that it is here, part of me is still not ready.

I have so many mixed feelings surrounding this new adventure we are about to embark on.  I have searched long and hard for that perfect position and it seems I have finally found it.  I am excited, hopeful, ready.  And yet I am nervous, scared, overwhelmed. 

I knew that this would be a temporary situation...that has always been the plan.  But, as the days turned to weeks and then months, it has felt far less temporary and more our new way of life.  And a large part of me has been perfectly at peace with this reality. 

You see, I have loved this time with my kids where I was able to solely focus on my most important job: Mom.  If you caught me on a bad day, maybe it didn't always seem that way.  But I promise you that I have always remained grateful for the time and all of the experiences and memories I was able to create with my kids this past year.  For that matter, I already know that for the rest of my life, I will always look back at this year as one of the best...and most simple...of my children's childhood.

These memories will surely sustain me over these next weeks and months as I re-learn to juggle my "Mom" job with my new job.  (That's where the overwhelmed feeling is kicking in.)  I only hope that my kids will be able to feel the same as they see less of me than they are used to.  They will adapt, right??

I have seven more days to do all the things.  It feels too quick, daunting even, to pull off all that was left on that proverbial list of mine.  Seven more days to soak in this current life and prepare for the new one.  It feels big and so I'm trying not to think about it too much.  It's a good change...really. 

So now, I will put on a new hat, throw another ball back up into the air to juggle, get my brain back into the "zone" and hope and pray that I can do it all.   
   

These are the moments I will cherish.

8 Reasons Having a Sibling Rocks (for the Parents)

While my blogging partner here has extolled on all the wonderful things about being one and done, I thought it might be nice (and only fair) to also give a little credence to all the ways having more than one can be a very good thing indeed.  Well...most of the time. 

1.  No need to have to sit in the playroom and pretend to eat that plastic pizza for the 59th time today.  Having a playmate is probably the BEST reason to have that second baby.  Seriously, sometimes it's the only way I get anything done. (Other times it's definitely the reason I get nothing done.)

2.  Sharing is caring!  Even if you don't want to share that dump truck, you better believe that Sister is going to either rip it out of your hands or scream until she gets her way.  Moral of the story: We share our toys.

3.  You only have to teach certain life lessons once.  Then that trickle down theory comes into play.  See: Sister going pee-pee on the potty at 18 months versus Brother not even looking at a potty until nearly three.  Also: manners, giving up the paci, and riding a bike.

4.  What good are hand me downs if you don't have a sibling to pass them on to!  Isn't that the plight of second children?  But now that I'm a parent, it just totally make sense to have at least one more.  Or find a good friend you can pass them on to. (Wink, wink, bestie.)

5.  Once they are of a certain mature age (what age exactly is open for discussion) the older sibling is now available free of charge to babysit at any and all times of your choosing.  (Ahem MOM!)

6.  What better place to learn how to take a little teasing and bullying than right at home.  I like to think that all the fighting going on is giving them a little backbone to stand up for themselves when they are out there in the real world.  (Seriously.  You should see our Sister go at it. She is for real.)  

7.  Secrets don't make friends.  So, who else is there to share your secrets and keep them from everyone else other than a sibling?  As an adult, it's definitely been the best thing I love about having siblings.  They love me no matter what I do! (Right guys??)

8.  I just asked Brother.  He said the best thing about having a sister is because she loves him and keeping her safe and hugging her.  So, there you go.  Pretty sure that is all you need right there.  Excuse me now while I go blow my nose and dry my eyes.

Another Reason: Mommy needed to take a shower and Sister woke up early from nap.
Solution: Brother and Sister played nicely in the crib until Mommy was done.  (Seriously! They really did!)

         

Moms Unite! Mothering Through Social Media.

Not too long ago, it would have been virtually unheard of to meet someone in person that you really don't know. At all. Before the age of this Internet thing - which I am pretty sure is sticking around, by the way.

I remember back when "you've got mail" was the newest, hottest thing and that ding with the mailbox flag suddenly meant that someone who used to call or even write a letter (what's that, by the way?) now was able to electronically send a message - the start of today's Immediate Gratification society.

