Moms Unite! Mothering Through Social Media.

Not too long ago, it would have been virtually unheard of to meet someone in person that you really don't know. At all. Before the age of this Internet thing - which I am pretty sure is sticking around, by the way.

I remember back when "you've got mail" was the newest, hottest thing and that ding with the mailbox flag suddenly meant that someone who used to call or even write a letter (what's that, by the way?) now was able to electronically send a message - the start of today's Immediate Gratification society.

And, if you've followed us at all, you know that I have really practiced more of a Hand's Free mentality toward parenting.  I am far from perfect at this attempt, but while Baba is awake, my phone is (meant to be) not at the forefront of our daily activities. That doesn't mean that I am not drawn to every ding, tweet and ring. But, my priority is Baba.

With that, there is no denying that we live in a different time than when connection meant sitting in the closet with the phone cord wrapped around your finger talking to your best friend, who, coincidentally, lived three doors down. And, balancing where I really wish things still were (for innocence and simplicity's sake) with where they undoubtedly are.  So, it's a fact: I love social media.

I love that it keeps me connected. I love that I can still be social coordinator of our family, because, well, I know who is where, doing what and with whom. Husband would remain clueless if it wasn't for me. And, I love that I get to watch children grow up before my eyes. Here's the kicker - many, if not the majority, of these children are not littles that I even know. But, I do.

I know them because I have connected with their Mommas on social media platforms designed to bring together women who are all going through the same stages at the same time. Right now, it's all about potty training (ugh. It sucks. But, that's a different story for a different day). Aside from the world's worst task, we all watch each other's kiddos smile, laugh, grown, learn and play. It's bliss, really.

The support is like no other. Who else knows about the daily torments adventures more than someone living it every day - just like me?

So, earlier this month, Baba and I were planning a trip to visit my Grandma. In this social media life, I remembered that one of my favorite Mommas lives not far from Grams. And, so I reached out. Never having met this woman, but feeling like she was an old friend, it felt like the only natural thing to do. And, natural it was.  We met up at the local children's museum. And, we watched our littles play. And, play.

It was the sweetest thing.

I believe in socialization for Baba. Duh. I am the biggest preschool advocate there is. But, I also believe in play dates and random encounters with other kids so that Baba learns to get along with different types of kiddos.

Baba and "Baby" (her pet name for her new little friend) couldn't get enough of each other. They're at the perfect age to enjoy the company of others just like them. And, their Mommas couldn't get enough of watching them play.

At the end of the day, we all made new friends. And, there's no price on that. Two weeks later, Baba is still asking for "Baby."

I am pretty sure this is a friendship that has made its way past the screen and into our lives.

See you next time, "Baby."

Screen Time: The Debate

My child is watching too much TV. Not according to the American Academy of Pediatrics. Not according to HuffPost Parents. Not according to Pinterest. But, according to me.

Tracy tells me I am taking this one way too seriously. And, maybe she is right. Maybe Momma needs five minutes a day to make dinner uninterrupted. Maybe a long car ride is much better with a movie. Maybe.

But, then it just feels wrong.

She's not quite two. And, I hate that she even knows what the TV is. I hate that she zones out so much in five minutes, I can barely kiss her on the head and have her acknowledge me. I hate that every car ride over 30 minutes needs a movie.

How did I/we do this? How did it happen? It seems like just a few short months ago she wanted nothing to do with any screens. And, now she cries if I won't let her watch. Ugh.

Looking back, it was just a little at a time. And, now every day, I regret to admit that she watches Mickey Mouse while I make her dinner.  When she was sick this week, she watched A LOT of Mickey Mouse. In fact, "Nicky House" is the only thing she ever watches. It's OK when she's sick, right?! Maybe not - for me, her and us as a family.

So, what do I do now? Do I cut her off cold turkey? Again, she's only two. I don't imagine it will be too hard to reverse her already forming habit. And, where do I draw the line of exceptions? Is it OK when we're driving for hours? Or on the airplane?

Ultimately, I guess only I (and husband, of course) can determine what is OK.

Thankfully, if only to make myself feel better, she knows nothing about the iPad, or the phone. She doesn't have apps or games or anything of the like. She has no idea how to swipe the device to make it work. So, for now, I'll hang on to that little bit of thankfulness and bask in the fact that I at least feel OK about that.

But, I need to make a change. On a much broader scale.

