10 Reasons Not To Find Out the Sex of Your Baby

Did you find out the sex of your baby(s) before it arrived?

I read this post on Scary Mommy a few days ago and it got me to thinking: Is it really so strange to NOT find out the gender of your baby before it is born?

Up until the past few decades, nobody found out what they were having until it popped out.  My mom's last baby was born in 1985, and while she did not find out the gender beforehand, she did have her first and only ultrasound with this pregnancy. And that was considered strange.

Fast forward to 2011 and my first pregnancy.  We did not find out the gender.  We wanted what my husband declared would be one of the only great surprises of our lives.  Second baby arrived in 2013 and again we chose not to find out the gender.  Was this crazy?

But let me tell you, there were plenty of family and friends who just did not understand this decision and the "when are you going to find out what you are having?" questions never really stopped. 

So, to each their own, but to anyone undecided, here you go!

10 reasons NOT to find out the sex of your baby:

1.  Surprises can be fun! It's like being a kid on Christmas morning.

2. You don't know what you don't know.  Once that 20 week ultrasound is over you may not get another chance to find out anyway.

3.  Want to drive certain annoying family members a bit crazy?  This may be a solution.

4.  Not finding out gives impatient people (like me) a lesson in patience.  Which comes in handy once that baby does arrive.

5.  You get to try all those old wives tales for predicting baby's gender.

6.  Buying gender neutral gear and clothes saves money! (For the next baby)

7.  Those gender reveal parties and announcements are a lot of work.

8.  Once you find out the gender, prepare to scrap your registry list and instead receive oodles of clothes.

9.  Since you don't know what you're having, you can't possibly have baby names selected which means you won't have to endure everyone's opinions on those names.   

10.  No matter what comes out, you will fall in love at first sight!  
  

Did you find out the sex of your baby?  I think if I had third baby (I'm not!), I would still go for the surprise.  Give me your reasons though - maybe I can be persuaded to switch sides! 

That Time I Put Myself On Bedrest and it Completely Backfired...

Way back when, approximately 19 months ago, I was 9 months pregnant with my second child and decided that a stint of bed rest was in order. 

No, this wasn't doctors orders.  There was nothing medically wrong with me.  This was my attempt to not have the baby early.  I went completely downhill physically at about 36 weeks but was determined to make it to my due date because that was when my mom would be arriving to be present for the birth.  And there was no way in this world I was going early without her here.  I figured bed rest was the solution to this problem, obviously, and would ensure baby would stay put. 

Luckily, I was working at home at the time so I worked from bed and, well, basically stayed there for as much as possible throughout the day.  I also had my super helpful sister visiting so she was able to prepare meals, help with my then 2 year old son, and help keep the household running.  We were all on board with Operation Baby Can't Come Early.

It was a pretty uncomfortable time, to say the least.  I was experiencing significant nerve pain throughout my back and legs which only made me more convinced this baby was coming early. 

This little experiment to keep my baby inside just a little bit longer lasted about 2 weeks.  Finally, my mom arrived.  We were ready to go now.  Then, my due date came and went.  NO BABY. 

So, this amazing little plan totally backfired.  As it turned out, by my due date I was barely even one centimeter dilated.  I then spent the next several days trying every old wives tale I could find for jumpstarting labor and contractions.  Nothing worked.  No, not even that, although husband didn't object to trying.  And yet, I was still very opposed to medical intervention to get things started when there was no specific reason to.  In the end we tried stripping the membranes and the cervical gels.  It was still a no-go.

Then, nine (yes, that's right. Nine!) excruciatingly long days later, where every minute felt like an eternity, I finally gave birth to a healthy baby girl.  She luckily only tipped the scales at 8 pounds 6 ounces.  God did me good though and my labor and birth lasted just under 4 hours.  Husband and Mom, consider this your formal apology for the 9 days of h-e-l-l.   

Turns out probably nothing I did, or didn't do, would have changed the outcome of this with an early, or even on-time, delivery.  Now that we know her better, Sister has shown us that she is a Momma's girl.  When she did finally come out, she latched and nursed actively for 40 minutes.  When anyone else held her for the first several months, she screamed.  It took her nearly 12 months on the outside to be happy NOT being with mommy.  She clearly wasn't leaving her comfy, warm home without a fight.

