My Last Week as a SAHM

Big changes are coming for my family.  Again.  But, I have known this day was coming for almost, exactly, 12 months now. 

In some ways the past 12 months have passed in a blink.  And in other ways, it has seemed more like double or triple that amount of time.  It has been a great year and a hard year, all at once.  But now that the day is nearly here that I will return to full-time work, I wish that I could have just a little more time.  More time to play, run, and swing.  More time to do all the crafts and projects I still have not managed to have time to do.  More time for fun field trips and lunch dates with my two favorite little kids.

And, although I spent a lot of this year wishing away time for this day to come, now that it is here, part of me is still not ready.

I have so many mixed feelings surrounding this new adventure we are about to embark on.  I have searched long and hard for that perfect position and it seems I have finally found it.  I am excited, hopeful, ready.  And yet I am nervous, scared, overwhelmed. 

I knew that this would be a temporary situation...that has always been the plan.  But, as the days turned to weeks and then months, it has felt far less temporary and more our new way of life.  And a large part of me has been perfectly at peace with this reality. 

You see, I have loved this time with my kids where I was able to solely focus on my most important job: Mom.  If you caught me on a bad day, maybe it didn't always seem that way.  But I promise you that I have always remained grateful for the time and all of the experiences and memories I was able to create with my kids this past year.  For that matter, I already know that for the rest of my life, I will always look back at this year as one of the best...and most simple...of my children's childhood.

These memories will surely sustain me over these next weeks and months as I re-learn to juggle my "Mom" job with my new job.  (That's where the overwhelmed feeling is kicking in.)  I only hope that my kids will be able to feel the same as they see less of me than they are used to.  They will adapt, right??

I have seven more days to do all the things.  It feels too quick, daunting even, to pull off all that was left on that proverbial list of mine.  Seven more days to soak in this current life and prepare for the new one.  It feels big and so I'm trying not to think about it too much.  It's a good change...really. 

So now, I will put on a new hat, throw another ball back up into the air to juggle, get my brain back into the "zone" and hope and pray that I can do it all.   
   

These are the moments I will cherish.

A Stay At Home Mom...By Accident

I've now been a full-time stay-at-home mom for 6 months.  6 MONTHS.  And, never in a million years did I think I would utter that sentence.  But there you have it. I have become what I never thought I would be.

Part of me thinks: What in the world has happened to me??  The other part: I kinda like it.

I did not purposefully and consciously decide to quit my job and stay home with my two children, ages 3 years and 16 months.  I definitely did not ever picture myself as a stay-at-home mom.  In fact, when I married my husband I specifically told him that was just not part of my career goals and long-term plan.   

But, as we all know, life often takes turns you did not envision and this is definitely one of those for me.  You see, I was laid-off from my job 6 months ago and so far I have not found that next perfect professional opportunity.  While I am still trying to discover what I want to be when I grow up and also find a position with a company that allows me the balance in my life that I desire, it just has not happened for me yet.

So, for 6 months now I have been able to arrange weekday playdates and fun outings, cook interesting and healthy meals, get back into a workout routine, create and deepen friendships, and so many other activities that the kids and I have enjoyed together simply because I did not have to go to a job outside of the home.  (Because, what I am doing is most definitely still a job.)  Oh, and I also painted three rooms in my house. Go ahead - call me Susie Homemaker - I don't mind.


I could do these moments every day forever.

While being home with two little ones is definitely not easy and full of challenging moments, they are just that- moments.  I wouldn't trade for anything the hardest of days with these kids (and there are LOTS of those) for not having had this time at home with them.  I know with complete certainly I will never regret this time at home despite the strong desire to be professional and earn an income again.

I also know that months or years from now this period of time is one I will feel so nostalgic about.  I already am having twinges that I should be doing more - more fun, more adventures, more activities.  It's a tough one because there are also the chores, errands, naps, laundry, cleaning and such to keep up with. 

So why the regret right now?  There is a chance that my time at home will soon be ending.  And, instead of excitement this thought makes me so sad.  I knew going into this that being home was temporary but it's getting to the point I cannot imagine not being home.  I am definitely struggling with this possible change.  