And, if you've followed us at all, you know that I have really practiced more of a Hand's Free mentality toward parenting.  I am far from perfect at this attempt, but while Baba is awake, my phone is (meant to be) not at the forefront of our daily activities. That doesn't mean that I am not drawn to every ding, tweet and ring. But, my priority is Baba.

With that, there is no denying that we live in a different time than when connection meant sitting in the closet with the phone cord wrapped around your finger talking to your best friend, who, coincidentally, lived three doors down. And, balancing where I really wish things still were (for innocence and simplicity's sake) with where they undoubtedly are.  So, it's a fact: I love social media.

I love that it keeps me connected. I love that I can still be social coordinator of our family, because, well, I know who is where, doing what and with whom. Husband would remain clueless if it wasn't for me. And, I love that I get to watch children grow up before my eyes. Here's the kicker - many, if not the majority, of these children are not littles that I even know. But, I do.

I know them because I have connected with their Mommas on social media platforms designed to bring together women who are all going through the same stages at the same time. Right now, it's all about potty training (ugh. It sucks. But, that's a different story for a different day). Aside from the world's worst task, we all watch each other's kiddos smile, laugh, grown, learn and play. It's bliss, really.

The support is like no other. Who else knows about the daily torments adventures more than someone living it every day - just like me?

So, earlier this month, Baba and I were planning a trip to visit my Grandma. In this social media life, I remembered that one of my favorite Mommas lives not far from Grams. And, so I reached out. Never having met this woman, but feeling like she was an old friend, it felt like the only natural thing to do. And, natural it was.  We met up at the local children's museum. And, we watched our littles play. And, play.

It was the sweetest thing.

I believe in socialization for Baba. Duh. I am the biggest preschool advocate there is. But, I also believe in play dates and random encounters with other kids so that Baba learns to get along with different types of kiddos.

Baba and "Baby" (her pet name for her new little friend) couldn't get enough of each other. They're at the perfect age to enjoy the company of others just like them. And, their Mommas couldn't get enough of watching them play.

At the end of the day, we all made new friends. And, there's no price on that. Two weeks later, Baba is still asking for "Baby."

I am pretty sure this is a friendship that has made its way past the screen and into our lives.

See you next time, "Baby."

School Started and This Mommy is Not Crying

Six weeks ago a momentous occasion occurred in my household.  Behold: my oldest went off to preschool!!  Never mind that he had previously been enrolled in daycare/preschool until this past June and this school is only three half-days a week

The reason to celebrate is simple.  He has been home full-time for the last three months and while I have loved (depending on the day) having him home all the time so that we can gallivant around town however we please, I also came to an important realization this summer.  This is a kid who needs both structure and routine but more importantly, an outlet for his immense energy and enthusiasm.

Being home full-time, it seems, has created multiple behavioral issues with him.  Brother has been picking fights with and being generally unkind to his younger, 19 month old, sister.  He has been refusing naps on the regular.  He has been resisting falling asleep for a good 90 minutes after we put him to bed at night and still waking at 5:30 am and then acting like an exhausted kid all day but still refusing sleep. 

Turns out, I believe all the idle, unstructured time at home has just not worked quite well for him.  And, ironically (or maybe not), every single one of the above issues we have experienced over the past few months has magically gone away over the past six weeks.  It's really been amazing.  We are cured!!

Also, to be honest, as much as he needs a break from too much time hanging out at home, I also could use the break.  Does this mean that I don't want to be home with him?  Does this mean I love him any less?  No.  Definitely not. It just means that I am both human and a busy parent who needs a few hours here and there to also have a break.  (Note: this is not true time to myself as little Sister is still home.)

The moral of the story though is that this little break, because it is little at just two and a half hours three days a week, is a good opportunity for all of us to do something fun without a mommy, sister or brother up in our business and to make new friends and learn new things.  The positive effects of preschool have clearly been far-reaching in this house! Everyone, and especially these little ones, need to feel a little independence as they mature and prepare to head out into the world.  And what a wonderful thing that is for all of us.   