Luckily, while she is still a little Momma's girl in some ways, she also is embracing the world around her and relishing in how fun it can be.  And that is the fun part for this Mommy.

Lesson learned:  As only Elsa can sing it - Let it go.  Don't play God. Everything will work out the way it is supposed to. 

10 Fun Facts No One Tells You About Childbirth

So.  Here you have it.  Ten things your mother never told you about giving birth. You're welcome.

10.  It's not all that much fun, even though the outcome is well worth it.
Squeezing a human from your body is painful, exhausting and messy.  In my book, that doesn't equal fun. Sure, it was exciting to anticipate seeing her for the first time, but it wasn't as enjoyable as say, getting my teeth cleaned.

9.  It often doesn't happen just the way you planned it. (And, sometimes it does).
It's a tough one - planning. You know what they say about the best laid plans. Here's the thing:  sometimes it goes according to plan. Sometimes it doesn't. As much as I respect birth stories and planning for what we want to happen, we have no idea of knowing if it actually will. Moral of the story: stay open-minded with the goal of getting a healthy baby out of your body.

8.  You probably don't want your mother, your father, your husband's mother and father, your three sisters, his two brothers and your cousin at the hospital with you. Even if you think you do.
I have a friend who planned to have her parents and her in-laws in the birthing room. About mid-way through the contractions intensifying, she screamed blasphemy at everyone and sent them merrily on their way. You may not want everyone up in your business.

7. You might say mean things. To anyone.
At one point, about two and a half hours into pushing for my life, husband was holding a towel on my head, but was pushing my head back in the process. I wanted to be able to push my head forward, but his strength kept me from doing it. I lost my stuff and screamed at him. Something about how much I hated him. Sorry, dude.

6.  The physical effects on your body last far longer than the trip home from the hospital.
Huge breasts, a sore tummy and nether regions - it doesn't go away as soon as the baby pops out.

5. You look like crap for a long time afterward. A long time.
This one shocked me. It was months before I looked like myself again. I gained 8 pounds during my pregnancy (don't envy me - I threw up every ounce of anything that wasn't baby) and I looked more bloated and heavy afterward than I even did during the pregnancy. Throw in a surprise C-Section and I was a looker, for sure. Everyone begged for pictures of me with AK. Sorry, not gonna happen.

4. It doesn't look like it does in the movies.
So. In Hollywood, there's lots of screaming, the baby is born and then suddenly mom and dad are home with the baby and life is perfect, right? Nope. First of all, an epidural, heavenly as it is, eliminates most of that dreadful screaming. And, many mothers who go natural will admit that there is very little screaming and mostly grunting. Besides, what Hollywood starlet is going to naturally give birth?! Come on, now.

3.  Your boobs become giant water balloons.
Giant. Huge. Painful. Hard as rocks. Why is this never talked about? It was, undoubtedly, the biggest surprise of all.

2.  If you like sushi, you most likely will want sushi the minute your child is born. The rawer, the better.
Plan on it. I sent husband for sushi as soon as I was out of the recovery room. I might have screamed some obscenities at him, but then I realized he just wanted to soak up the little miracle his wife just produced. So, I cut him some slack. But, that sushi was melt-in-my-mouth divine.

1. Even after all of this, if you want to, you'll do it all over again. And, again.
We made our decision to only have one. But, if we wanted more, I would do it again tomorrow. OK, maybe not tomorrow, but definitely next week. Because the joy we get from watching our bodies do the most magical thing imaginable is astounding. And, the end result is pretty phenomenal, if we do say so.

When Your Birth Story Just Isn't Glamorous

Full disclosure:  I am beyond proud of Tracy for having her dreamed-of natural birth. Sometimes I cannot imagine just how she did that - with no medicine at all. She makes me marvel at her strength not only in getting her children out of her but also in how she is raising them. (It's probably good that I admire her since she is my blogging partner!)

With that, here's my story. And, I warn you that it lacks any sort of glamour or achievement - aside from the fact that I got a beautiful, healthy, perfect baby out of my body. For that, I am eternally grateful. I tell you this story because I know I am not alone in how this whole thing went down. I was Tracy's polar opposite in the planning for the birth. I made no plan, wrote no dissertation to hand the doctors and just wanted to birth a healthy baby. And, I did that. So, why the regret?