Change is a good thing, right?  I know that when I decide to make that big change and return to work, it will only be for the position that truly feels right for me, my children, and my family.  I can't imagine it any other way at this point. 


The Decision to be "One And Done"

Seriously.  We are only having one.

Are you still reading?

There are some 14 million only-children in the US, representing about 20% of all kids.   This statistic has grown dramatically in the past fifty years or so, when only-children were thought of to be spoiled, lonely and entitled.

I was an only child.  Kind of.  Is that like being kind of pregnant - impossible?  Nope.  My parents added another one to our family when I was almost nine.  They even tell me that was a deliberate decision although I struggle believing them - even today.  Although I love the heck out of her now, I spent from about age nine to eighteen wishing I could have continued with my true only-ness.

And because we are so far apart in age, both of us had a bit of an only-child experience.

Husband and I agreed, before we even decided to slightly expand our family that this one would be it.  Why, you ask?

First, we live a very active lifestyle in that we camp, backpack, hike, ski and do all those kinds of things that happen to you when you choose to live in Colorado.  Doing those things with one is, I only assume, a bit easier.

Second, husband is just a touch older than me.  I adore him to the core so I don't need to give away his secrets, but let's just say he made out like that proverbial bandit.  Younger, hot wife.  I am puffing out my chest as I write this.

And, lastly, that's all we wanted.  Period.  Having one allows us to focus all of our attentions on helping this one little person grow into the absolute best version of herself.  But, before you launch into all the reasons why more than one is even better, allow me to let you know that I get it.  Those that choose to have more than one are amazing and special  parents - hell, just one is tons of work - I don't know how you do it with two, three, four or eight!

There is a stigma attached to being an only.  I mentioned it above and I want to avoid it like the plague.  I truly believe that we can raise a well-adjusted, confident and joyful child even though she is our only.  But, I also believe we are going to have to work at it:

1.  Keeping her socialized.  You may know by now, I am a huge daycare advocate for this reason alone, but for many others.  Here, she is learning how to interact with not only other children, but adults as well.  She learns to take instruction from other people while being a good (or not so good, depending on the day) example for the other kids.

2.  Encouraging her independence.  Earlier this year, I was meeting professionally with another mom and brought Baba with me.  She was just learning to walk and was exploring the space. After I made sure she was safe, I would look at her every now and again, but I didn't hover and I just let her be independent.  The other mother, who didn't know me well said, "she must have older siblings."  When I asked why she would say that, she mentioned that I was very relaxed in letting her be her own person without being afraid of what might happen.

3.  Setting boundaries.  Fact of the matter:  she is the kid, we are the parents.  Especially as she gets older, I will have to remind myself that I am her Mom, not her friend.  She needs me to be her Mom - there will be plenty of time when she's much older (like, gasp, 30) that we can be friends.

4.  Refraining from spoiling.  She's two, so we're practicing this one now.  You may judge me even more when I tell you that we're not getting her anything for Christmas this year. Terrible? Not for her. She has a playroom filled to the brim with things that make her happy and keep her busy. And, knowing some of the generous people in our lives, I have a feeling she may have a thing or two (or ten, if you know my Mom) to open on Christmas morning. To us, that's enough. We are starting our focus on what Christmas is really about.

5.  Helping to build a strong relationship with Daddy. This one has recently gotten so fun to watch.  Case in point: I am making dinner two nights ago. Baba comes and grabs my hand to show me that she and Daddy had prepared an entire Playdough "meal" complete with peas, mac-n-cheese, spaghetti and meatballs and pizza. He had hand-made every little piece. I melted.

6.  Inviting friends.  At her current age, I could just as soon pack her up and go it alone, but it's much more fun - for both of us - to experience our fun with other people.  I take every opportunity to socialize her with other children - even though she is in preschool full time.  It's never too early for her to learn what friendships are all about. She's social, by nature, so we need to cultivate that.  As she grows, we are fully aware that some of our excursions may feel like we actually had more than one child.  But, the best part?  We get to give one back at the end.

The company we keep: it's about the quality, not the quantity. Right?!