Life Is Short: Love Your Children

I have a very dear friend who lost a child at the age of 6. It was less than a year between a grave diagnosis for Mattie Goble and the moment she received her angel wings, and, in the process, I learned so much from this sweet girl and her firm-in-faith family.

I don't want this to be a sad post, primarily because Mattie would not want it that way. Instead, she would be so proud that her legacy has absolutely impacted who I am not only as a person, but most importantly, as a parent.

Today, my friend sent me this text:  "You better love them. You better spend time with them. You better tell them EVERY day in some way, shape or form that you love them." She wasn't telling me this to make me feel guilty that I still have my child in this physical world. She was telling me because it's important to hear. As parents, we can get so caught up in the world that exists every day, that we forget about what's most important. And, to me, that's my daughter.

Mattie's parents fought this battle with her - every moment of every day. If they could have taken her pain away and amplified its strength onto them, they would have - in a heart beat. They were the pillar of strength and love that this little girl needed to know that, even once she left this earth, she has a Mom and a Dad that love her fully and unconditionally - for the rest of their lives.

Although I respect and love her parents, it was Mattie herself who taught me a lot about what it means to be a Momma. So, here you have it. My little six-year-old friend "learned" me:

1. There is no greater gift than to be a parent.
When you're a parent, you have a little person that thinks you hang the moon. This little person waits with bated breath for every word you say, every move you make, every smile you give. Wow. What a responsibility. But, also an incredible earthly gift. I hurt Baba's feelings not long ago. It was completely unintentional and done only out of exhaustion. But, the look on her face and the downward slope of her shoulders reminded me that my impact runs much deeper than I may ever imagine. I much prefer the toothy smiles and belly laughs!

2.  The little stuff matters. A lot.
Speaking of those toothy smiles. Kids don't need a lot to know they're loved. It's a moment given to treasure the texture of a rock found right outside the front door, instead of rushing to the next place and the next moment. It's allowing the sidewalk chalk to track all the way up the outside front stairs - just because it makes her happy (and, who cares, I tell husband - the rain will wash it away. But, her happiness will remain). It's the smile during the last moments of the day - reminding her that my love runs deeper than any river in the world.

3.  Parents are the best friends a child will ever have.
Think about it. Children don't typically develop true friendships for several years. Which means we get to be their best friend. And, what do you do with your best friend? You love them unconditionally. You laugh with them until your cheeks hurt. You make them feel good about themselves.  And you cherish them. As a full-time working Mom, my moments with Baba each day are small. But, we make them big!

4.  At the end of this world, all that matters is love.
We don't get to choose how long we live in this world. But, we do get to choose how we live it. And, we do get to choose how we respond to those most important to us. So, my dear friend, thank you for the reminder. Because, try as I might, I forget sometimes. I am human and I am imperfect. Really imperfect. All I have is today. Today is the day to be the best parent I can be to someone who deserves my very best.

And, because I love this dear little girl who taught me more life lessons in parenting than she'll ever know, allow me to get on my soap box for a moment. September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month.  In the US, almost 13,000 children under the age of 21 are diagnosed with cancer each year. This month, we remember the young lives taken too soon, stand with the families facing childhood cancer today, and rededicate ourselves to combating this terrible illness.

To donate to an organization started in Mattie's name and dedicated to funding research for this disease, please visit: www.mattiesmission.org.

An inspiration like none other.

When They Wean on Their Own

This one's been a long time coming.

We're both avid supporters of breastfeeding and, between the two of us, nursed three children for a combined total of 43 months, which is the better part of 3 1/2 years.  And, for both of us, most of that nursing was done after our maternity leave brought us back to work.

For me, Sarah, I had zero, I repeat, zero, expectation of breastfeeding.  I didn't even know if I was going to do it.  I planned nothing regarding the birth of my child and this was no exception. Here's the thing, the minute I had her in my arms, the most natural thing on earth was to offer her milk - from me. So, I did. And, I continued for the next 13 months.

We were one of those lucky pairs that it came very naturally to. It was (relatively) pain free, stress free and enjoyable. In fact, I loved the relationship it cultivated between AK and I - one that I think thrives even today because of that bond. When I went back to work, I wanted to continue. It was my link to her, especially considering how much I missed her. Every day, at lunch, I would get a text telling me when she was ready to eat. I would get on my little motorized scooter and I would drive the few blocks to her daycare where I nursed her - just in time for her nap.

When she was first born, I nursed on demand. Around the clock. I was against any sort of scheduling for such a young baby. I wanted her to know that I would provide for her, just when she needed it. Of course, as she grew, we gradually and naturally settled into more of a suitable schedule that worked around her being in daycare and me working full time. And, that's how it worked for many months.

I miss it.

But, I am so beyond thankful for the fact that she weaned herself. Once we started this relationship, my main goal was to nurse as long as she wanted it but not up until the point where she was bigger than me (in her defense, I am small).  I really wanted her to wean herself. And, she did.

Looking back, I kinda wish we had a bit longer, but nothing replaces that sense of satisfaction that I did just what she needed for as long as she needed it.

The great part about it all was that she was quite gentle on me. I don't know if innately she knew how emotional the entire process was for me or how sore I would be if she cut me off cold turkey. But, she weaned over the period of about three weeks. I would notice that each session was a bit shorter until it was no longer.

The last session to go was the "dream feed:" something both Tracy and I did for the majority of our nursing relationship. We would get the little one out of her bed right before we turned in for the night. The concept behind it was to "top them off" before bed, giving us a little longer to slumber. For us, it worked perfectly.

One night, 13 months and 9 days after we started, AK gently turned her head away. Even in her sleep. She was weaned.

I think there are very few things we can do for our children greater than the gift of breast milk. And, I also understand that some people choose not to do it or cannot do it. I respect all angles. But, I remain steadfastly thankful for my ability and my desire to nurture that relationship. Until she was ready to move on. My big girl.

All weaned.  Now what?!

10 Fun Facts No One Tells You About Childbirth

So.  Here you have it.  Ten things your mother never told you about giving birth. You're welcome.

