Today I made a decision that fully illustrates my priorities in life. Today, I turned down my fifth (and final, for now) job opportunity in order to provide a balanced life for us. (You might have asked why so many - all I can say is that I'm tough to listen, even to my own heart). Today, I realized fully the importance of being the Mom that you need and deserve - without the guilt, stress and imbalance that often accompanies a more high-powered career.
I had that high-powered career. And, I loved it. Until I became a Mom. When it became the most unnatural fit for my spiritual and emotional self that I ever could have imagined. When I became tormented by my desire to not focus wholeheartedly on climbing the proverbial corporate ladder.
Today, I am a full-time working Mom. And, yet, I am grateful to have found a job that is challenging, enjoyable and rewarding while affording me something far more priceless - time and flexibility.
I have time to ride you in the bike to school each morning, hearing you say "Yeah Yeah" with enthusiasm as we pull into the parking lot of your new school - the one that is two blocks from our home. I have time to pick you up each afternoon, giving us several blissful hours before bedtime to enjoy summer in Colorado: a long bike ride, riding your fire truck in the driveway, blowing bubbles and smelling all the flowers we can find.
I have time to make dinner for you and sit with you while you enjoy it, talking about your day. No, you can't hold elaborate conversations with me yet, but that time will come any day now and I can't wait to enjoy it.
I have time to smell your hair before I put you to bed after reading "Spot" for the fourteenth time today. And, I have time to rock with you when you request it or just to cherish my time with you sitting in the crook of my arm sucking your thumb (you'll have to stop that one day, but not today.)
I will never be the perfect Mom but I sure will try. I will likely, at some point, embarrass you and make you say, "Moooommmmm - not in front of my friends." And, I apologize. But, I know now that anything I will do for you (or to you) is simply because the love I have for you makes my heart burst; and sometimes that love causes me to do really stupid things that you're OK with now but you won't be at some point.
My Dear Daughter, thank you for entering my world. For all the reasons would take more blogs than any one parent could create, but thank you. You have taught me that the things I once held as sacred are so far from it, they barely orbit the same universe. You have taught me to laugh harder than anyone else ever has. You have taught me to enjoy life more than I ever thought possible. And, you have taught me to hang on to those simple moments tight and with gusto.
Just know that you, my daughter, have taught me to be the best version of myself and for that, and for you, I am eternally grateful.
This post came at the most perfect time. I have also been searching for new jobs to move up...or I guess just start a career. However, I have been so torn because I am not willing to give up any more of my time with my daughter. Reading this made me feel so much better and not feel so alone in this thinking. You solidified my feelings that it is ok to turn an opportunity down if it means more time with my kid (s). This is my world and my career now and I could not imagine any less time with them. This is an amazing post which came at the most ideal time in my life!!
ReplyDeleteBelieve me, it was a tough one, Kate. But, I've known all along this is the right thing and I am so thankful I followed my heart. There's a balance and as women, we CAN achieve it. That's a gratifying feeling! Good luck! xx
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