Daycare: Over a Year Later

We call it preschool now. It was a little odd calling it "school" or "preschool" when she couldn't even hold her head up. But now, it is absolutely the school before the school.

If you remember back, I struggled big time with the choice to put AK in daycare. It was heart-wrenching for many months. But, then, eight months after she started daycare, I quit my job. You might think "Oh, yay! Now you can stay at home with her." Nope.

See, staying at home isn't necessarily what I want to do. I like to work. But, I didn't like working in my previous capacity - 80 hours a week with a second helping of stress and guilt. That just wasn't worth it. But, I have found my niche and I am loving being a full-time working mom. Primarily because this organized daycare setting has been the best thing ever for AK.

When I quit my job and I started something new, I moved AK to a preschool closer to home - so close in fact, that it is located in our neighborhood and takes me less than four minutes to walk her to school. Most days, however, I ride my bike to work, dropping her off in the process. This starts both our days off with ease and enjoyment.

Her new school is out of this world. Hear me out: I actually loved her old school. But, this one seems to cater to her even more so. It is full of activities and learning. This week, for example, boasts a Magic Show, Splash Day, Cookie Making and Zumba. Hello?! Where do I sign up? I believe greatly in learning through experiences so as much as I appreciate the structure that accompanies each day, I find great joy in the dancing, water playing and duck feeding that occurs each week. The time for her to learn how to become a little person.

Because I am such an advocate of preschools, especially at this age (almost two), I want to help others make the right decision when it comes to child care. It is one of the hardest yet most rewarding decisions I have made as a parent. And, I believe it can be like that for anyone who has to, or wants to, make this choice for their children.

Preschool:  It's a Day at the Beach!

What has made my experience so fulfilling, you might ask?

1.  I stay present in her preschool experience. I ask questions, I talk to the Director, I spend time talking to the teachers when I pick her up.  I want them to know me and I want to know them. This is not an anonymous experience and the more I stay involved, the more satisfied I am. This week, husband is building shelves in their kitchen.

2.  I stay thankful. What these people do is spend more time during the waking hours with my child than I do. A little thanks goes a long way. Which reminds me, I need to write some cards, or bake some cookies soon.

3.  I meet other parents. Whether it's a walk after school with the kids or some duck feeding at the lake, I think it's important to keep AK engaged in those new little friendships she's making. In addition, I might walk away with a new friend or two and there's no harm in that.

4.  If I'm uncomfortable with something, I speak up. Hasn't happened at the new school yet, but one day at her old school, they had canned vienna sausages for snack. Although she has had a (nitrate free, all natural) hot dog, I prefer that she don't ingest the level of preservatives in canned vienna sausages. So, I nicely said so. She's my kid. I have a right to express my needs - both for me and for her.

My blogging partner, Tracy, has been blessed (cursed? Depends on the day, if you ask her) with being a Stay-At-Home Mom this year. It was an accident, yes, but she is truly relishing in this time she has with her kids. I love that she has had this time. And, in my own way, I have found a way to have the best of both worlds.

Finding Delight in Daycare

When I was pregnant with AK, I told the HR Director at my job, when discussing my maternity leave that I would most likely "come back after eight weeks" even though given twelve.  Although she knew me well, she knew my work ethic and she knew my passion for my job, she looked at me like I had suddenly sprouted another ear. And she very gently said, "Sarah, you will want to take every minute that you are given with your baby. I promise.  Let's count on you coming back after your thirteenth week."  I sighed and went to give birth to my baby.

Fast forward to about a week after AK was born. I looked at this perfectly pink little being and thought that there was no way I could EVER leave her.  Ever.  Then began my downward spiral into the Daycare Dilemma.  And spiraled downward I did.  Looking back, perhaps it was a little Postpartum Depression, but relinquishing the fact that my sweet little baby was going to be in daycare full time was something I just could not have conceived of (pun intended).  My brain just couldn't grasp it.

We had a daycare picked out for AK and she was on the "list."  It was Qualastar rated, and rated very well. The teachers were very nice when we visited.  It was a big, clean building with lots of colorful artwork hanging on the walls. It was as perfect as it could be.  But, it wasn't me.  It was someone else caring for my child - more than even me.

I know you're wondering when the spirit of this post picks up, so here it comes:

Putting AK in daycare, full-time even, was one of the absolute BEST decisions husband and I could have made as her parents.  I have now become an advocate for traditional day care and am even vying for a seat on her school's Board of Directors. Note:  I am the biggest admirer of those that stay at home with their children.  I think it is a job larger than most other jobs in the blue collar world.  However, it was something that my husband and I were unable to make work for us as a family and daycare was our only option.

That first day, with three bottles of milk in hand, husband dragged me into the Infant Room where I sobbed as I handed over my tiny baby.  It didn't matter than the woman I handed my baby to has been caring for infants for over 20 years and has the face (and demeanor) of an angel.  It didn't matter that AK now points and runs into the room to see this first teacher and another teacher who lovingly calls her "Princessa Babaloo."  It didn't matter that the third teacher was also starting her first day and developed an immediate connection with AK that continues into our personal world even today.  It didn't matter.

But, it sure does now.

AK stayed in the infant room until she was about fourteen months old.  I could not have imagined anywhere better to bring my child.  The care she received in this room was second to none and it was a hoot to watch her develop socially - she started making tiny little friends.  In addition, a bottle refuser she was and those patient souls would spoon feed her milk - every day.