10.  It's not all that much fun, even though the outcome is well worth it.
Squeezing a human from your body is painful, exhausting and messy.  In my book, that doesn't equal fun. Sure, it was exciting to anticipate seeing her for the first time, but it wasn't as enjoyable as say, getting my teeth cleaned.

9.  It often doesn't happen just the way you planned it. (And, sometimes it does).
It's a tough one - planning. You know what they say about the best laid plans. Here's the thing:  sometimes it goes according to plan. Sometimes it doesn't. As much as I respect birth stories and planning for what we want to happen, we have no idea of knowing if it actually will. Moral of the story: stay open-minded with the goal of getting a healthy baby out of your body.

8.  You probably don't want your mother, your father, your husband's mother and father, your three sisters, his two brothers and your cousin at the hospital with you. Even if you think you do.
I have a friend who planned to have her parents and her in-laws in the birthing room. About mid-way through the contractions intensifying, she screamed blasphemy at everyone and sent them merrily on their way. You may not want everyone up in your business.

7. You might say mean things. To anyone.
At one point, about two and a half hours into pushing for my life, husband was holding a towel on my head, but was pushing my head back in the process. I wanted to be able to push my head forward, but his strength kept me from doing it. I lost my stuff and screamed at him. Something about how much I hated him. Sorry, dude.

6.  The physical effects on your body last far longer than the trip home from the hospital.
Huge breasts, a sore tummy and nether regions - it doesn't go away as soon as the baby pops out.

5. You look like crap for a long time afterward. A long time.
This one shocked me. It was months before I looked like myself again. I gained 8 pounds during my pregnancy (don't envy me - I threw up every ounce of anything that wasn't baby) and I looked more bloated and heavy afterward than I even did during the pregnancy. Throw in a surprise C-Section and I was a looker, for sure. Everyone begged for pictures of me with AK. Sorry, not gonna happen.

4. It doesn't look like it does in the movies.
So. In Hollywood, there's lots of screaming, the baby is born and then suddenly mom and dad are home with the baby and life is perfect, right? Nope. First of all, an epidural, heavenly as it is, eliminates most of that dreadful screaming. And, many mothers who go natural will admit that there is very little screaming and mostly grunting. Besides, what Hollywood starlet is going to naturally give birth?! Come on, now.

3.  Your boobs become giant water balloons.
Giant. Huge. Painful. Hard as rocks. Why is this never talked about? It was, undoubtedly, the biggest surprise of all.

2.  If you like sushi, you most likely will want sushi the minute your child is born. The rawer, the better.
Plan on it. I sent husband for sushi as soon as I was out of the recovery room. I might have screamed some obscenities at him, but then I realized he just wanted to soak up the little miracle his wife just produced. So, I cut him some slack. But, that sushi was melt-in-my-mouth divine.

1. Even after all of this, if you want to, you'll do it all over again. And, again.
We made our decision to only have one. But, if we wanted more, I would do it again tomorrow. OK, maybe not tomorrow, but definitely next week. Because the joy we get from watching our bodies do the most magical thing imaginable is astounding. And, the end result is pretty phenomenal, if we do say so.

Snapshot: Nursing 14 Months Later

The first days, weeks and even months of nursing your baby can be so difficult, and that may even be an understatement.  The questions never seem to end: Is my baby latching right? Is my baby getting enough milk? Not enough milk? Did my milk come in? My boobs/nipples hurt so badly- why? Is my baby gaining enough weight? Is my baby eating enough? Should I supplement?  How much should I pump before I go back to work?  And on and on....

Needless to say, this is a stressful time for new moms.  I can say, however, that once you make it to baby #2, this time is significantly less stressful and less overwhelming.  Most of the questions have been answered before.  There may be new issues, however, you now have the confidence to deal with those and move forward.

A plateau of sorts is then reached in your nursing relationship with your baby.  In my experience, this happens around 3-4 months.  Everyone knows what they are doing and how to do it.  You go back to work and figure out how to navigate the working-pumping life.  You introduce solid foods and baby adjusts their nursing needs accordingly. And life goes on, a routine develops, and life becomes normal-ish. 

Fast forward to today. We have made it to 14 months and 15 days of nursing.  I am extremely proud of this for a few reasons.  With my first child, CJ, my milk supply suffered a drastic decline around 7 months and I had to supplement with formula until he self-weaned at 13 months and 7 days.  I have always felt guilty (and yes, I know I shouldn't) that I was not able to exclusively provide breast milk.  With my second child, EM, I also had a decline in my supply around 8 months but was able to recover enough to not need to supplement.  And I have secretly (I guess not anymore!) relished in the fact that EM has never had a drop of formula.  Its probably one of my proudest accomplishments, second to my natural child birth.

So, what does nursing a 14 month old look like?  We nurse when she wakes in the morning for about 5 minutes total.  Since I am currently unemployed, we then nurse after her nap for about 5 minutes.  Some days she does not want this after nap so we skip right to snack time instead. And finally, we nurse for about 5 minutes at bedtime.  That's it.  Its been this way for about 3 months now. It's pretty easy and requires hardly any time at all which totally works for me.  Because of my current (un)employment situation, I have seen no reason to change this as long as its what she wants.  I offer and if she wants it - great - and if she refuses - that's fine too.   

I do see signs here and there of her starting the process to self-wean and I am completely at peace with this.  While I realize that the opinions can vary far and wide on this subject, I have always been of the mindset that when my babies are ready to stop, then I will stop, as long as they are making that decision.  I have a hard time with making that decision for them. When will this end?  I don't know.  But for today, I am feeling good about where we are.

If she could talk, she would say, "more milky!"

When Your Birth Story Just Isn't Glamorous

Full disclosure:  I am beyond proud of Tracy for having her dreamed-of natural birth. Sometimes I cannot imagine just how she did that - with no medicine at all. She makes me marvel at her strength not only in getting her children out of her but also in how she is raising them. (It's probably good that I admire her since she is my blogging partner!)

