It Must Be Nice To Be My Husband

I have now been doing this whole SAHM/WAHM thing for 10 months.  That is nearly an entire year.  Sometimes it feels like I have been at this new routine for YEARS and then other times it feels totally brand new. 

I have learned so much during this time - about myself, my kids, my goals in parenting and in life.  And while this has all been fine and dandy, there is one thing that I now know FOR CERTAIN.

It's the most wonderful time of the day! (For Mommy too...)

It must be nice to be my husband. 

Yes, he works at an often stressful job with unpredictable and sometimes long hours.  His job frequently invades our nights and weekends.  The stress of it can feel like another appendage at times. I get it. 

But, now that I am home and not scurrying off to a full-time job with a long commute every day, his responsibilities at home have been FAR reduced.  I don't want to specify how reduced because he will read this and I know that he will disagree with me; however, let's just say the last time the man located a cleaning product he was aged in a different decade.

Now, I don't want to sound like Husband does nothing.  He definitely pulls his weight around our house and is most nights in charge of bath and bedtime, giving me a much-needed reprieve...so I can write humorous blog posts about our life.  Ahem.

BUT, and this is a significant BUT.  From my viewpoint, he gets off pretty easy in the whole scheme of things.  He gets to shower and leave the house 5 days a week ALONE.  He doesn't have to wrangle two kids to get dressed and brush their teeth, now please, so we can get out the door on time for school. 

I seriously find myself pondering what life would be like if I could shower in the morning and subsequently leave the house by myself with an entire commute to do, well, absolutely nothing but drive, listen to music and chew gum.

When Husband returns home, the house has been cleaned, dishes and clothes washed and put away, dog walked, dinner (usually) prepared and ready to eat.  Groceries have been purchased, children picked up and dropped off from school, and all the other items that used to fill our weekends are now complete. 

But, this is my job now.  A job I didn't necessarily sign-up for, but, shockingly, one I really wouldn't trade for the world (right now at least). 

And while Husband certainly misses out on all the grunt work and gets to walk in the door to a chorus of screams from two children who act like they haven't seem him in months, I know that I am the real winner. 

(See Husband, and you thought I was going to spend an entire post whining.)

While I may not always look pretty or even get a shower every day, I get to spend every day with the two of the three most special people ever.  And for that I will suck it up and clean the high chair tray, again.

When Daddy Becomes the King

"Daddy!  Daddy!  Daddy! Daddy watch me.  Daddy hold me.  Daddy play with me."

Am I chopped liver?  Already?  I thought I hung the moon, but I suppose it's time to pass that torch to ...Daddy.

See, for the first 19 or so months of her life, I reigned supreme. In my defense, I nursed her for 13 of them so I kinda had to be her #1.  But, for the following six months, she still thought I was the peanut butter to her jelly and the meatball to her spaghetti. Never in a million years would she pass up time with Mommy for anyone, including Daddy.

Sigh. The time has come that I must share her love with someone, anyone else. I guess I'm pretty lucky that this person is Daddy. Confession: But, I miss being her one and only.

Holy crap Daddy is fun. And, loud. And, funny. He's like a human playground.

We both work outside of the home. But, Daddy works farther away, which means his commute takes him away from the house longer than mine. I ride my bike to work, thankyouverymuch. So, Baba and I have a lot more time together each day before Daddy gets home.

Daddy's not quiet at all.  So, his entrance into our home at the end of the day is certainly no surprise. Even if she's sleeping, she can be roused by one simple close of a door and exclaim "DADDY!" even in mid-sleep. Thankfully, most of the time, she's awake and she can commence her fun with the guy who gets the fun done.

What I am happy about is that Daddy has found his place in Baba's heart - and he knows it. While she was exclusively nursing, there was little he could do. Yes, he could bathe her and read her stories but how exciting is that really to a being that barely acknowledges you to be any different than say, Jack, our next door neighbor? (That's his name.  Really). For a long time he just seemed to feel like another fleeting person in Baba's life - one who barely left his mark on her.

Until now. Man, does she love him.

We went away a few weekend ago - just Daddy and I. It was amazing and just what we needed to reconnect and rejuvenate ourselves and our marriage. It was a perfect two days.

We both couldn't wait to get home to see her.

The best part was that her excitement was double what we expected - equally shared between Mommy and Daddy. How cool. Mommy got to cuddle and read stories while Daddy got to watch her tumble down the slide and navigate the water through the water table.