We still have two years until Brother starts kindergarten.  (Because of his birth date, he will not start school until he is nearly 6!)  And while there are some days that I wish for time to pass more quickly so that I can have a little more independence, there are more days where I relish in the fact that right now I get to be the primary caretaker for my kids.  It's a pretty special thing really and since I don't know how long it will last, I try so hard to never lose sight of this opportunity I have been afforded.

Two years from now, or twenty years from now, I want to have zero regrets for how I spent this time.  So, while I happily drop off my special little guy at school three days a week, I also know it will only be just over two hours until I see him again. 

And Now for My New Trick: Showering Alone!

Excuse me, I have an important announcement to make.  I just discovered the secret to a peaceful shower by myself!!!!!!  As in there are no children present.  I realize I may be a little late to this party, I apparently am a slow learner.  If you are a mom with kids home during the day: Pay attention.

See, I have this problem with getting to shower alone these days while I am a stay-at-home, work-at-home mom.  In fact, I rarely get to shower without an audience. 

Usually, the only way to ensure safety while I shower is to lock both kids in my bedroom with me.  Which, mind you, isn't peaceful or calm or anything resembling time to myself.  My bedroom also usually looks like a tornado hit it by the time I am ready to go.  As a result, sometimes it's just not worth the effort and the shower has to wait until nap time or even not at all...

Lately, my routine has included going to the gym 2-3 times a week.  Usually this happens while my oldest is at his half-day preschool.  I then bring my youngest to play with the other kids at the gym while I get a workout in.  The only problem is that after I am done I have approximately 23 minutes to get cleaned up and pick up my son.  So, I have been doing what any normal, rational person would do: Race home, throw a snack at my daughter and turn on Mickey Mouse, take a 3 minute shower, comb my hair, get dressed and run back to preschool for pick-up.  Calm and serene this is not.  So, I usually just remain sweaty for several more hours until I have time to do something with myself.  If I am lucky.

For some reason today, it occurred to me in the rush to get out the door that I could save myself several minutes of time if I showered at the gym and then went directly to the preschool for pick-up.  I packed my bag and went on with the morning.

Fast forward to post-workout.

I head to the dimly-lit locker room complete with energizing music, cushioned benches and full-size, surprisingly soft towels and prepare for my shower.  Sometime mid-shampoo, something occurs to me.  It's quiet.  Even peaceful.  There are no screams or demands emanating from around the shower curtain.  Hmmm.

This is really my locker room. For modesty's sake, I left myself out.

I finish my shower and proceed to get dressed where I am able to do so RIGHT AWAY without wrangling anyone or breaking up a fight.  Strange.  I even took an extra minute and applied nicely smelling lotion.  Then, I combed my hair and put on make-up without having to also do the same for a certain 19 month old. Not that I mind, its kinda cute she wants to do everything I do. But sometimes there just isn't time for that!

As I walk to the playroom to retrieve my daughter, I feel a sense of calm and peace come over me.  In that moment (and to be honest, only that moment), I feel like I am totally rockin' this Mom thing.  It was that feeling of having my sh*t together for what seemed like the first time in months ever. 

It was also nice to go to preschool and for once not be a sweaty mess.  See, other moms, I can look pretty here and there!

Right now, I am kicking myself for not thinking of this genius idea sooner!  Which leads me to my next question: Is it inappropriate to take the kids to the gym just so I can shower?

She Only Has Eyes For Her Brother

When I think back to my own childhood, many of my memories include a certain much younger sister trailing around behind me.  Everywhere.  Always. I may or may not have constantly complained to my mother about this fact.  Her response, "She looks up to you. One day you will want her around."  Well, that day eventually arrived so I guess the joke's on me.  (See Sister, I do like you after all!)

Now I have whined stated nicely a few times about my kids and their tendency to, here and there, get under each other's skin.  And while these moments are not fun for me, the Mommy, since my son started his new pre-school a few weeks ago I have noticed a better trend emerging. 

They really do love each other.

We picked Brother up from school last week and you know what was the first thing was he said when we got in the car?  "Sister, I missed you!"  Me = puddle.  Then another day after we got home from pick-up, he gave her the biggest hug ever and she hugged him right back.  If these moments did not happen so quickly, I would record them if only so I could prove to them in 10 years that there was a day when they really did love each other.