With that, here's my story. And, I warn you that it lacks any sort of glamour or achievement - aside from the fact that I got a beautiful, healthy, perfect baby out of my body. For that, I am eternally grateful. I tell you this story because I know I am not alone in how this whole thing went down. I was Tracy's polar opposite in the planning for the birth. I made no plan, wrote no dissertation to hand the doctors and just wanted to birth a healthy baby. And, I did that. So, why the regret?

AK was due on October 29th. She didn't come that day. Two days later, we signed the stack of papers that accompany the painful process of buying a home. On November 7th, the movers were scheduled to come move us from one home down the hill to our new home. I don't think it's possible for me to explain to you why we did this other than I think it's safe to say that our minds were effectively eroded by the excitement for our little one to arrive. So, finally on November 1st, we started the eviction process.

I warned you that it's not glamorous and the birth story is actually not what this post is about it.  So, I'll finish Part A quickly. We started the induction gently, with no drugs, which I am thankful for. Husband and I enjoyed our last night to sleep - somewhat peacefully, or as peaceful as it can get in a hospital.  The next morning, the contractions started, I snapped my fingers and the man that I professed my love to for the next forty-five minutes arrived to insert the world's biggest needle into my back.

I rested for what seemed like days although in actuality it was only a few hours.  At around 3pm on November 2nd, I started pushing. And pushing. And pushing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Yes, there was the tippy top of a little bald head, but nothing else. Ever. Finally at 6pm, overcome with exhaustion and frustration, I was wheeled in for a C-Section and at 6:56pm, my sweet AK finally graced us with her presence. And, she was perfect.

So, what's the big deal? I didn't even have a plan.

I guess now thinking about it, I did. I wasn't able to birth my baby the way so many other women do and I regret that. There. I said it. Still, eighteen months later, I regret that I couldn't push my own child from my own body. I do realize that there is truly nothing more I could have done, other than continue with the futile attempts to push while breaking every blood vessel in my face. AK has a GIGANTIC head. I am a rather small person. You can do the math. I just wish I could have.

In the scheme of my amazing world as AK's Mom, this regret is a minuscule portion of the emotion wrapped up in parenting her. But, it's real and it deserves its voice. I also know I am not alone in this feeling and perhaps giving these feelings a voice will soften them slightly.

Regardless, I have learned a few things in this process:

1. It's OK.
2. Things don't always go according to your unwritten or undefined plan.
3. Just making and delivering a perfect little human is a feat that deserves nothing but the greatest fanfare.
4. It's OK.

I Had a Natural Birth and I Did it on Purpose

Disclaimer: This is gonna be a long one, but hang in there with me!

It seems to me that every mom and mom-to-be loves a good birth story, all the details included (ok, maybe not every single one), and so I thought it might be of value to share one of my birth stories. 

I say only one of the birth stories for a reason.  Both of my children's births were remarkable quite simply because at the end I had my healthy, perfect baby.  But one experience far exceeded the other and you might be surprised why - it was a completely natural childbirth.

There is so much fear for women surrounding the birth of our children and I believe it just does not have to be that way.  I also feel that every woman in this world is entitled to the birth experience they desire, whatever and however that might be.  Sometimes its just a matter of having the right knowledge and support in order to produce that experience.

My first child entered this world 27 hours after my first contraction arrived.  Needless to say and to summarize, I was exhausted by the end and resorted to the one thing I had hoped to avoid- an epidural.  He arrived slowly and surely though and we were in love from first sight.  This birth was in a hospital with the on-call OB/GYN - I saw the doctor for literally about 15 minutes - most of the labor was monitored by the nurses who could have done the whole job in my opinion.  She was there for the last few pushes, stitched me up, and on she went. I didn't even have a chance to get a picture with her and my baby.

When I found out I was pregnant with my second baby, I knew I wanted this experience to be different.  I also knew that my first birth was not the total birth experience I wanted - mainly because I did not have the knowledge and the tools to create the birth I longed for.

I did some research and found an amazing OB/GYN office - which also staffed three midwives - and happened to be right down the road from my house.  I promptly made an appointment with a midwife to confirm the pregnancy.  After my first visit, I was overwhelmed. I knew this was exactly what I wanted but I was also scared...

These amazing midwives also did something unique called Family Circle.  For the duration of of pregnancy, instead of monthly office visits, we met with couples due the same month as us and discussed topics, shared stories and gained incredible knowledge related to birth and babies.  (Don't worry- there was also time during the monthly meetings for private medical visits with a midwife.)  But really the main takeaway for me was leaving this experience with that knowledge and those tools that I was craving.  Namely, how to make it through the labor and delivery without drugs.

Now, I will preface this all by saying that probably one of the main reasons my drug-free experience went so well was because my little baby arrived in record time.  Granted, she arrived 9 days late, but that's another story for another day.  And, definitely not a sunshine and roses story. If you have been overdue, you know what I'm talking about!

The final detail was to assemble the birth team I knew I needed to get me through this.  I had the midwife selected.  Next in line was husband and being absolutely convinced that he knew his role.  Just to make sure he knew my expectations, I turned on my Type "A" personality, typed up a list of all the things I wanted/didn't want during the labor and delivery process and beat him senseless with it. Finally, there was my mom- who not only is a nurse but had three of her own natural deliveries (one a home birth - My mom is way ahead of her time it seems and also my inspiration for doing life naturally). 

I'll skip the gory details and give you a recap of what matters.

I had contractions - but none that lasted or were very severe - for several hours and then they stopped around 2 am.  I went to bed exhausted but also disappointed.  Let's remember, I was 9 days overdue at this point. I just wanted that baby OUT. 

Next thing I know I woke at about 4:30 am with extremely strong contractions averaging 2-5 minutes apart.  With my first birth, I don't think I felt one contraction before the epidural as strong as these were coming.  In hindsight, that should have been a sign to all of us this was moving faster than we anticipated.  Somehow I got myself into that "zone" everyone talks about.  Husband called the midwife, she said get to the hospital and we started to get dressed.

