8 Reasons Having a Sibling Rocks (for the Parents)

While my blogging partner here has extolled on all the wonderful things about being one and done, I thought it might be nice (and only fair) to also give a little credence to all the ways having more than one can be a very good thing indeed.  Well...most of the time. 

1.  No need to have to sit in the playroom and pretend to eat that plastic pizza for the 59th time today.  Having a playmate is probably the BEST reason to have that second baby.  Seriously, sometimes it's the only way I get anything done. (Other times it's definitely the reason I get nothing done.)

2.  Sharing is caring!  Even if you don't want to share that dump truck, you better believe that Sister is going to either rip it out of your hands or scream until she gets her way.  Moral of the story: We share our toys.

3.  You only have to teach certain life lessons once.  Then that trickle down theory comes into play.  See: Sister going pee-pee on the potty at 18 months versus Brother not even looking at a potty until nearly three.  Also: manners, giving up the paci, and riding a bike.

4.  What good are hand me downs if you don't have a sibling to pass them on to!  Isn't that the plight of second children?  But now that I'm a parent, it just totally make sense to have at least one more.  Or find a good friend you can pass them on to. (Wink, wink, bestie.)

5.  Once they are of a certain mature age (what age exactly is open for discussion) the older sibling is now available free of charge to babysit at any and all times of your choosing.  (Ahem MOM!)

6.  What better place to learn how to take a little teasing and bullying than right at home.  I like to think that all the fighting going on is giving them a little backbone to stand up for themselves when they are out there in the real world.  (Seriously.  You should see our Sister go at it. She is for real.)  

7.  Secrets don't make friends.  So, who else is there to share your secrets and keep them from everyone else other than a sibling?  As an adult, it's definitely been the best thing I love about having siblings.  They love me no matter what I do! (Right guys??)

8.  I just asked Brother.  He said the best thing about having a sister is because she loves him and keeping her safe and hugging her.  So, there you go.  Pretty sure that is all you need right there.  Excuse me now while I go blow my nose and dry my eyes.

Another Reason: Mommy needed to take a shower and Sister woke up early from nap.
Solution: Brother and Sister played nicely in the crib until Mommy was done.  (Seriously! They really did!)

         

Mind The (Age) Gap

By Guest Blogger, Cara Dyksen

My two boys are 8 ½ years apart.  Dubs is 9 and G-monkey is a couple weeks shy of his 1^st birthday (*sniff*).  I could write a book about what I’ve learned over the past nine years parenting one, and now two kids - especially boys, but for now a blog post will have to do. 

It's just the way life worked out. This age gap of ours. Ultimately, I know everything happens just the way it should, so I have no regrets.

With that, I have to admit that I have struggled immensely, and still do occasionally, with the balancing act two kids require.  And, two kids with such drastically different needs. A lot happens in over eight years when it comes to child development, right? They are on completely different playing fields. G-monkey prefers "playing" with my kitchen whisk while Dubs would prefer the basketball court or football field.

Often times, like any other mom can probably relate, I am knee deep with the baby and have to beg ask Dubs to carry some weight for me. (And, sometimes that's literal - my (almost) one-year-old is not dainty  at 27 pounds).

I was always so adamant that I would NEVER have/allow Dubs become a helper or a babysitter – he is the brother.  But, now I realize how wrong I was. It's almost impossible not to rely on these perfectly good hands every now and again.

Here's where I make up for turning my oldest into my biggest help: He's the best kid on earth. I can’t really gush about him enough – he is truly one of the sweetest and smartest people I know.  He helps with G-monkey because he wants to, not because he has to.  

He loves us both so much and still shows it!  (Eventually, "they" tell me he might not want to be seen in public with me, but until then, I'll plant kisses on him all day long!)

I also struggled with a deep sense of guilt that my love & attention would now have to be split between two (three, if we're counting the hubs) people.  It seems only natural to me that, after 8 years of being an only child, there might be some animosity when another one joins the (tiny) crew.  But not my Dubs - he was, and remains, ecstatically thrilled!  

I have often found myself downplaying my excitement about the baby in front of Dubs so he wouldn’t get jealous, but that would backfire on me.  This loving brother wouldn’t stop enthusiastically talking about his new little bro and making sure that I was equally as excited.

Of course now as we approach the one year mark as a family of four, I can’t imagine life any other way.  I’m not only thankful for my extra set of (willing and) helping hands, but also the crazy chaos, belly laughs, vicious messes and love that runs even deeper than I ever imagined.

Forever Monkeying Around

She Only Has Eyes For Her Brother

When I think back to my own childhood, many of my memories include a certain much younger sister trailing around behind me.  Everywhere.  Always. I may or may not have constantly complained to my mother about this fact.  Her response, "She looks up to you. One day you will want her around."  Well, that day eventually arrived so I guess the joke's on me.  (See Sister, I do like you after all!)