I work full time. Why on earth should she spend any time watching TV when she is with me for such a short amount of time each day? On the flip side, it's time to start thinking about things for her to do while I need those few minutes to prepare a meal each day.

Call me a drama queen. Call me ridiculous. But, making this change feels as good as saying "I'm going to stand up and do what I feel to be the best thing for my family." Choice made.

And, we carry on in our un-TV home.

It's Mickey - laced with crack for the ultimate kiddie addiction.

A Note to My Daughter

To My Daughter:

Today I made a decision that fully illustrates my priorities in life. Today, I turned down my fifth (and final, for now) job opportunity in order to provide a balanced life for us. (You might have asked why so many - all I can say is that I'm tough to listen, even to my own heart). Today, I realized fully the importance of being the Mom that you need and deserve - without the guilt, stress and imbalance that often accompanies a more high-powered career.

I had that high-powered career. And, I loved it. Until I became a Mom. When it became the most unnatural fit for my spiritual and emotional self that I ever could have imagined. When I became tormented by my desire to not focus wholeheartedly on climbing the proverbial corporate ladder.

Today, I am a full-time working Mom. And, yet, I am grateful to have found a job that is challenging, enjoyable and rewarding while affording me something far more priceless - time and flexibility.

I have time to ride you in the bike to school each morning, hearing you say "Yeah Yeah" with enthusiasm as we pull into the parking lot of your new school - the one that is two blocks from our home.  I have time to pick you up each afternoon, giving us several blissful hours before bedtime to enjoy summer in Colorado: a long bike ride, riding your fire truck in the driveway, blowing bubbles and smelling all the flowers we can find.

I have time to make dinner for you and sit with you while you enjoy it, talking about your day. No, you can't hold elaborate conversations with me yet, but that time will come any day now and I can't wait to enjoy it.

I have time to smell your hair before I put you to bed after reading "Spot" for the fourteenth time today. And, I have time to rock with you when you request it or just to cherish my time with you sitting in the crook of my arm sucking your thumb (you'll have to stop that one day, but not today.)

I will never be the perfect Mom but I sure will try. I will likely, at some point, embarrass you and make you say, "Moooommmmm - not in front of my friends." And, I apologize. But, I know now that anything I will do for you (or to you) is simply because the love I have for you makes my heart burst; and sometimes that love causes me to do really stupid things that you're OK with now but you won't be at some point.

My Dear Daughter, thank you for entering my world. For all the reasons would take more blogs than any one parent could create, but thank you. You have taught me that the things I once held as sacred are so far from it, they barely orbit the same universe. You have taught me to laugh harder than anyone else ever has. You have taught me to enjoy life more than I ever thought possible. And, you have taught me to hang on to those simple moments tight and with gusto.

Just know that you, my daughter, have taught me to be the best version of myself and for that, and for you, I am eternally grateful.

Fish Faces, Doodled Sidewalks, Ice Cream Kisses and a Really Messy House

It's summer.  Hell yeah.

Grilling season, pretty flowers, playgrounds, ice cream, watermelon...you get the drift. I daydream about summer all winter long.  I also live in Colorado, where winter is the norm.  When summer actually takes it sweet old time and gets here already, it's like every human being comes out of hibernation, giddy like a school girl skipping down the street.

When summer hits, I almost want to do nothing else.  I want to play.  And, now with AK entering our world - and being old enough to play - she's my perfect excuse.

Last weekend, husband went out of town. For one moment, I need to float his boat, toot his horn, blow wind in his sails (knock it off - that wasn't meant to be dirty!) He went down to my Mom's house to tackle the world's biggest honey-do list. I know.  Isn't he the sweetest?  I swoon.

Anyway, I had one task this past weekend: clean the house. It was a self-given task and it was such a lofty goal. I would have been so proud of myself had I completed it. I didn't. I didn't even come close. In fact, AK and I only messed it up more. But, holy crap, we had fun.

We made faces at the (huge!) fish in the pond at the nursery. We picked out and potted pretty new flowers for the boxes on our deck. We let ice cream melt down our hands. AK had her first corn on the cob. We went out to lunch - twice. We bought the biggest box of sidewalk chalk ever and doodled all up and down the driveway. We took several bike rides - I would say with the wind blowing through our hair. But, really, AK doesn't have any hair, so that's a moot point. And, we laughed until our cheeks hurt.

 

I hardly looked at my phone. I take that back - I took a boatload of pictures.