Well, that took what seemed like an hour.  Actually, I think it was an hour.  When you have to stop every minute for a two-minute contraction, it kinda slows the process down.  All I really remember is my husband trying to make me move faster and my mom telling him to shush because I was in so much pain and could barely move. 

So, off to the hospital we go (the car ride likely deserves its own post).  My mom, being the strong-willed, don't-take-no-for-an-answer woman she is, refused to take a "no" from the ER staff that I needed to stay for the filling out of the paperwork and literally pushed me in a wheelchair up to labor and delivery.  I was also able to skip the triage thanks to my amazing midwife Janice who somehow knew we didn't have much time to waste. 

We get into the room and its a blur from there.  I remember being so excited to get into the tub they were filling up for me.  Little did I know but that baby would be out before the tub was even full (Side note: it might be a good idea for the hospital to consider a quicker way to fill a tub than a hose from the bathroom sink.)  At this point, it was just about 7 am and I was 6 cm dilated.  They had to hook me up to monitors for 20 minutes to check the baby's vitals. 

Unfortunately, laying flat in bed was not an option at this point so I was on all fours working through the contractions.  I focused solely on my husband's and my mom's voices and nothing else.  They told me what to do and I did it.  Breathe, relax your shoulders, breathe, loosen your grip, breathe...

At some point, what felt like hours later, but was only about 30 minutes, I clearly remember thinking: wow, the pain in my stomach is gone.  That feels amazing.  Meanwhile, there was a stronger, more intense pain down lower.  But it was different and in a way, better, although my husband wouldn't agree with this from the other noises I was making. What I did not know was what that meant nor could I verbalize this (or anything else for that matter- I was communicating in grunts). 

Within a minute of this change, my midwife Janice wanted to check me and when she moved my gown, she was greeted with a surprise - the top of a baby's head!  So, that explains that new and different feeling.  It was a head emerging. One more contraction and that little baby girl (It's a girl!) was out.  RELIEF.  The relief from the pain was completely instant.  And, it was 7:44 am. 

It took me a while to catch my breath and open my eyes.  Meanwhile, the baby was latched, I was cleaned up, and we finally took in all that had happened in what felt like record time. 

I am so grateful for my quick, yet incredibly intense, labor and birth.  It was, without a doubt the most amazing, raw, and empowering experience of my life. I also know how incredibly lucky I am that I was able to have this experience, because as we all know, when it comes to birthing a baby there are a lot of things that can go wrong.

My mid-wife used the analogy of a freight train and I wouldn't disagree.  But, I DID IT.  It still brings tears to my eyes to think about that magical moment.  One I wish I could repeat (yes, I said repeat) if only to capture and remember every little detail of my girl coming into this world, even the painful parts. 


There she is!

Here's what I have learned:
1.  I can do ANYTHING. I am strong, I can endure, and I can overcome pain (and I am a wuss when it comes to pain).  Nothing before or since has made me feel so empowered.  When faced with any challenges since this moment, I literally think to myself: well, if I could get through that, then I can make it through this.

2.  Our bodies can do anything.  I know it sounds cliché but it is entirely possible.  I don't know who to blame but "they" have conditioned us as women to believe that we cannot endure this pain of childbirth.  Women have been birthing children for centuries without drugs. This is largely what connects us as women. Knowledge is power and with that women have the power to make their own decisions regarding the kind of child birth they desire, whatever it is. 

3.  Doing it natural is easier.  Yes, for real, and in my own personal experience, of course.  With my first birth, I had an epidural for about 9 hours.  That's a whole lot of extra fluid to deal with at the end, not to mention having anesthesia in your body which takes days to completely vacate. After this birth, I felt amazing, I wasn't tired or sluggish, and I had energy I hadn't experienced in months!  I am sure there is a chemical/hormonal thing going on here to make me feel this way, but in the end: my recovery was by far quicker and easier than my first birth.   


10 Reasons Why I Love My Squishy Body

I had been pondering this post for a bit and when I mentioned it to Tracy, my blogging partner, she said, "Ha.  I could never come up with 10 things I love about my body."  That was all the answer I needed to actually put the proverbial pen to paper on this very sensitive topic.

I haven't had the most loving of relationships with my body.  OK.  That's a gross overstatement.  I have spent the majority of my life hating the body that I continually look back at and think "Oh. I didn't look half bad there."  Half bad.  That's all I've ever been able to give myself.  Until I had a baby.

Crazy, right?  I was reading my weekly PEOPLE magazine - it's the "Most Beautiful" edition.  The one that usually sends me reeling into a fit of negativity surrounding my own beauty.  However, it appears that this one they have done just slightly differently although I cannot pinpoint exactly how. One segment is called "Naked at 34" and features five glamorous stars (tastefully) naked. It's not so much the photos that got me, but the introduction:  "A recent study reveals that women feel best about their bodies at age 34."  WHAT?  I am speechless.  I am also 34.

So, I thought, no time like the present to really take a look at what this body of mine has been able to and continues to accomplish:

1.  I can move.  I started with this one for a very good reason.  I want to forever be thankful to my body because I can move - I can run, I can walk, I can do yoga and I can lift weights.  (I said I can do all these things.  I didn't say I do them all.  Silly.)

2.  I made a human.  Seriously, people. I don't care if you're a Mom, a Dad, or neither - think about this for a minute.  Women MAKE humans inside of their bodies.  How absolutely stunningly incredible. My mind boggles.

3.  While making said human, I existed on apples and well, nothing else.  I had one of those pregnancies in that I threw up everything I ate and clothes-pinned my nose shut to avoid the constant nausea. Therefore, while I was making my daughter, I ate virtually nothing.  Want proof of that?  I ended my pregnancy 8 pounds heavier than I started. AK weighed just over six pounds at birth. And she was perfect. This means that, even with very little nutrients, my body was able to continue to do its unbelievably important job.

4.  Once born, I nourished said human by my body alone for seven months.  I exclusively breastfed AK for seven months before even beginning her first taste of solid foods.  My body actually MADE her food and kept her not only alive, but healthy.