So, there has been less fighting over Sister stealing batman and Brother grabbing back a train.  (Side note: That Sister is no joke.  She steals toys right out of Brother's hands, lays on top of them, and giggles.  Perhaps she is going to give us a run for our money?)  Life has been a little bit more pleasant and enjoyable because this Mommy has not had to separate kids that just do not want to play nicely together.

I will sit here nicely, if only for my brother.

So all of this is a little too cute, right?  Well, here's where it gets a little more fun. 

We all know that 18-month-olds can be a little challenging, to put it mildly.  Based on my own personal experience,  I also would wager that 18 month old girls, in particular, are even more so.  And my daughter has certainly not been an exception.  If she does not want to do something, it's just not happening, no matter how much I sweet-talk or bribe.  It's her way, or forget it.  She is the very definition of strong-willed and opinionated.

Let's say she refuses to eat one bite of her dinner, and I try to airplane it into her mouth - it's just not happening.  But if I then coerce have her darling brother to simply ask her to take a bite of said food. Bam. In the mouth.  Same for getting dressed, taking a bath, picking up toys, and on.  It's a bit ridiculous really.  My word is mud.

It is required now that Sister must do exactly what she sees her older Brother doing.  We also have to make sure we now have two of everything.  Maybe I am naïve but I really didn't see this happening at such a young age.  This morning, for example, we dropped Brother off at school and she completely lost it when it was time for her to say good-bye.  She had already found her place at the table and was ready to color, you see.  I had to drag her kicking and screaming, literally, out of the room.

Brother also plays soccer.  So, Sister must play soccer.  Last week for his first practice, she threw another fit because she wanted soccer socks and a soccer ball just like her Brother.  So, she wore the knee-high socks with her sneakers and carried along a baby-sized soccer ball and off we went.  Temper tantrum averted. 

At the end of the day, I'll take all this sibling love and milk it for all it's worth.  Why not capitalize on it and even encourage it a little more, right?  Sister looks at her bigger, older Brother with adoring eyes and I know that this relationship will only grow stronger as they get older.  Right??? Please say yes!     

Mommy's Being Mean

A few days ago I had one of those days. 

Regardless if you stay at home or work full-time, you know the kind of day I am referring to, right?  When nothing goes your way no matter what you do.  When you are tired, the patience is worn thin (or out) and you just need a little space to catch your breath and figure out the next move. When the kids don't behave regardless if you talk in your sweetest, most loving voice or scream at the top of your lungs.  When you also have 15 phone calls to make, several hours of errands to do not humanly possible with two kids in tow, a house to clean and dinner to make.  Let's also throw in a new job to figure out (more on that, later).

By dinner time, I was just exasperated.  Mostly because my three and a half year old and 18 month old would not stop with the fighting over every little toy we own. Which was turning into pushing, shoving, and hair pulling - and that's from EM, the 18 month old! (Side note: I'm thinking this girl is going to be able to hold her own on the playground...)  Who knew that this would even be a problem at these ages?!  Not me. 

Anyway, they were bringing their battle to the kitchen where I was trying to make dinner while simultaneously answering a few emails, return a phone call, and do the dishes.  Screaming and crying ensued over a wooden banana and a wooden steak. 

So what did I do?  The only rational thing of course.  I lost it.  I proceeded to give them a lecture of epic proportions that likely they did not even understand.  I also may have been raising my voice  just a tad.  It wasn't my prettiest moment as a parent but, in retrospect, the entire day was leading up to this and, frankly, I had nothing left. 

CJ, the older, perhaps a little wiser one, responded to my tirade with, "Come on sister. Mommy's being mean. Let's go."  And he took her hand, and walked them out of the room.  They then proceeded to QUIETLY and NICELY play for at least the next 20 minutes.  THEY LEFT ME ALONE.  I literally did not hear another peep.

Moral of the story:  Sometimes it is perfectly OK to get a little fiesty at your kids.  (I'm kidding, kinda.)  They won't like you for it (I promise, that's fleeting) but they may just leave you alone as a result!  And, if they learned even a little something (like, maybe, Mommy is only human, is not a saint, and needs a minute to breathe), it seems like a win-win to me. 

A moment of adoration for big brother.  And it was just that- a moment!

