I'll Potty Train Her When She's Ready

Period. OK, end of post.

No, really.  If I learned anything from biting my nails down to the quick until she finally walked at the ripe old age of 17 months, it's to chill (the eff) out and let her develop at her own speed.

I'm pretty sure she won't show up to Kindergarten in diapers. Yes, I would love to invest the money I spend on diapers somewhere else, say, for her to go to college.  Yes, I would love to not wipe another squished-from-sitting-poopy butt. Yes, I would love to have this phase behind us.

But, the bottom line is, she's not ready. Yet.

Granted, she's getting close. And, I suppose I could do a three day potty-training boot camp (yes, she does have some camo shoes that could be appropriate for the event). But, ultimately, it's a lot of pressure on her (and me!) and, until she's ready, how well will it even sit with her? Will she get it?

She's pees on the potty at school. But, never (ever) at home. Sigh. And, #2? Well, that's still just better sitting in her diaper. How, I have no idea, but well, I've been potty trained for quite some time, so I don't remember the feeling.

Part of me is actually afraid to potty train - it seems like so much work. I know that sounds super lazy and if you know anything about me, it's that I am far from lazy. All the rewards (or not) for actually sitting on and going to the potty.  All the rushing to the potty every fifteen minutes. Sounds like a full-time job. And, I already have one of those.

I feel like potty training is one thing that is left out of the parenting manual. What? You didn't get one of those when you left the hospital? I sure did (insert sarcastic laugh here). There are a billion websites devoted to ordering charts and stickers and crap, but how do you actually do potty training?

Is there a particular method? Do you run to the potty every fifteen minutes hoping that something will dribble from naked toddler? Do you bribe reward with all kinds of usually-restricted treats? Do you rationally explain to said toddler that pottying is necessary to become the ever-elusive 'big kid?'

Sigh. I just don't know. Can I leave it in the hands of her teachers at school?  How irresponsible would that be?

I guess it's all moot anyway, since she's not ready yet. Maybe, just maybe, she and I will both be ready at the same time. I'll be ready to train her when she's ready to train.



My Never-Ending To-Do List

Lately, I have been feeling really overwhelmed with balancing it all.  It's nothing too specific that is causing this feeling although maybe I have a few too many things on my plate and need to remove one or two.  (Or just figure out how to let go a little better!) Is it me or as our kids get older is there more to do and not less?

The problem is that I am feeling more and more behind every day.  It is affecting my ability to just sit down and play with my kids without worrying about what item on my list isn't getting crossed off.  I am not devoting enough time to my paid work.  I cannot remember the last time I had alone time with husband in what could even remotely be considered a "date night."  And the list could go on...

Adjusting to being a full-time SAHM has been fairly easy for me.  (Seriously, husband, it has!)  I really do like being home, I love having significant time with my kids (well, most days), and the cherry on top, witnessing "firsts" that I otherwise would not if I was working.  Now if only it was that simple. 

Unfortunately, I don't solely "stay home" with my kids.  I also have two part-time jobs which thankfully I can (mostly) do from home, yet do require a handful or more of hours each week.

Throw in all the other things required for keeping a household running as well as trying to find a little "me" time here and there.  (My "me" time these days is going to the gym and I aim for 2-3 days a week. Without it, my kids could witness their very own apocalypse.)

Yes, I know it could be worse in a million different ways. Yes, I know I only have 2 kids and many moms juggle all this and more with more kids and a full-time job.

The real problem here is me.  Woah.

I need to learn to just let go of the things that don't matter too much (like if the house has been vacuumed this week), and focus on the bigger picture (like watching Brother and Sister finally learn to play nicely together).

In my own defense, if I may, I am a classic firstborn.

Some may call this an excuse, but hear me out.  You see, I have been reading "The Birth Order Book" by Dr. Kevin Leman and it has been a truly fascinating read.  Incidentally, my Mom has literally been quoting this book for years, to which I always have groaned and rolled my eyes.  She forced it on me a few months ago and now I cannot seem to stop talking about it.  This birth order stuff is for real.  Seriously, go read it!

Dr. Leman might just be spying in my windows.  As a firstborn, I am a perfectionistic, conscientious, well-organized, list-maker.  (Ever written something down that you already did just to cross it off? Yeah, you're probably a first born too...)  How's that for a confession- everyone who knows me is shaking their head in agreement right now. (And I just lost all the last-borns reading this right there.)