5.  My after-baby body, although different, yes, still resembles the previous version.  Although softer, rounder and whatever else-er, it's still me.  I'm still 5'2" tall and on the petite side.  Even after stretching to accommodate my growing belly, I somehow still recognize myself.

6.  She loves to lay in my lap.  And, perhaps a small part of me thinks that my soft thighs or my soft belly make it even more comfortable for her.

7.  Her favorite body part of mine is my "belly."  She doesn't care that it's not flat, it's a little fluffy and rolls a bit when I sit down.

8.  I carry her in one arm while simultaneously doing 10 other activities.  This is certainly no attempt to bash Dads here, but have you ever watched them try to do this?  It's like they are physically incapable. When holding kids, they can stand still or walk forward to a single destination.  There is no feasible way they could empty the dishwasher, start a pot of water for pasta, get out a cup of teddy grahams and pour a sippy cup of milk all while holding a child.

9.  I have existed on far less sleep than any individual should be able to.  And, what I accomplish on so little sleep is next to miraculous.

10.  I don't have a hired team of 14 to make me look beautiful.  I get to do it all myself.  In the magazine article mentioned above, all five of those women sure were beautiful.  And, I can only imagine the number of people who contributed to that beauty.  My team is me.

Every day, my body is a reminder that I am a Mom.  And, there is no relationship in this world like the one between a mother and her child.  My body is a little jiggly, a little squishy and it's far from my ideal of perfect. However, it is beautiful because of what it has done, what it can do today and what it will do tomorrow. And, for that gift, I am grateful.

The Decision to be "One And Done"

Seriously.  We are only having one.

Are you still reading?

There are some 14 million only-children in the US, representing about 20% of all kids.   This statistic has grown dramatically in the past fifty years or so, when only-children were thought of to be spoiled, lonely and entitled.

I was an only child.  Kind of.  Is that like being kind of pregnant - impossible?  Nope.  My parents added another one to our family when I was almost nine.  They even tell me that was a deliberate decision although I struggle believing them - even today.  Although I love the heck out of her now, I spent from about age nine to eighteen wishing I could have continued with my true only-ness.

And because we are so far apart in age, both of us had a bit of an only-child experience.

Husband and I agreed, before we even decided to slightly expand our family that this one would be it.  Why, you ask?

First, we live a very active lifestyle in that we camp, backpack, hike, ski and do all those kinds of things that happen to you when you choose to live in Colorado.  Doing those things with one is, I only assume, a bit easier.

Second, husband is just a touch older than me.  I adore him to the core so I don't need to give away his secrets, but let's just say he made out like that proverbial bandit.  Younger, hot wife.  I am puffing out my chest as I write this.

And, lastly, that's all we wanted.  Period.  Having one allows us to focus all of our attentions on helping this one little person grow into the absolute best version of herself.  But, before you launch into all the reasons why more than one is even better, allow me to let you know that I get it.  Those that choose to have more than one are amazing and special  parents - hell, just one is tons of work - I don't know how you do it with two, three, four or eight!

There is a stigma attached to being an only.  I mentioned it above and I want to avoid it like the plague.  I truly believe that we can raise a well-adjusted, confident and joyful child even though she is our only.  But, I also believe we are going to have to work at it:

1.  Keeping her socialized.  You may know by now, I am a huge daycare advocate for this reason alone, but for many others.  Here, she is learning how to interact with not only other children, but adults as well.  She learns to take instruction from other people while being a good (or not so good, depending on the day) example for the other kids.

2.  Encouraging her independence.  Earlier this year, I was meeting professionally with another mom and brought Baba with me.  She was just learning to walk and was exploring the space. After I made sure she was safe, I would look at her every now and again, but I didn't hover and I just let her be independent.  The other mother, who didn't know me well said, "she must have older siblings."  When I asked why she would say that, she mentioned that I was very relaxed in letting her be her own person without being afraid of what might happen.

3.  Setting boundaries.  Fact of the matter:  she is the kid, we are the parents.  Especially as she gets older, I will have to remind myself that I am her Mom, not her friend.  She needs me to be her Mom - there will be plenty of time when she's much older (like, gasp, 30) that we can be friends.

4.  Refraining from spoiling.  She's two, so we're practicing this one now.  You may judge me even more when I tell you that we're not getting her anything for Christmas this year. Terrible? Not for her. She has a playroom filled to the brim with things that make her happy and keep her busy. And, knowing some of the generous people in our lives, I have a feeling she may have a thing or two (or ten, if you know my Mom) to open on Christmas morning. To us, that's enough. We are starting our focus on what Christmas is really about.

5.  Helping to build a strong relationship with Daddy. This one has recently gotten so fun to watch.  Case in point: I am making dinner two nights ago. Baba comes and grabs my hand to show me that she and Daddy had prepared an entire Playdough "meal" complete with peas, mac-n-cheese, spaghetti and meatballs and pizza. He had hand-made every little piece. I melted.

6.  Inviting friends.  At her current age, I could just as soon pack her up and go it alone, but it's much more fun - for both of us - to experience our fun with other people.  I take every opportunity to socialize her with other children - even though she is in preschool full time.  It's never too early for her to learn what friendships are all about. She's social, by nature, so we need to cultivate that.  As she grows, we are fully aware that some of our excursions may feel like we actually had more than one child.  But, the best part?  We get to give one back at the end.

The company we keep: it's about the quality, not the quantity. Right?!

I'm Supposed to do WHAT at Work?!

Breastfeeding. It's a commitment - no question about it. And an even bigger commitment if you've decided to go back to work and continue your journey in nourishing your little one in the best way possible.  I nursed AK for 13 months and 9 days when we ended on her terms and in great peace.  I also worked full time starting at 3 months, so I pumped consistently during the work-day for 10 months.

As I was going through this, I wish I would have had the wherewithal to ask the questions that I never knew to ask.  (Yeah, I'm not sure that makes sense either).  I did a little bit of googling, but nothing really geared toward building and sustaining a relationship with your pump while at work.  And a relationship it is.

So, here's all the stuff your mother never told you about pumping at work:

1.  It's not all that much fun. Let's call a spade a spade. You're hooked up to a machine, by the breasts once or twice a day.