This is an amazing age - almost two. I am thrilled that she has finally found a (big ole) place for Daddy in her heart - one that I am sure will keep growing and blossoming. And, to watch this grown man now realize how unbelievably cool he is in her eyes - it's love.

Let your heart melt, it's OK.

Nurturing Marriage After Kids

I belong to an online forum of Moms with kids all around the same age. I love this group even though the vast majority of us wouldn't know each other from Adam if we tripped across each other. We've never met in person, but we share some of our deepest, darkest thoughts, concerns, as well as unfiltered joys. We support each other as we all are going through many of the same things with our little ones.

A post from one of my Mom friends caught my eye today. She was honestly mentioning that she would get annoyed when her husband would gently come on to her during the day when she was focused on being a Mom. I so appreciated her honesty. Her post was met with a slew of opinions from "OMG - that drives me crazy, too" to "You'll be even more distraught when he stops showing he's interested in you" to "Be happy that he finds you attractive." This got me thinking.

Before we had AK, husband was my world. My focus revolved around him - in the most healthy way possible. We did everything together and for the most part, it was just the two of us. We were (and are, don't worry) blissfully happy. The energy that I had, which now seems like it was enough to send me to the moon sans rocketship, was spent on nurturing our marriage. It wasn't this sappy intentional love fest, but it was the way our world naturally worked.

Virtually every night was date night.



Before I was Mommy, I was all his

If I found someone "cute," it was him. Now, my cuteness radar seems to be focused on AK. And, when I found him cute, I told him. I shamefully tell you that these days, sometimes that appears to take too much energy. Or, the thought leaves as quickly as it entered while tending to something baby related.

When I saw something in a store that made me think of him, I got it for him. Our lives were filled with little surprises for each other. Today, my eye was caught only by the world's largest selection of Melissa and Doug puzzles. I don't think he will enjoy putting the blue triangle into its slot as much as AK will.

Husband is my partner in this parenthood thing. I adored him before I adored our little girl. She is half him, for heaven's sake. Just thinking about this fact makes me wildly appreciative and thankful for having such a wonderful partner. I would have it no other way.



Discussing their favorite flavor of Puff?

My husband - and many others that I know of - are not complex beings. He seems to beam for hours if I mention how handsome he is, how proud I am of him or how thankful I am for what he does for our family. It doesn't take much. And, one of the keys that I have to remember is that he feels love differently than I do.

I like little things. Cards, a single flower or a healthy snack. (Who am I kidding? A chocolate chip cookie, please) That doesn't necessarily do it for him, although I know he appreciates it. He likes being noticed by me. Damn. He's simple. In my world of constant activity, attention is one thing I can handle, and handle well.

So. Today, as much as I will focus on AK, I will remember that husband was husband before he was Daddy. He needs love, affection and attention too. And, he deserves it.

The New Witching Hour

What is it about four p.m.?  Three-fifty p.m. is easy-peasy.  Four o’clock hits and all hell breaks loose.  I have recently been laid off and so my kids are home with me all day. I know, cue the violins. But hear me out, please.  We have lots of fun in the mornings going on various adventures.  Lunch and nap follow and everyone seems to know what is expected of them.  Nap time is over and play time commences.  All seems to be going well and then, bam!  It’s four o’clock.  Daddy can’t get home soon enough as far as I am concerned.  No amount of projects, crafts, games, toys, TV shows, or even the sacred IPad, is enough to induce good behavior.  The three year-old and 1 year-old are fighting over toys, tearing apart the house, jumping on the couch, annoying the dog, wanting Mommy to be the entertainer extraordinaire.  (Did the previous seven hours mean nothing?)  Meanwhile, Mommy is attempting to cook a homemade, nutritious dinner which needs to be ready by five-thirty or these precious kids will really lose it.  On the really bad days, a glass of “mommy juice,” as one of my dear friends calls it, tends to be the best coping mechanism.  Wink, wink.

Maybe it’s the anticipation of the hour.  They know it’s almost dinner time, they know Daddy will be home soon-ish. They also are probably sick of Mommy and would like someone different to take over. Me too, kids.  At this point, the letters d-a-d-d-y take on a whole new meaning for all of us.  (Incidentally, the letters I would like to conjure an appearance are g-r-a-m-m-y.) But, I am not quite sure Daddy understands the importance of his homecoming.  I do know that he better be ready to hit the ground running. 

Daddy arrives, said nutritious dinner is consumed, and all is right in the world again.  Until tomorrow.

 

Photo taken sometime after four o'clock.