She is now in the waddler room. They are becoming little people now. Today, the day started with a little fairy dress-up.

Another day of Fairy Play

Her developmental growth is out of this world - she picks up a new word, a new sign (they practice basic sign language at her school) or the knowledge of a new animal/color/body part every day it seems.  Her socialization is second to none.  She interacts beautifully with other children and respects the boundaries of those she does not know.  Her teachers adore her (Naturally, I say).

The honest truth: Getting to this very place that I rest now did not happen overnight. The first month was the biggest struggle of my adult life. But, thankfully, each month that passed got progressively easier and even more enjoyable. It wasn't long before I was looking forward to whatever adventure awaited AK at school that day.

I've learned a lot through this journey, about my AK, about myself and about how to be an even better parent.  Don't be afraid of daycare, it just may be one of the smartest decisions you make.

Here are some little things that have made my journey smoother:

1.  Be prepared.  Although these teachers likely knew their way around an infant, I created a one-page "download" on all things AK.  What she eats, how she eats, how she sleeps and any other nuances I wanted them to know about.  Although they likely chuckled at me once I left and rarely referenced my dissertation, it was a nice peace of mind for me.

2.  Go.  That's right - go visit.  For the first 10 months, I nursed AK every day during my lunch.  I understand this may not be possible for everyone, but I am grateful it worked for us.  During this time, I got to know these teachers and delight in who they were as individuals.  They became not just caregivers, but friends.  Even if you don't have this luxury, make some time to spend a few extra minutes with the teachers either at drop-off or pick-up.   I avoided treating daycare like my drycleaner (ie. "Here you go.  Thanks, bye.")

3. Expect illness. It's going to happen - period. Young children have no concept of hygiene, so germs and illnesses run rampant. If you're like us and lucky enough to have won the sick-kid-lotto, AK was sick more than she wasn't. Thankfully, another journey ensued and we have been able to proactively ward off many of these illnesses homeopathically. (I wrote about this particular adventure here ).

4.  Talk.  I talked.  And talked.  And talked.  To the teachers, to the Director and even to the other parents. I didn't over-share, but I made sure to express what I needed for AK, what I was thrilled about and any concerns I might have had.  This has helped me to avoid holding on to any negativity stemming from my own insecurities.

Delighting in Daycare!

The Day I Got Reprimanded by AK's School for Not Packing a "Perfect" Lunch

I made a pact – with myself and with my newborn child – that I would do my absolute best to nourish her body with healthy foods.  As a full-time working mom who made all of her baby food, it’s been a commitment.  But, then again, I nursed her for 13 months, so I get commitment and I remain committed.

With AK in school every day, I pack her lunch the night before (thanks to T for slapping me upside the head for attempting to pack it in the morning – and for what reason?!)  Her lunch includes all of the necessities – grains, fruits, veggies, dairy and protein.  Recently, however, she’s been resisting her veggies.  I know, I know, shocking, huh? I know it’s a phase, so I do what any veggie-loving momma would do – I put them in everything else.

The Barilla brand of pasta makes pasta with veggies packed right into it – a full serving of veggies in every serving of pasta.  Yes, please.  I put grated carrots in her turkey meatloaf and grated everything into her pasta sauce (broccoli, carrots, kale, etc…)  I also pack her an organic baby food pouch with fruits and veggies in it on top of her full lunch every day.  That way, if she ditches the blueberries, I have tricked her by ensuring she gets those key nutrients in other ways. 

So you get it – I pack healthy, I am healthy, blah blah blah.  Then imagine my surprise when I go to unpack AK’s lunch one day to find this pretty little note from her teachers.  “Dear Parent – please remember to pack food from all food groups for your child’s lunch.”  Included on this pretty little note is a drawing of the five food groups, just in case I had forgotten.  Forgotten?  I am like the antithesis of forgetting. 

Confession alert:  I freaked out.  A little.  OK, a lot.  I picked up the phone, called T, who is my source of support on everything baby  (Duh.  We’re writing this blog together) and I went off.  “Don’t they know…”  “Who do they think they are?”  “Did they not know what that was????”  After I released on her (what are best friends for) and gave her more than an earful, I took my best fine-tipped Sharpie and went to town on that pretty little note.

I wrote down everything I had packed, what food group it had come from and probably inserted just a little bit of attitude.  I then put that pretty little note back in her lunchbox to ensure that they read it the following day.

Fast forward to the following day:  AK is home sick from school.  In a series of messages to the teachers, I tell them they won’t see her, they exchange pleasantries regarding her recovery and then I get up the nerve:

ME:  Quick question:  the note that was in AK’s lunch box yesterday – did I forget something in her lunch?  I was surprised, as I am quite cognizant of what goes into her lunch and consequently her body each and every day.  (Yes, this message took restraint.  I was still quite heated)

THEM:  You are one of the few parents that do an outstanding job on their child’s lunches.  We just had to put this reminder in everyone’s lunchbox because we don’t want to single any parents out.  We are doing this because, sadly, some parents are not getting the proper nutrients into their children during the day.  And, we assure you that this is in the best interest of the children.  Therefore, please don’t feel offended.  You make awesome lunches for AK.  Sincerely, AK’s teachers

ME:  (Tail between legs)

Lessons learned:

1.  Not every thing from your child’s school is directed at you personally.

2.  Trust yourself and your intentions.

3.  For heaven’s sake woman, breathe.