2.  It is required - by law - that your workplace allow you to pump while at work.  Here are the specifics (from the US Department of Labor's website). Four months after I finished my nursing experience, I still wish I knew some of these when I was going through it:

• Employers are required to provide “reasonable break time for an employee to express breast milk for her nursing child for 1 year after the child’s birth each time such employee has need to express the milk.”

• Employers are also required to provide “a place, other than a bathroom, that is shielded from view and free from intrusion from coworkers and the public, which may be used by an employee to express breast milk.”

• Employers are not required under the FLSA to compensate nursing mothers for breaks taken for the purpose of expressing milk. However, where employers already provide compensated breaks, an employee who uses that break time to express milk must be compensated in the same way that other employees are compensated for break time.

• While pumping, the employee must be completely relieved from duty OR compensation is required.

3. Eat and drink and then eat and drink some more.  I know, I know.  It's hard enough to just stay upright at work when you're sleep deprived and missing your kiddo. I didn't eat enough, my weight plummeted (it's not as glorious as it sounds, I promise) and my supply dropped. You may very well end up pumping during your lunch break. That's fine, but be sure to actually eat your lunch.

4.  Speaking of lunch - for the first eight months of being back to work, I rode a little moped about six blocks to AK's school where I nursed her. Committed I was and I understand this is absolutely not possible for everyone. But, if it is, I would highly recommend it. It keeps you connected to your babe, gives you a little break and keeps your supply higher.

5.  And while we're on the topic of supply... the pump is not nearly as efficient as your baby.  Period. When I first started, I was pumping anywhere from 10 to 12 ounces once per day (in addition to the lunch feed). Please understand that this is higher than normal from what I have heard.  By the end of the eight months, I was down to about four ounces once per day. It was shocking, but it is natural. To keep supply as high as possible:

• Relax. A sure-fire way to negatively impact your supply is to worry.  So, stop that now.

• Put up a picture. Hang a cute (aren't they all cute?!) picture of your little one somewhere in your pumping area. It helps.

• Mother's Milk Tea. I'm not really sure how much it helped, but it made me feel better.

6.  Storage.  I recommend transferring your milk into plastic milk storage bags. It's easier to store and easier to transport. Any of these work just fine. You can do one of two things:

• Store it in a fridge somewhere. It'd be great if we all had our own private fridge at work, but that's not always possible. If you do use a public fridge, it's a nice idea to find something covert to store it in. I used an ice bucket that was not in circulation at my hotel. But, you could also use a lunch box or cooler.

• Store it in an insulated cooler. Use an ice pack and it will stay cool enough to get home and get into the fridge or freezer.

7.  Turn the other way.  There will be naysayers. There will be people who give you attitude or funny looks or whisper. Who cares, really? I held a pretty big job during AK's first year of life and I remained steadfastly committed to continuing our nursing relationship. And, am I ever glad I did. You don't have to explain anything to anyone about your choice. Congratulations for making this choice!

The Early Days of Nursing

The funny thing about the first few days and weeks of nursing is that life is such a blur for so many reasons (namely, sleep deprivation the likes of which you've never seen before) that providing reflective thoughts after the fact can prove a bit difficult.

But, one of my closest friends is days away from giving birth to her first baby.  (Incidentally, she is due on my birthday! Guess what special gift I am hoping for!) And, she plans to exclusively breastfeed.  And, I have promised to guide her along her journey offering my support and advice when needed.  After all, as I have previously mentioned, I truly believe that it is with the support and encouragement of our friends and family that breastfeeding relationships can thrive.

It is my experience that despite the fact that the United States government and the American Academy of Pediatrics, in addition to countless other countries, recommend exclusive breastfeeding for the first year (plus!) of your child's life, that at least in the U.S. little breastfeeding education and preparation is automatically given to new moms PRIOR to and AFTER baby's arrival.  It is further my experience that this lack of education leaves these new moms (myself included) feeling scared, lost, confused, and worried in those first days.  Particularly if there are any difficulties.

I will not attempt to reinvent the wheel.  Much has already been written about the mechanics of those first days and weeks.  The place I always go to for breastfeeding information is a well-known blog offering evidence-based breastfeeding information and there is a great post detailing all of what a new mom needs to know in those first days as far as feeding times, how much milk, physical changes in your body, and milk supply.

Instead, what I want to offer to you is what I was not told, did not read, and therefore did not know in my first days and weeks of nursing, sugar-coating not included. 

So, here we go. 

1. Nursing is hard work.  It's important to remember that both you and your baby are completely new to breastfeeding.  You need to learn the right way to do it and so does your baby.  They do not come out knowing the proper latch, you have to teach them.  The great news is that they are very coachable and they learn quick.

2. Just because your friends have problems breast feeding their babies, doesn't mean you will too!  This one cannot be stressed enough. I cannot count the number of friends who have said to me something along the lines of  "My sister/friend/cousin had all of these problems, so I don't know if I will be able to breast feed." This is completely not true. Also, your experience will certainly not be what your friend experienced, especially if you persevere through the lows that will definitely happen.

3. Nurse on Demand.  I am sure you have heard this one before.  But, it is worth repeating because this is so true.  When those babies want to nurse every 11 minutes, it's because they are HUNGRY, but not because they are using you as a pacifier.  Their stomachs are just itty bitty right now and breast milk digests very quickly.  They are growing at ridiculous rates and there are growth spurts all the time in the first few weeks.  So, when they want to eat, feed them.  Plus, all this nursing truly is what establishes a good milk supply for your entire nursing relationship (and that doubly goes for the night nursing). Yes, some babies seem to be hungrier than others and your friend who has a baby that slept 6 hours at night after 6 weeks is considered lucky.  But, I promise that the length between nursing sessions will get longer over time and more importantly, it will get more manageable too.

3. Don't second guess yourself.  If you feel something is wrong, or something you are trying is not working, you ultimately know what's best for you and your baby.  Get all the advice and information you can from doctors, lactation consultants, friends, and family, but in the end, remember that its your journey and your decision.