A while back, you may recall, I made an effort to be truly present with my daughter. I vowed to put down the devices and spend time watching her become a little person. This past weekend epitomized that goal. And, I achieved it, wildly.

When she's giggling, running, chasing and playing with reckless abandon I could care less about the dishes in the sink, the blueberries mashed into the floor or the puzzles strewn throughout the playroom. Aside from the fact that the bath towels need changing, the dog beds need cleaning and don't even get me started on the need to vacuum.

I learned a very valuable lesson this weekend: the reward of being truly present and disregarding the massive to-do list that every one of us grapples with, is indescribable. I wouldn't have traded the experiences that we created together for the world. I am so thankful that I actually listened to the little chats I had with myself - "Sarah, who cares about the house. Let it go." I let it go. But, I got it back in spades.

Three days later, I am rejoicing in the fact that my house is currently being cleaned. By someone other than me.

She Talks to Siri...

Parenting Simply.  It's almost an unspoken oxymoron in today's society.  And the complexities are everywhere - picking just the right baby gear; preparing the proper nutritional foods; learning how to discipline; learning how to sleep.  I have found that one of the biggest complexities lies in the fact that access to technology provides informational overload.  For me, anyway.

AK has virtually zero screen-time, with a few exceptions.  While she was sick for almost the entire month of February, cartoons on the Disney channel provided a welcome reprieve.  And, a Baby Einstein video is watched about once every two weeks.  She does not yet have any "apps" on the iPad or iPhone and she is not given either to "play" with.

So, imagine my surprise, when about two months ago, she picks up my iPhone which was laying on the floor of her playroom (more on that later), holds it so close to her eyes that it's virtually touching her forehead and stares at it intently.  (Just like she sees Mommy do).  Then she pushes the little button and starts "talking" to Siri.  (Yup.  Just like she sees Mommy do).  Siri wasn't as nice in her response - I got on her about that later. Something about not understanding a word of what you're saying.  Geesh.

My heart drops.  Really?  I don't consider myself a phone junkie, but she is obviously proving me wrong. When I then think back, I realize that Mommy looking at a text here, an email there, Facebook, Instagram and any other social media platform when you're 16 months old all adds up pretty quickly.  And, I do not remotely want my daughter to feel that my technologies are more important than she is.

I made a commitment right then and there - technology would only be used to take a photo of her.  When I was in her presence, I would be present. Truly present.  Not waiting for whomever to chirp, ring, ding or holler at me.  These days of her innocence are beautiful, funny and fleeting.  I don't want to miss a minute.

I'm not going to say it has been life-changing.  But, it has been eye opening.  Focusing all of my energies on enjoying her laughter, her silliness and her growth right-before-my-eyes has been enlightening and enjoyable. I watch her "make soup" in her play kitchen and pretend to eat it with glee.  I watch her put her Little People in her bus and make it go "vroom vroom."  I watch her burst into hysterics when she decides to go down her playroom slide headfirst, in only a diaper, and get stuck halfway down as her belly sticks to the slide.  And, I love it.

It's a serious conversation with Siri today

Shortly after I made this commitment to her, I tried it out with husband.  We drive to work together, with AK, and drop her off at daycare together.  It's a 40 minute commute each morning - usually spent perusing the most recent posts on Facebook, adorable pictures of my friend's kids on Instagram or actually looking intelligently at the news.  But, this day, I decided to keep my phone and iPad tucked away in my purse.  And, a few things happened.

First, I noticed what an incredible day it was.  We live in the Aspen Valley of Colorado.  It's stunning. Every day.  Shame on me for forgetting to rejoice in this beauty every single day.  I got my phone out.  To take a picture of a landscape I can hardly describe with justice.  And, then I quickly put it back in my purse.  I could Instagram it later.

Second, husband started talking to me.  Not that we don't have riveting conversations every day, but this one was different.  It was a simple, casual conversation that was sparked simply because I was available.  I am so thankful I didn't miss it.

And, third, we decided to have a dance party.  In the car at 7:45 in the morning.  All three of us.  It was hysterical.   AK was bobbing her head in the backseat, where she likely usually feels ignored, (I don't blame myself for that one.  It's proper safety, but every now and again, I feel bad for the kid back there facing backward all alone), husband was turning up the music and laughing as his crazy wife was getting funky to the music in the front seat.  To think, I might have missed this.

I haven't been "perfect" since then, whatever that is.  But, I have made a true conscious effort to put down the devices and be present with my loves.  I'll take silly dance parties over chirps and dings any day of the week.