There are a whole bunch of great qualities that come with being a first-born though - 64% of US presidents have been first-borns!  I have always set high goals for my professional and personal life and worked my butt off to achieve them.

Being at home now has created new and different (and maybe not as lofty) goals for me and adjusting to this change has been tricky.  While I am who I am, I am also learning that it's OK to just not get anything done on the list for even one day. 

Regardless of your birth order, I know that these feelings are shared by many moms and dads out there.  Juggling work, family, and all of the responsibilities therein is no easy feat these days and parenting has changed significantly since my parents were doing the parenting.

I do believe some of this is simple self-awareness.  So here I am putting it out there publicly: I am aware, that I need to work on balance and letting go.  I need to let go and enjoy the ride.  I am counting on you to hold me to this...

Daycare: Over a Year Later

We call it preschool now. It was a little odd calling it "school" or "preschool" when she couldn't even hold her head up. But now, it is absolutely the school before the school.

If you remember back, I struggled big time with the choice to put AK in daycare. It was heart-wrenching for many months. But, then, eight months after she started daycare, I quit my job. You might think "Oh, yay! Now you can stay at home with her." Nope.

See, staying at home isn't necessarily what I want to do. I like to work. But, I didn't like working in my previous capacity - 80 hours a week with a second helping of stress and guilt. That just wasn't worth it. But, I have found my niche and I am loving being a full-time working mom. Primarily because this organized daycare setting has been the best thing ever for AK.

When I quit my job and I started something new, I moved AK to a preschool closer to home - so close in fact, that it is located in our neighborhood and takes me less than four minutes to walk her to school. Most days, however, I ride my bike to work, dropping her off in the process. This starts both our days off with ease and enjoyment.

Her new school is out of this world. Hear me out: I actually loved her old school. But, this one seems to cater to her even more so. It is full of activities and learning. This week, for example, boasts a Magic Show, Splash Day, Cookie Making and Zumba. Hello?! Where do I sign up? I believe greatly in learning through experiences so as much as I appreciate the structure that accompanies each day, I find great joy in the dancing, water playing and duck feeding that occurs each week. The time for her to learn how to become a little person.

Because I am such an advocate of preschools, especially at this age (almost two), I want to help others make the right decision when it comes to child care. It is one of the hardest yet most rewarding decisions I have made as a parent. And, I believe it can be like that for anyone who has to, or wants to, make this choice for their children.

Preschool:  It's a Day at the Beach!

What has made my experience so fulfilling, you might ask?

1.  I stay present in her preschool experience. I ask questions, I talk to the Director, I spend time talking to the teachers when I pick her up.  I want them to know me and I want to know them. This is not an anonymous experience and the more I stay involved, the more satisfied I am. This week, husband is building shelves in their kitchen.

2.  I stay thankful. What these people do is spend more time during the waking hours with my child than I do. A little thanks goes a long way. Which reminds me, I need to write some cards, or bake some cookies soon.

3.  I meet other parents. Whether it's a walk after school with the kids or some duck feeding at the lake, I think it's important to keep AK engaged in those new little friendships she's making. In addition, I might walk away with a new friend or two and there's no harm in that.

4.  If I'm uncomfortable with something, I speak up. Hasn't happened at the new school yet, but one day at her old school, they had canned vienna sausages for snack. Although she has had a (nitrate free, all natural) hot dog, I prefer that she don't ingest the level of preservatives in canned vienna sausages. So, I nicely said so. She's my kid. I have a right to express my needs - both for me and for her.

My blogging partner, Tracy, has been blessed (cursed? Depends on the day, if you ask her) with being a Stay-At-Home Mom this year. It was an accident, yes, but she is truly relishing in this time she has with her kids. I love that she has had this time. And, in my own way, I have found a way to have the best of both worlds.

Mommies Can't Get Sick

It's law, right? Mommies can't get sick.

We don't have time. We do so much. We don't have time. The kids always need us. We don't have time.

Last week, I got knocked down. By something ugly. I have no idea where it came from, but it literally caused me to sleep for over 24 hours. In the middle of that, I tried really hard to care for my child. I know I dragged myself from room to room, attempting to cook her healthy and wholesome meals. Attempting to bathe her and brush her teeth, when all I really wanted to do was crawl back into my cocoon and sleep it all away. I felt like I did pretty OK.