AK was due on October 29th. She didn't come that day. Two days later, we signed the stack of papers that accompany the painful process of buying a home. On November 7th, the movers were scheduled to come move us from one home down the hill to our new home. I don't think it's possible for me to explain to you why we did this other than I think it's safe to say that our minds were effectively eroded by the excitement for our little one to arrive. So, finally on November 1st, we started the eviction process.

I warned you that it's not glamorous and the birth story is actually not what this post is about it.  So, I'll finish Part A quickly. We started the induction gently, with no drugs, which I am thankful for. Husband and I enjoyed our last night to sleep - somewhat peacefully, or as peaceful as it can get in a hospital.  The next morning, the contractions started, I snapped my fingers and the man that I professed my love to for the next forty-five minutes arrived to insert the world's biggest needle into my back.

I rested for what seemed like days although in actuality it was only a few hours.  At around 3pm on November 2nd, I started pushing. And pushing. And pushing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Yes, there was the tippy top of a little bald head, but nothing else. Ever. Finally at 6pm, overcome with exhaustion and frustration, I was wheeled in for a C-Section and at 6:56pm, my sweet AK finally graced us with her presence. And, she was perfect.

So, what's the big deal? I didn't even have a plan.

I guess now thinking about it, I did. I wasn't able to birth my baby the way so many other women do and I regret that. There. I said it. Still, eighteen months later, I regret that I couldn't push my own child from my own body. I do realize that there is truly nothing more I could have done, other than continue with the futile attempts to push while breaking every blood vessel in my face. AK has a GIGANTIC head. I am a rather small person. You can do the math. I just wish I could have.

In the scheme of my amazing world as AK's Mom, this regret is a minuscule portion of the emotion wrapped up in parenting her. But, it's real and it deserves its voice. I also know I am not alone in this feeling and perhaps giving these feelings a voice will soften them slightly.

Regardless, I have learned a few things in this process:

1. It's OK.
2. Things don't always go according to your unwritten or undefined plan.
3. Just making and delivering a perfect little human is a feat that deserves nothing but the greatest fanfare.
4. It's OK.

I Had a Natural Birth and I Did it on Purpose

Disclaimer: This is gonna be a long one, but hang in there with me!

It seems to me that every mom and mom-to-be loves a good birth story, all the details included (ok, maybe not every single one), and so I thought it might be of value to share one of my birth stories. 

I say only one of the birth stories for a reason.  Both of my children's births were remarkable quite simply because at the end I had my healthy, perfect baby.  But one experience far exceeded the other and you might be surprised why - it was a completely natural childbirth.

There is so much fear for women surrounding the birth of our children and I believe it just does not have to be that way.  I also feel that every woman in this world is entitled to the birth experience they desire, whatever and however that might be.  Sometimes its just a matter of having the right knowledge and support in order to produce that experience.

My first child entered this world 27 hours after my first contraction arrived.  Needless to say and to summarize, I was exhausted by the end and resorted to the one thing I had hoped to avoid- an epidural.  He arrived slowly and surely though and we were in love from first sight.  This birth was in a hospital with the on-call OB/GYN - I saw the doctor for literally about 15 minutes - most of the labor was monitored by the nurses who could have done the whole job in my opinion.  She was there for the last few pushes, stitched me up, and on she went. I didn't even have a chance to get a picture with her and my baby.

When I found out I was pregnant with my second baby, I knew I wanted this experience to be different.  I also knew that my first birth was not the total birth experience I wanted - mainly because I did not have the knowledge and the tools to create the birth I longed for.

I did some research and found an amazing OB/GYN office - which also staffed three midwives - and happened to be right down the road from my house.  I promptly made an appointment with a midwife to confirm the pregnancy.  After my first visit, I was overwhelmed. I knew this was exactly what I wanted but I was also scared...

These amazing midwives also did something unique called Family Circle.  For the duration of of pregnancy, instead of monthly office visits, we met with couples due the same month as us and discussed topics, shared stories and gained incredible knowledge related to birth and babies.  (Don't worry- there was also time during the monthly meetings for private medical visits with a midwife.)  But really the main takeaway for me was leaving this experience with that knowledge and those tools that I was craving.  Namely, how to make it through the labor and delivery without drugs.