My Little Tornado, aka My Daughter

Holy moly, is a 15 month old busy!  Where in the world do they get this energy from?  I may not take a nap every day and sleep 12 hours a night (frankly, ridiculously less lately due to that same 15 month old waking every day at 4:45 am, thankyouverymuch. And remember, I am currently laid-off, therefore not needing to wake so early), but I still can't figure out where the reserves for this level of activeness come from.  Although EM is my second baby, I guess I forgot about this part.  

Toys are inconsequential, many days food is too. The only thing of interest is getting those little hands on anything and everything that has not been locked up or tied down and throwing it in her wake.

When do they stop being little tornados?

Frankly, there are days that I could do without that tornado that tears through my house multiple times per day.  I don't even know where all this stuff comes from - most of our cupboards are child-proofed but not everything we own is able to be either.  I know you may say, just leave the mess until the end of the day.  I do.  I clean it all up at the end of the day after bed time, except that which creates a tripping hazard through my kitchen.  Is it wrong to want just a wee bit of order even throughout the day?

I know this is a phase and it too shall pass.  And, as my husband reminded me this morning, when EM is 15 years old and being difficult as only a teenage girl can be, we will fondly look back on her tornado days with a tear in our eye at the preciousness of it all.  I do not disagree. Yet, part of me cannot wait to be through this particular phase.  Does that make me a terrible mom? 

This age is truly adorable and enjoyable for so many other reasons.  EM is starting to talk, developing such a wonderful personality, and a real relationship with her brother, and watching her figure out the world around her is an amazing experience as her parent.  She is a light and a joy to our family.  She laughs louder and harder and we all follow suite.  We marvel at her silliness.

Yet, this tornado part of being a 15 month old is getting just a bit exhausting for this mommy.  Can't we just sit and play nicely (and maybe quietly) with a few toys?  Nope, there she goes again.  Off to go rescue her brother's beloved trucks before he notices.

10 Reasons Why I Love My Squishy Body

I had been pondering this post for a bit and when I mentioned it to Tracy, my blogging partner, she said, "Ha.  I could never come up with 10 things I love about my body."  That was all the answer I needed to actually put the proverbial pen to paper on this very sensitive topic.

I haven't had the most loving of relationships with my body.  OK.  That's a gross overstatement.  I have spent the majority of my life hating the body that I continually look back at and think "Oh. I didn't look half bad there."  Half bad.  That's all I've ever been able to give myself.  Until I had a baby.

Crazy, right?  I was reading my weekly PEOPLE magazine - it's the "Most Beautiful" edition.  The one that usually sends me reeling into a fit of negativity surrounding my own beauty.  However, it appears that this one they have done just slightly differently although I cannot pinpoint exactly how. One segment is called "Naked at 34" and features five glamorous stars (tastefully) naked. It's not so much the photos that got me, but the introduction:  "A recent study reveals that women feel best about their bodies at age 34."  WHAT?  I am speechless.  I am also 34.

So, I thought, no time like the present to really take a look at what this body of mine has been able to and continues to accomplish:

1.  I can move.  I started with this one for a very good reason.  I want to forever be thankful to my body because I can move - I can run, I can walk, I can do yoga and I can lift weights.  (I said I can do all these things.  I didn't say I do them all.  Silly.)

2.  I made a human.  Seriously, people. I don't care if you're a Mom, a Dad, or neither - think about this for a minute.  Women MAKE humans inside of their bodies.  How absolutely stunningly incredible. My mind boggles.

3.  While making said human, I existed on apples and well, nothing else.  I had one of those pregnancies in that I threw up everything I ate and clothes-pinned my nose shut to avoid the constant nausea. Therefore, while I was making my daughter, I ate virtually nothing.  Want proof of that?  I ended my pregnancy 8 pounds heavier than I started. AK weighed just over six pounds at birth. And she was perfect. This means that, even with very little nutrients, my body was able to continue to do its unbelievably important job.

4.  Once born, I nourished said human by my body alone for seven months.  I exclusively breastfed AK for seven months before even beginning her first taste of solid foods.  My body actually MADE her food and kept her not only alive, but healthy.