But, wouldn't you know it? I show up to school one day in the midst of my physical anguish, to pick her up and her teacher says, "We're not really sure why, but she was a little extra needy and clingy today."

All the bad mother alarms go off in my head. I know exactly why she was clingy and needy - because I have failed miserably at being attentive, loving and playful when I felt like death warmed over. Like ten miles of bad road.

Seriously? I can't even get sick.

Let's take a moment to briefly recount what happens when (most) Daddies get sick. They moan, they whine and they sleep. While we do everything. Moment over. We love Daddies. Just not when they're sick.

I was feeling so terrible, I even went to the doctor, which never happens. Ever. In fact, the last time I went to the doctor was six months ago when the same train wreck happened inside my body. They (the infamous "they." Will we ever figure out who "they" are?) could figure nothing out. Blood work? Fine. Internal organs? Fine. Everything appears to be fine.

Second lesson here: I need to take care of myself. Because, at the end of the day, I can't get sick. There's no time and my kid needs me. When on earth am I going to learn this lesson? Am I going to have to endure this physical torture every six months until I wise up and make little changes in my life to combat this crud before it invades me? I hope not.

But, if you're a Mommy, you should know this, too.  You can't get sick. There's no time for that garbage.

The Day I Got Reprimanded by AK's School for Not Packing a "Perfect" Lunch

I made a pact – with myself and with my newborn child – that I would do my absolute best to nourish her body with healthy foods.  As a full-time working mom who made all of her baby food, it’s been a commitment.  But, then again, I nursed her for 13 months, so I get commitment and I remain committed.

With AK in school every day, I pack her lunch the night before (thanks to T for slapping me upside the head for attempting to pack it in the morning – and for what reason?!)  Her lunch includes all of the necessities – grains, fruits, veggies, dairy and protein.  Recently, however, she’s been resisting her veggies.  I know, I know, shocking, huh? I know it’s a phase, so I do what any veggie-loving momma would do – I put them in everything else.

The Barilla brand of pasta makes pasta with veggies packed right into it – a full serving of veggies in every serving of pasta.  Yes, please.  I put grated carrots in her turkey meatloaf and grated everything into her pasta sauce (broccoli, carrots, kale, etc…)  I also pack her an organic baby food pouch with fruits and veggies in it on top of her full lunch every day.  That way, if she ditches the blueberries, I have tricked her by ensuring she gets those key nutrients in other ways. 

So you get it – I pack healthy, I am healthy, blah blah blah.  Then imagine my surprise when I go to unpack AK’s lunch one day to find this pretty little note from her teachers.  “Dear Parent – please remember to pack food from all food groups for your child’s lunch.”  Included on this pretty little note is a drawing of the five food groups, just in case I had forgotten.  Forgotten?  I am like the antithesis of forgetting. 

Confession alert:  I freaked out.  A little.  OK, a lot.  I picked up the phone, called T, who is my source of support on everything baby  (Duh.  We’re writing this blog together) and I went off.  “Don’t they know…”  “Who do they think they are?”  “Did they not know what that was????”  After I released on her (what are best friends for) and gave her more than an earful, I took my best fine-tipped Sharpie and went to town on that pretty little note.

I wrote down everything I had packed, what food group it had come from and probably inserted just a little bit of attitude.  I then put that pretty little note back in her lunchbox to ensure that they read it the following day.

Fast forward to the following day:  AK is home sick from school.  In a series of messages to the teachers, I tell them they won’t see her, they exchange pleasantries regarding her recovery and then I get up the nerve:

ME:  Quick question:  the note that was in AK’s lunch box yesterday – did I forget something in her lunch?  I was surprised, as I am quite cognizant of what goes into her lunch and consequently her body each and every day.  (Yes, this message took restraint.  I was still quite heated)

THEM:  You are one of the few parents that do an outstanding job on their child’s lunches.  We just had to put this reminder in everyone’s lunchbox because we don’t want to single any parents out.  We are doing this because, sadly, some parents are not getting the proper nutrients into their children during the day.  And, we assure you that this is in the best interest of the children.  Therefore, please don’t feel offended.  You make awesome lunches for AK.  Sincerely, AK’s teachers

ME:  (Tail between legs)

Lessons learned:

1.  Not every thing from your child’s school is directed at you personally.

2.  Trust yourself and your intentions.

3.  For heaven’s sake woman, breathe.