Tuesday, July 22, 2014

The 10 Most Completely Rational Reasons I Am Over Summer

This is the time of year I wished we lived anywhere other than where we do:  The Desert. 

Yes, we live in Phoenix.  Did you know the only other place on earth with a climate comparable to here is the Sahara Desert?  Yep.

Come December, I'll be bragging to everyone who lives in winter that, hey, its only 65 where I live!  My "winter" jacket is just a hoodie!  But right now, not so much.

And the worst part is, even though it's mid-July, we aren't even half-way through it yet.  In my neck of the woods, we won't even see even the 90's until almost October!  Have I mention I have spent two of my four summers while living in Phoenix pregnant? 

So, in honor of my least favorite season (at least here), I give you the reasons I am ready for what's up next.

1.  I hate sweating. Seriously.  Sweating should be relegated to occurring only when one decides to do some form of moderate or intense physical activity.  And, NOT just when you step foot outdoors.  I cannot remember the last time that I didn't have even a few drops of sweat on me.  Yuck.

2. This time of year the only form of outdoor entertainment for kids must involve water.  Which means I must wear a bathing suit.  Which means I must be bathing suit ready at all times.  Enough said.

3.  Shaving.  Ok, I am not the type that doesn't shave. (No offense intended if that's you! I just prefer to.)  But, let's face it, wearing a bathing suit every single day requires a lady take certain measures.  It just gets old when you have to do that daily.  (See #2)

4.  In order to save on electric and efficiency with our air conditioning, the husband requires that all blinds and curtains remain shut all day.  There's something about living in the semi-dark all day, when it's blue skies and sunny outside, that just doesn't work for me.

5.  The Movies.  Want to know what people do all summer who live in the desert?  They go to the movies.  Think about it- it's the perfect escape.  An ice cold, dark building where you can escape to another reality for two hours.  I would like to go to the movies more and so would 3/4 of my family.  Unfortunately, the 17 month old just can't hack it yet.

6. Yard Work. Do you know what's worse than sweating just from stepping foot outside?  Having to do actual intense activity in that oven.  And, unless you're willing to get up at 4:30 am (seriously, its light out then!) to do the yard work, it's freaking hot by 8 am when you get your act together to do it.

7.  Which reminds me: the rising sun.  Out here the sun is high in the sky by 5 am.  And even with blackout curtains, somehow our kids can sense the sun is up.  So they get up.  Come winter they start sleeping in a bit, thank goodness, I just wish they would extend this year round.

8.   Seat belts.  What's the perfect recipe for a third degree burn?  A seat belt that has been baking in a car parked out in the sun.  I swear the temperature inside our car hits at least 130+ degrees these days.  My youngest mastered the word "hot" before even "Mommy".  The kids cry upon sight of their car seats knowing what's coming.  Those poor little legs.

9.  Haboobs.  Yes, this is a real word. If you know what this word means, your disdain for it probably parallels mine.  Let's just say this is the mother of all dust storms. It's apoplectic, wreaks havoc on the pool, and leaves a nice coating of dust and sand on anything and everything. 

10.  Wearing the same clothes for 7 months gets a little tiresome.  You see, we really only have 2 seasons of clothes here.  Which means our summer clothes must last from April until October.  By that time, I am basically ready to just toss everything we own and start over.        

I guess the only thing left to say is...at least we don't have to shovel any snow.  Suckas! 

BONUS: All that swimming does equal good naps. 

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