Now I have whined stated nicely a few times about my kids and their tendency to, here and there, get under each other's skin.  And while these moments are not fun for me, the Mommy, since my son started his new pre-school a few weeks ago I have noticed a better trend emerging. 

They really do love each other.

We picked Brother up from school last week and you know what was the first thing was he said when we got in the car?  "Sister, I missed you!"  Me = puddle.  Then another day after we got home from pick-up, he gave her the biggest hug ever and she hugged him right back.  If these moments did not happen so quickly, I would record them if only so I could prove to them in 10 years that there was a day when they really did love each other.

So, there has been less fighting over Sister stealing batman and Brother grabbing back a train.  (Side note: That Sister is no joke.  She steals toys right out of Brother's hands, lays on top of them, and giggles.  Perhaps she is going to give us a run for our money?)  Life has been a little bit more pleasant and enjoyable because this Mommy has not had to separate kids that just do not want to play nicely together.

I will sit here nicely, if only for my brother.

So all of this is a little too cute, right?  Well, here's where it gets a little more fun. 

We all know that 18-month-olds can be a little challenging, to put it mildly.  Based on my own personal experience,  I also would wager that 18 month old girls, in particular, are even more so.  And my daughter has certainly not been an exception.  If she does not want to do something, it's just not happening, no matter how much I sweet-talk or bribe.  It's her way, or forget it.  She is the very definition of strong-willed and opinionated.

Let's say she refuses to eat one bite of her dinner, and I try to airplane it into her mouth - it's just not happening.  But if I then coerce have her darling brother to simply ask her to take a bite of said food. Bam. In the mouth.  Same for getting dressed, taking a bath, picking up toys, and on.  It's a bit ridiculous really.  My word is mud.

It is required now that Sister must do exactly what she sees her older Brother doing.  We also have to make sure we now have two of everything.  Maybe I am naïve but I really didn't see this happening at such a young age.  This morning, for example, we dropped Brother off at school and she completely lost it when it was time for her to say good-bye.  She had already found her place at the table and was ready to color, you see.  I had to drag her kicking and screaming, literally, out of the room.

Brother also plays soccer.  So, Sister must play soccer.  Last week for his first practice, she threw another fit because she wanted soccer socks and a soccer ball just like her Brother.  So, she wore the knee-high socks with her sneakers and carried along a baby-sized soccer ball and off we went.  Temper tantrum averted. 

At the end of the day, I'll take all this sibling love and milk it for all it's worth.  Why not capitalize on it and even encourage it a little more, right?  Sister looks at her bigger, older Brother with adoring eyes and I know that this relationship will only grow stronger as they get older.  Right??? Please say yes!     

Mommy's Being Mean

A few days ago I had one of those days. 

Regardless if you stay at home or work full-time, you know the kind of day I am referring to, right?  When nothing goes your way no matter what you do.  When you are tired, the patience is worn thin (or out) and you just need a little space to catch your breath and figure out the next move. When the kids don't behave regardless if you talk in your sweetest, most loving voice or scream at the top of your lungs.  When you also have 15 phone calls to make, several hours of errands to do not humanly possible with two kids in tow, a house to clean and dinner to make.  Let's also throw in a new job to figure out (more on that, later).

By dinner time, I was just exasperated.  Mostly because my three and a half year old and 18 month old would not stop with the fighting over every little toy we own. Which was turning into pushing, shoving, and hair pulling - and that's from EM, the 18 month old! (Side note: I'm thinking this girl is going to be able to hold her own on the playground...)  Who knew that this would even be a problem at these ages?!  Not me. 

Anyway, they were bringing their battle to the kitchen where I was trying to make dinner while simultaneously answering a few emails, return a phone call, and do the dishes.  Screaming and crying ensued over a wooden banana and a wooden steak. 

So what did I do?  The only rational thing of course.  I lost it.  I proceeded to give them a lecture of epic proportions that likely they did not even understand.  I also may have been raising my voice  just a tad.  It wasn't my prettiest moment as a parent but, in retrospect, the entire day was leading up to this and, frankly, I had nothing left. 

CJ, the older, perhaps a little wiser one, responded to my tirade with, "Come on sister. Mommy's being mean. Let's go."  And he took her hand, and walked them out of the room.  They then proceeded to QUIETLY and NICELY play for at least the next 20 minutes.  THEY LEFT ME ALONE.  I literally did not hear another peep.

Moral of the story:  Sometimes it is perfectly OK to get a little fiesty at your kids.  (I'm kidding, kinda.)  They won't like you for it (I promise, that's fleeting) but they may just leave you alone as a result!  And, if they learned even a little something (like, maybe, Mommy is only human, is not a saint, and needs a minute to breathe), it seems like a win-win to me. 

A moment of adoration for big brother.  And it was just that- a moment!