Now, I will preface this all by saying that probably one of the main reasons my drug-free experience went so well was because my little baby arrived in record time.  Granted, she arrived 9 days late, but that's another story for another day.  And, definitely not a sunshine and roses story. If you have been overdue, you know what I'm talking about!

The final detail was to assemble the birth team I knew I needed to get me through this.  I had the midwife selected.  Next in line was husband and being absolutely convinced that he knew his role.  Just to make sure he knew my expectations, I turned on my Type "A" personality, typed up a list of all the things I wanted/didn't want during the labor and delivery process and beat him senseless with it. Finally, there was my mom- who not only is a nurse but had three of her own natural deliveries (one a home birth - My mom is way ahead of her time it seems and also my inspiration for doing life naturally). 

I'll skip the gory details and give you a recap of what matters.

I had contractions - but none that lasted or were very severe - for several hours and then they stopped around 2 am.  I went to bed exhausted but also disappointed.  Let's remember, I was 9 days overdue at this point. I just wanted that baby OUT. 

Next thing I know I woke at about 4:30 am with extremely strong contractions averaging 2-5 minutes apart.  With my first birth, I don't think I felt one contraction before the epidural as strong as these were coming.  In hindsight, that should have been a sign to all of us this was moving faster than we anticipated.  Somehow I got myself into that "zone" everyone talks about.  Husband called the midwife, she said get to the hospital and we started to get dressed.

Well, that took what seemed like an hour.  Actually, I think it was an hour.  When you have to stop every minute for a two-minute contraction, it kinda slows the process down.  All I really remember is my husband trying to make me move faster and my mom telling him to shush because I was in so much pain and could barely move. 

So, off to the hospital we go (the car ride likely deserves its own post).  My mom, being the strong-willed, don't-take-no-for-an-answer woman she is, refused to take a "no" from the ER staff that I needed to stay for the filling out of the paperwork and literally pushed me in a wheelchair up to labor and delivery.  I was also able to skip the triage thanks to my amazing midwife Janice who somehow knew we didn't have much time to waste. 

We get into the room and its a blur from there.  I remember being so excited to get into the tub they were filling up for me.  Little did I know but that baby would be out before the tub was even full (Side note: it might be a good idea for the hospital to consider a quicker way to fill a tub than a hose from the bathroom sink.)  At this point, it was just about 7 am and I was 6 cm dilated.  They had to hook me up to monitors for 20 minutes to check the baby's vitals. 

Unfortunately, laying flat in bed was not an option at this point so I was on all fours working through the contractions.  I focused solely on my husband's and my mom's voices and nothing else.  They told me what to do and I did it.  Breathe, relax your shoulders, breathe, loosen your grip, breathe...

At some point, what felt like hours later, but was only about 30 minutes, I clearly remember thinking: wow, the pain in my stomach is gone.  That feels amazing.  Meanwhile, there was a stronger, more intense pain down lower.  But it was different and in a way, better, although my husband wouldn't agree with this from the other noises I was making. What I did not know was what that meant nor could I verbalize this (or anything else for that matter- I was communicating in grunts). 

Within a minute of this change, my midwife Janice wanted to check me and when she moved my gown, she was greeted with a surprise - the top of a baby's head!  So, that explains that new and different feeling.  It was a head emerging. One more contraction and that little baby girl (It's a girl!) was out.  RELIEF.  The relief from the pain was completely instant.  And, it was 7:44 am. 

It took me a while to catch my breath and open my eyes.  Meanwhile, the baby was latched, I was cleaned up, and we finally took in all that had happened in what felt like record time. 

I am so grateful for my quick, yet incredibly intense, labor and birth.  It was, without a doubt the most amazing, raw, and empowering experience of my life. I also know how incredibly lucky I am that I was able to have this experience, because as we all know, when it comes to birthing a baby there are a lot of things that can go wrong.

My mid-wife used the analogy of a freight train and I wouldn't disagree.  But, I DID IT.  It still brings tears to my eyes to think about that magical moment.  One I wish I could repeat (yes, I said repeat) if only to capture and remember every little detail of my girl coming into this world, even the painful parts. 


There she is!

Here's what I have learned:
1.  I can do ANYTHING. I am strong, I can endure, and I can overcome pain (and I am a wuss when it comes to pain).  Nothing before or since has made me feel so empowered.  When faced with any challenges since this moment, I literally think to myself: well, if I could get through that, then I can make it through this.