4. Pick a resource/consultant/friend and stick with it.  There are a myriad of different, and often contradicting, philosophies and techniques when it comes to breast feeding.  This can be incredibly confusing to a new mom seeking information from multiple resources and can lead to second guessing both yourself and the information you are given.  So, pick the source(s) you trust the most and that align with your own beliefs and pledge your loyalty.

5. There will be difficulties.  Note, I did not say there will be problems.  Difficulties can be overcome and nearly every issue you will have in your early days of breastfeeding can be resolved.  It may not be easy, it may involve tears, swollen (rock-hard) painful breasts, cracked and bleeding nipples, not to mention completely off-the-chart hormone levels, but you CAN breastfeed! You just have to work at it like you would learning any new skill. (See #1)

6. It gets easier.  Finally, some good news.  Once you weather those first days of learning how to breastfeed, I promise, it will definitely get easier.  And, less exhausting, all-consuming, overwhelming and then turn into something you actually enjoy.  Hang in there.

This list is definitely not exhaustive, and of course, everyone has a different experience.  I also want to stress that if breastfeeding doesn't work for you, for whatever the reason, the most important factor in your baby's life is the bonding they will do with their parents in these early days. Love counts more. 

What would you add to this list?  What were the early days of nursing your first baby like for you?  I would love to hear from you on this subject because I truly feel that this is something that is just not talked about enough and just by talking about it we might help another mom to not have to experience this phase all alone.

Well, maybe not at first. 

What Do You Want to be when You Grow Up?

Have you always known what you wanted to be when you grew up?  

I am definitely not one of those people.  But, oh, how I have yearned to know what my "magic" job is. However, I have focused my career in the non-profit management sector for the past 14 years (wait, how did I get that old?!) - and now I am again questioning what I want to be when I “grow up.”  It's quite the ride.

As I have mentioned before, I was laid off from my job two months ago and am now in the midst of searching for that new position that feels like THE ONE. (Is there even such a thing?!)  It’s been pretty tough, but humbling and enlightening at the same time.  The last time I had to find a new job, I could check the "no kids" box, which makes it super easy to accept positions that require extra hours, long hours, long commutes, lots of travel…you get the picture.  

What’s more is that the position I just ended, although extra hours and travel were required, it allowed me to balance my career and family so well, and for that I will be forever grateful. (And, let's be honest, perhaps a little spoiled).  

Taking on something bigger now feels not so easy, even with a supportive husband. But, he too has a demanding career.  My life has changed so drastically since that last job search that what I am seeking, my goals, and my values have certainly evolved and are not the same as they used to be. To add to that pressure is an internal war waging inside me over slowing it down professionally while my kids are so young versus continuing to take on more responsibility.  That extra responsibility has a price, no?  

When "work" took on a whole new meaning

This period of time before the kids go to school is so short-lived and I do not want to regret not truly being present to enjoy it. Yet, I also crave the professional environment where I can utilize my skills, my intelligence and my education.  Finding a satisfying job with an organization that shares my values and that can fulfill the above mentioned requirements - does it exist?  I have to believe it does.  

It’s funny though, although one of the most difficult things I have ever gone through, getting laid off has brought me some unexpected pay-offs.  It has afforded me the opportunity to do significant re-evaluation and reflection regarding my priorities, professional ambitions, family goals, etc. – but more importantly, the desire to identify just what is my PASSION, which I have never adequately pursued before.  

I am already pursuing new professional endeavors that even 6 months ago, I wasn’t sure I had it in me.  There is nothing like losing a job though to force you to take big risks where in the past you might have hesitated- namely through this blog.  If there is anything I have learned in my 3+ years of parenting and working, it’s that I have learned a lot! And, I want to share my experiences so other moms like me know they are not alone.  Because, I know I have certainly felt alone in so many of these feelings and experiences.

This period of time defines transition, one that I am trying to embrace to the fullest. I can only hope that down the road when I have come out on the other side, with perspective, I can say I valued this time away from full-time employment, pursued my passions, and ultimately made the best decisions not only for myself, but for my family.    

She Said What?!

Here's what she said:  "Isn't she late to start walking?"

"She" was a random stranger who interjected her opinion into my life whilst holding the tiniest baby who was, as a matter of fact, doing absolutely nothing, let alone walking.  "She" caused me to second guess my girl's development, although knowing matter-of-factly that was AK was just fine.

Truth be told:  AK walked late.  There.  I said it.  As a first time Mom, and one who has really tried to keep it as simple and serene as possible (HAHA- Parent and serene in the same sentence), it became a daily attempt to refrain from worry.

At her fifteen month appointment, which was held closer to her sixteenth month birthday, the pediatrician started the spiral into questioning her development.  Although I sincerely believe he tried to keep the conversation as nonchalant as possible, it was quite difficult to remain stoic while he stated, "Let's go ahead and get an appointment with an OT just to be sure there are no developmental issues."  Here's the thing:  I knew, without question, that there were no developmental issues.  Just like I knew at ten weeks pregnant that she was a girl.  I just knew.

But, I started questioning.  Why was she not walking?  Why did she consistently choose to crawl? Was it the billions of ear infections that have thrown off her balance?  Was I carrying her too much?

In her classroom at school, she was one of the oldest children - and the last to walk.  But, walk she did. One week shy of her seventeenth month birthday. As I was reminded by a dear friend, "Sarah. Chill. She's not going to crawl when she's four. She's just not." Thank you, dear friend.  She's not. And, she didn't.

AK's first word was spoken at around four months. And, as much as you may not believe me, I have video to prove it. It was, of course, Dada. But, it was said deliberately in reference to her Dad, repeated and done several times. Her vocabulary growth took a bit of hiatus after that, until right around eleven months when she perfectly uttered the word "uh-oh." The "oh" causing her little lips to purse perfectly. From that point forward, it's been non-stop:  duck, dog, wow, up, down, out, eyes, purple, more, ball.  A new word every day, it seems.