5.  My after-baby body, although different, yes, still resembles the previous version.  Although softer, rounder and whatever else-er, it's still me.  I'm still 5'2" tall and on the petite side.  Even after stretching to accommodate my growing belly, I somehow still recognize myself.

6.  She loves to lay in my lap.  And, perhaps a small part of me thinks that my soft thighs or my soft belly make it even more comfortable for her.

7.  Her favorite body part of mine is my "belly."  She doesn't care that it's not flat, it's a little fluffy and rolls a bit when I sit down.

8.  I carry her in one arm while simultaneously doing 10 other activities.  This is certainly no attempt to bash Dads here, but have you ever watched them try to do this?  It's like they are physically incapable. When holding kids, they can stand still or walk forward to a single destination.  There is no feasible way they could empty the dishwasher, start a pot of water for pasta, get out a cup of teddy grahams and pour a sippy cup of milk all while holding a child.

9.  I have existed on far less sleep than any individual should be able to.  And, what I accomplish on so little sleep is next to miraculous.

10.  I don't have a hired team of 14 to make me look beautiful.  I get to do it all myself.  In the magazine article mentioned above, all five of those women sure were beautiful.  And, I can only imagine the number of people who contributed to that beauty.  My team is me.

Every day, my body is a reminder that I am a Mom.  And, there is no relationship in this world like the one between a mother and her child.  My body is a little jiggly, a little squishy and it's far from my ideal of perfect. However, it is beautiful because of what it has done, what it can do today and what it will do tomorrow. And, for that gift, I am grateful.

I Read a Book! And, Thankfully, it wasn't a Board Book.

Actually, make that two books. That’s more books than I read in 2013 altogether. 

The husband and I just returned from one week of vacation – away from the kids, work, trying to find work, and all that lies in between.  Before you come to any conclusions on our escape, please understand a few things.  This was our first time away from both kids, by ourselves and together, for even one night, let alone seven.  We do not live near any family so this is definitely a privilege and also an event that likely will not soon be repeated. 

We definitely enjoyed our time away from playing cook, cleaner, laundress, butt wiper, errand runner, employee…and enjoyed all of the adult activities we rarely have the time for.  You know, drinking coffee while it’s hot, eating your meal while it’s hot, enjoying too many adult beverages, lounging by the pool instead of entertaining (read: chasing) children.  (If you were thinking of other adult activities, shame on you, this is a family blog!)  Let’s just say: it was a glorious time.  

Can't you just feel the relaxation?

Time away from the kids in any amount is something to be appreciated, valued, and most importantly, a routine occurrence.  As a parent, it is so easy to lose focus on who you really are, what you want in life, your goals, ambitions, etc.  I have found this to be especially true once we added the second child to our family– this has brought a whole new meaning to the word “busy” or even “crazy.”  And, if I am being honest, I do feel I have lost touch with much of who I was (pre-kids) during the past few years.  However, I also am totally aware that this time is temporary and I will one day again, soon-ish, have more time for myself and we will have more time my adult relationships. 

I realize none of what I am saying is new information, but, what is new is for me to recognize these feelings and to finally understand what parents of older children have been saying all along.  You just don’t really get it until you are IN it. 

So.  While I would love to be able to say: we will take more vacations alone! We will go on date nights every week! We will take time for ourselves every day!  I also know that trying to achieve these lofty ambitions would be setting us up to fail.  It’s just not currently realistic on a daily basis and I don’t want the disappointment when we fail the first week in. 

BUT, and there is a but here, I have now truly realized and internalized how valuable time away from the kids is.  And not the time away you experience on a dinner and a movie date-night.  With that scenario, you barely have time to decompress; in addition, the prep-work needed to prepare the babysitter for an evening is sometimes more stress than its worth (in my experience). 

Time away, like far away, is valuable in many other ways, especially for Type-A personalities like myself.  I can truly unplug, detach, and not worry because I have no other choice due to distance, lack of cell service and remoteness. And then guess what happens: I can finally relax, enjoy our time together, and continue to build a more solid foundation for our family to grow upon.  One that will hopefully get us through all that life throws at us until our next escape.  Speaking of which, I'm sure there's something I must be doing right now...