2.  Our bodies can do anything.  I know it sounds cliché but it is entirely possible.  I don't know who to blame but "they" have conditioned us as women to believe that we cannot endure this pain of childbirth.  Women have been birthing children for centuries without drugs. This is largely what connects us as women. Knowledge is power and with that women have the power to make their own decisions regarding the kind of child birth they desire, whatever it is. 

3.  Doing it natural is easier.  Yes, for real, and in my own personal experience, of course.  With my first birth, I had an epidural for about 9 hours.  That's a whole lot of extra fluid to deal with at the end, not to mention having anesthesia in your body which takes days to completely vacate. After this birth, I felt amazing, I wasn't tired or sluggish, and I had energy I hadn't experienced in months!  I am sure there is a chemical/hormonal thing going on here to make me feel this way, but in the end: my recovery was by far quicker and easier than my first birth.   


A Few of Our Favorite Things!

When getting ready to welcome a little one to the family, the amount of "stuff" available/wanted/needed is truly overwhelming.  Holy buckets.  Where do you start?  I lucked out and started with Tracy.  She had to figure it all out on her own. Poor girl.

My mentality was one of simplicity.  (If you saw our playroom now, you would burst into a fit of laughter.) But, in the beginning, we really tried to get just what we needed and not much more.  I also see posts regularly on social media platforms asking for advice on what to get for a newborn, a nice shower gift, etc.

So, here you have it: A list of our very favorite things. In no particular order...

(We are not compensated to endorse any of these items.  In addition, we chose to link mainly to Amazon and Diapers.com due only to its simplicity and ease of navigation.)

*Click on the green headings to link straight to the product*

Nose Frida
I read a review once that said "This is the grossest thing I have ever loved."  And you may question my sanity for putting something so weird first on our list.  Tracy was adamantly against even considering using this little device (also called the Snot Sucker - so you get the drift), but has since become a believer herself.  Those little bulb things the hospital gives out don't hold a candle to this thing.

Zip Jammies
In the middle of the night, you will be so thankful that you don't have to fumble with little snaps. Enough said.

Sound Machine
I highly recommend a sound machine.  Even more so if you have another child that could potentially interfere with the little one sleeping, or, in my case, a husband that resembles a bull in a china shop. 16 months later, we still use ours every night.

Cradle
This is not your typical cradle.  Both of us have used this little miracle sleeper for all three of our children. It's super easy to maneuver (I used to drag it from room to room so she could be with me while she was sleeping). The incline keeps baby sitting up slightly, which is good for any reflux conditions.  I kept AK at the side of my bed for three months.  Tracy kept EM with her for even longer!

Kick N Play Piano Gym
My favorite thing for baby once she hit about two months old.  I watched her develop her fine and gross motor skills right in front of my eyes.  She loved this thing.  Once she got a bit bigger, the piano adjusts so she can pound on it while sitting.

Sophie the Giraffe
So cliche.  But, by far, their favorite hand toy ever.

Miracle Blanket Swaddle
Both EM and AK had difficulties in the sleep department - but what baby doesn't! These blankets are amazingly easy to use, completely effective, and definitely helped our girls to stay asleep as infants - try as they might, those little arms could not get free. 

Munchkin Snack Catchers
These cups have saved me many a meltdown, particularly when we are not at home.  I have even resorted to putting entire meals cut-up into bite size pieces in  these cups in order to get certain children to eat.


Baby MumMum
This is a mess-free snack that baby will devour.  These little rice-cake-type crackers will give you at least 7 minutes of baby occupied time which is priceless as far as I am concerned.

Baby MumMum - the chosen appetizer before the real meal!

OxyClean Laundry Stain Remover Spray
This product is literally the ONLY one, and I have tried what seems like all of them, that will remove all the different types of stains your baby/child will make on their clothes.  You name it, this spray has removed it, and I have saved so many clothes from the garbage as a result.  Seriously.

Julbo Looping Sunglasses
These could be considered slightly pricey as far as kids sunglasses go.  However, the money they will save you in not having to buy a new pair for your kid every week will make it worth the splurge.  When this company says that they have flexible frames and cannot be damaged by bending, they are not kidding.  We have had our pair for 2 years and counting and are still damage free- and that includes the lenses.