My point in telling you is this: She chose to develop her language skills first.  Even if this statement is not scientifically proven, I believe it. That's just where she chose to focus. Language and fine motor skills took precedence over choosing to stand erect and walk like Momma. Ultimately, she is going to do it all until she becomes a fully functioning, walking, talking little person.

What I learned:

1.  Every child develops at a pace conducive to him or her as an individual. Unless dealing with significant developmental delays, she will walk, talk and do puzzles - all on her own time. She is her own person, after all.

2.  Don't compare. This one cannot be emphasized enough. Tracy's kids both walked around their first birthday. Many other friends have kids who walked somewhere between one and seventeen months. I hear some even go until they're eighteen months.

2.  Don't allow random, insignificant strangers to elicit a response or concern that is completely unjustified.

3.  For heaven's sake woman, chill out. (Yup. Second time I have told myself this. When will I start listening? Your guess is as good as mine).

A Few of Our Favorite Things!

When getting ready to welcome a little one to the family, the amount of "stuff" available/wanted/needed is truly overwhelming.  Holy buckets.  Where do you start?  I lucked out and started with Tracy.  She had to figure it all out on her own. Poor girl.

My mentality was one of simplicity.  (If you saw our playroom now, you would burst into a fit of laughter.) But, in the beginning, we really tried to get just what we needed and not much more.  I also see posts regularly on social media platforms asking for advice on what to get for a newborn, a nice shower gift, etc.

So, here you have it: A list of our very favorite things. In no particular order...

(We are not compensated to endorse any of these items.  In addition, we chose to link mainly to Amazon and Diapers.com due only to its simplicity and ease of navigation.)

*Click on the green headings to link straight to the product*

Nose Frida
I read a review once that said "This is the grossest thing I have ever loved."  And you may question my sanity for putting something so weird first on our list.  Tracy was adamantly against even considering using this little device (also called the Snot Sucker - so you get the drift), but has since become a believer herself.  Those little bulb things the hospital gives out don't hold a candle to this thing.

Zip Jammies
In the middle of the night, you will be so thankful that you don't have to fumble with little snaps. Enough said.

Sound Machine
I highly recommend a sound machine.  Even more so if you have another child that could potentially interfere with the little one sleeping, or, in my case, a husband that resembles a bull in a china shop. 16 months later, we still use ours every night.

Cradle
This is not your typical cradle.  Both of us have used this little miracle sleeper for all three of our children. It's super easy to maneuver (I used to drag it from room to room so she could be with me while she was sleeping). The incline keeps baby sitting up slightly, which is good for any reflux conditions.  I kept AK at the side of my bed for three months.  Tracy kept EM with her for even longer!

Kick N Play Piano Gym
My favorite thing for baby once she hit about two months old.  I watched her develop her fine and gross motor skills right in front of my eyes.  She loved this thing.  Once she got a bit bigger, the piano adjusts so she can pound on it while sitting.

Sophie the Giraffe
So cliche.  But, by far, their favorite hand toy ever.

Miracle Blanket Swaddle
Both EM and AK had difficulties in the sleep department - but what baby doesn't! These blankets are amazingly easy to use, completely effective, and definitely helped our girls to stay asleep as infants - try as they might, those little arms could not get free. 

Munchkin Snack Catchers
These cups have saved me many a meltdown, particularly when we are not at home.  I have even resorted to putting entire meals cut-up into bite size pieces in  these cups in order to get certain children to eat.


Baby MumMum
This is a mess-free snack that baby will devour.  These little rice-cake-type crackers will give you at least 7 minutes of baby occupied time which is priceless as far as I am concerned.

Baby MumMum - the chosen appetizer before the real meal!

OxyClean Laundry Stain Remover Spray
This product is literally the ONLY one, and I have tried what seems like all of them, that will remove all the different types of stains your baby/child will make on their clothes.  You name it, this spray has removed it, and I have saved so many clothes from the garbage as a result.  Seriously.

Julbo Looping Sunglasses
These could be considered slightly pricey as far as kids sunglasses go.  However, the money they will save you in not having to buy a new pair for your kid every week will make it worth the splurge.  When this company says that they have flexible frames and cannot be damaged by bending, they are not kidding.  We have had our pair for 2 years and counting and are still damage free- and that includes the lenses.

A Journey Into Breastfeeding

Breastfeeding your baby is hard work.  Especially when it’s your first baby.  No amount of research prior to your baby’s arrival can sufficiently prepare you for your nursing relationship. 

I consider myself lucky to have nursed both of my babies for approximately 13 months each (One is still going. Gasp!)  It has not always been easy or fun but it has possibly been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life.  (Side note:  While I do not plan to still be nursing my child until pre-school or some such age, I also believe in baby-led weaning, so I do not know yet when this current journey will end.  My oldest self-weaned at 13 months.)  I also am privileged to say that four of my closest friends have had successful long-term nursing relationships with their babies.  So, not only did I get to bond with my babies, but I was able to deepen my bond with these friends. 

There is so much information out there on breastfeeding - books, online resources, doctors, breastfeeding professionals, moms, sisters, friends, and the list goes on.  Most of it is really amazing, but depending on where you are getting your information, you may be hearing very different and often misleading information, even some that contradicts other resources.  This is incredibly stressful for a new mom who is just beginning her journey into breastfeeding, and I feel often leads to new moms quitting pre-maturely.

While I am not trained or educated as a breastfeeding professional, I do consider my 26 months and counting to be on-the-job training which makes me qualified to at least impart some pearls of wisdom to other like-minded breastfeeding moms.  I am going to attempt to capture these nuggets through a series of posts – including the highs, the lows, and mostly what we wish we knew then that we know now.   While these are my experiences, and those of my dearest friends, I believe that simply hearing another mom’s story can be helpful to anyone facing even a similar challenge.  I fully acknowledge that breastfeeding does not work for everyone (and if that’s you, that’s totally fine!), but, it is my sincere hope that through my efforts on this blog, I can positively affect at least one other mom to not give up in her breastfeeding journey. 

What breastfeeding topics would you like more information on?  If you have breastfed your baby, what do you wish you knew then that you know now?  Do you have a success story you are proud of?  Please share!